Help I'm stressed!!!!

angeleyes · Post by **angeleyes** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 4:12 pm

Hello everyone. I hope I am putting this in the right place. I am 25 and have been married for 2 months now. Don't get me wrong this isn't about me being unhappy because I love my husband very much and have never been happier. I am looking for advice on how to manage my new household w/o being so stressed. I work a full time job and have a 5 year old son. My husband works 3rd and I 1st shift so we have a very limited amount of time together during the week. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. The clothes pile up as well as the dishes, he feels neglected(as most of the time I am too tired for lovemaking) and my son is fighting for his fair share of the attention. Every day I come home and I look at all that needs to be done and I get that much more tired. I know all of this may sound stupid and I am not the only one having to get all this stuff done but there has to be an easier way. I am begging for tips or something on how to achieve a decent house, satisfied husband and happy child without losing my mind. My husband doesn't understand why I am so tired all the time because no matter what I do you can't really tell it. I try to do as much as I can during the week because I don't want to consume my weekends with chores since I am about to start working 6 days a week and that is the only time I get to spend with him without interruption. Anything helpful or not will be greatly appreciated as I am soon to be at my wits end. Thank you and God bless.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 4:16 pm

Tackle the small jobs first and enjoy the accomplishment. Have your son join you in the easy tasks and make them fun, it son run around and pick up all the white clothing and make a pile by the wash machine and we will have a white snack afterwards.

Assess your tasks, if they aren't important today then take that time and spend it with your man and son instead. Get out of the house even just for 20 minutes to walk around the block with your husband and son, HOLD HANDS.

Go to bed 20 min early and just have you and husband time.

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 4:25 pm

angeleyes wrote: Hello everyone. I hope I am putting this in the right place. I am 25 and have been married for 2 months now. Don't get me wrong this isn't about me being unhappy because I love my husband very much and have never been happier. I am looking for advice on how to manage my new household w/o being so stressed. I work a full time job and have a 5 year old son. My husband works 3rd and I 1st shift so we have a very limited amount of time together during the week. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. The clothes pile up as well as the dishes, he feels neglected(as most of the time I am too tired for lovemaking) and my son is fighting for his fair share of the attention. Every day I come home and I look at all that needs to be done and I get that much more tired. I know all of this may sound stupid and I am not the only one having to get all this stuff done but there has to be an easier way. I am begging for tips or something on how to achieve a decent house, satisfied husband and happy child without losing my mind. My husband doesn't understand why I am so tired all the time because no matter what I do you can't really tell it. I try to do as much as I can during the week because I don't want to consume my weekends with chores since I am about to start working 6 days a week and that is the only time I get to spend with him without interruption. Anything helpful or not will be greatly appreciated as I am soon to be at my wits end. Thank you and God bless.

it seems to me that you need some support from your husband. you aren't superwoman. Just talk to him. Write it down if needs be. Communication is the key.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 5:09 pm

Hey Angel - I know this is probably not possible for you but it would really help if you and your husband were on the same schedule. It must seem like you are passing in the kitchen without any together time. Otherwise, do as Minks suggests. Do small amounts at a time and if it doesn't get done - SO WHAT. You're allowed to be easy on yourself. Take some time to do some fun things so you can laugh.

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 5:54 pm

My sister-in-law gets up at 4:30/5:00 in the morning and cleans before having to get my niece ready, herself ready, drop my niece off at school and goes to work. She does this daily and says that on the weekend, cleaning is a breeze -- as long as she does it daily and keeps up on it. She got this from her own mother, who used to get up to clean in the early morning hours while the kids were sleeping. Maybe, this would work for you, too.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:13 pm

You work and come home to work some more. What does your husband do after work? If he's not helping out, tell him he will have to get a second job so you can cut back on hours. Amazing how much more helpful they become.

bel_thatch · Post by **bel_thatch** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:43 pm

It certainly is daunting to work FT, raise children -- or even one in your case -- and manage a household with little to no help from your significant other. Regardless of whether your home looks like it's been cleaned, the product is not as important as the effort behind it. It sounds to me, as with many of the other ladies here, that you need to sit down with your husband and tell him what you've written here. I'm certain you've heard that whole "Use 'I' statements, not 'you' accusations" talk before, but it should be emphasized that the best way for him to realize that he needs to give more emotional support and help around the house is to hear all the things you do and the stress it causes you. Make sure to tell him in not so many words, "I know you work these hours and you must get tired too. I work these hours at my place of employment, plus these hours in our home to make it a nice place for our family to live, plus the hours to take care of our child. And that means that I have very little time left for myself or to have fun with you. A load of laundry and some help with supper would really save me some time." It does sound as if your husband perhaps does not fully comprehend that you simply cannot do everything, including be an energetic partner, all the time. Maybe he unfortunately expects it due to his family's background or his own issues. But you need to make it known to him that you can't do it all by yourself. Nobody can.

Yes, I apologize for the long-windedness of this reply. I think with all the time on my hands, I've read one two many of the Since You Asked problems on Salon!