You know you live in Florida when.....

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 1:42 pm

You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.

You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti-o's.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering on your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three

bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

You are delighted to only pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the

pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your

freezer.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain without reading the

directions; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance

policy.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work

at the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation

Relocating to Cleveland, OH does not seem like such a crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a

tree worker.

A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.

Your child's first words are "hunker down"

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean its

Christmas.

You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the

"dirty side."

Your kids start school in August and finish in July.

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.

Annie Mouse · Post by **Annie Mouse** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:03 pm

Hey - I resemble that post!!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:27 pm

The safe hallway works good in earthquake prone So. Cal.

I loved this post, it was funny!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:30 pm

How many cans of chicken noodle soup up in the cupboard?

Just save some water, get a flashlight, and a medical kit. Oh, and blankies for wintertime, you're all set.

Annie Mouse · Post by **Annie Mouse** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:35 pm

chonsigirl wrote: How many cans of chicken noodle soup up in the cupboard?

Just save some water, get a flashlight, and a medical kit. Oh, and blankies for wintertime, you're all set.

"blankies"? I just got a feel-good tingle when I read that

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 3:31 pm

Let's not forget the interesting wildlife, either -- little anoles running all over the place, families that feed their pet racoons outside, alligators, water mocosins, giant black cockroaches the size of your hand, flying cockroaches, black widow spiders, and my most feared -- brown recluse spiders. One bite from these little critters rots your flesh -- scary stuff! (Spiders don't stand a chance around me.)

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:21 pm

Don't forget the giant bumble bees. I hated the flying cockroaches. Don't forget the great beaches..........so much warmer and prettier than California.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:28 pm

you know you live in florida when the snowbirds are here and can't drive for shite. :driving: and the old folks haven't turned off their turn signals since they left home this morning. and it's bike week in daytona. and people from nebraska are being eaten by sharks. and tourists wear those ugly fanny packs and ask for directions to key west...hey, there's one road and it heads south doofus!! and golfers wear ugly-ass clothes.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:35 pm

lady cop wrote: you know you live in florida when the snowbirds are here and can't drive for shite. :driving: and the old folks haven't turned off their turn signals since they left home this morning. and it's bike week in daytona. and people from nebraska are being eaten by sharks. and tourists wear those ugly fanny packs and ask for directions to key west...hey, there's one road and it heads south doofus!! and golfers wear ugly-ass clothes.

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:43 pm

it's not funny, it's all true! :rolleyes: ...further, don't go to dinner at 5 pm because all the geezers are there for the early bird special, spring break means college kids puking on your lawn and falling off balconies, we have more serial killers and pedophiles than any place on the planet, the homeless migrate here for the winter and live under bridges or go to jail for three hots and a cot, and we have the best diving and fishing and beaches than anyplace! ...oh, don't get me started!!

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:47 pm

It is so too funny - just because it is true. :wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:53 pm

i know, i know.........where golfers are eaten by gators or struck by lightening, where rebel flags are on everybody's truck ( i love to nail those idiots) , where my "accent" is considered foreign 'cause i don't speak southern, where it's hotter than hell all the time, but you can get a heck of a tan, and where old people are meaner than snakes.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:54 pm

lady cop wrote: it's not funny, it's all true! :rolleyes: ...further, don't go to dinner at 5 pm because all the geezers are there for the early bird special, spring break means college kids puking on your lawn and falling off balconies, we have more serial killers and pedophiles than any place on the planet, the homeless migrate here for the winter and live under bridges or go to jail for three hots and a cot, and we have the best diving and fishing and beaches than anyplace! ...oh, don't get me started!!

Yes, I know it's all true, that's why it's so funny LC. I know people that migrate to Florida from PA every winter. Same fanny packs and wear those ugly a$$ clothes! :wah: Just brought back those memories. Sad thing is, they go there, then hide in their camper because of all those people you mentioned above and constantly complain about the bugs, birds and spiders. So...why the heck go South?????

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:55 pm

so they don't have to shovel snow.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:56 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I plan on being meaner than a snake when I get old. Seriously.so what are you waiting for? :wah:

Annie Mouse · Post by **Annie Mouse** » Sun Nov 27, 2005 5:48 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Is there something I'm supposed to be doing to? I figured it would hit me all at once.

You can start by wearing a red hat - with a purple top