I don't feel sexy

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:47 pm

You people know I had breast cancer and a mastectomey and reconstruction. Well the recon was good but.... It is going to be BTS's X-Mas party in about a month and I tried on every nice dress I had for the occassion. I cried. BTS loves me and gives me soooo much support in how I look now. I've never worn really low cut dresses but they all looked pretty bad in my eyes. I can't even get a moderate cleveage going. I am going to wear a little blue dress that is fairly high cut and has sleeves to hid my tatoo but hugs the rest of my body without being overtly sexual. This is all about me and my body image compared to before I had my breast cut off. This is the first time I REALLY wanted to look the same so he could be proud of the wife on his arm. It is about me - BTS loves me and doesn't care - I care. Maybe this is the first time I haven't been beligerent about my loss - the first time I've grieved the loss of a sexual body part. Hey - I was too busy being happy about being alive. Maybe I should toss those old dresses - FIDO. I don't know why I ever thought I would look the same in them - stupid hope. So now reality sets in and I get to quit feeling bad because I know they will never look right on me again. I get to find a new look that will be right for me.

Sorry people - I really needed to vent about this. Thanks.

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:57 pm

awe mommy your beautifull-- no matter which boobie is real-- i love you and so does he! go spoil your self and buy a dress that makes you feel pretty! loves you:-4

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:58 pm

FOR EVERY TIME THERE IS A SEASON...NONE OF US CAN OR WOULD WEAR WHAT WE MAY HAVE YEARS AGO. SO FIND A NEW LOOK FOR THE NEW YOU, AND HAVE FUN TRYING ON NEW STYLES! oops, sorry for the caps, i did not mean to yell.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:07 pm

lady cop wrote: FOR EVERY TIME THERE IS A SEASON...NONE OF US CAN OR WOULD WEAR WHAT WE MAY HAVE YEARS AGO. SO FIND A NEW LOOK FOR THE NEW YOU, AND HAVE FUN TRYING ON NEW STYLES! oops, sorry for the caps, i did not mean to yell.

You weren't yelling - and thanks - I am into the winter of my life.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:09 pm

TenneseeGirl wrote: awe mommy your beautifull-- no matter which boobie is real-- i love you and so does he! go spoil your self and buy a dress that makes you feel pretty! loves you:-4

loves you .......:-4 but having 2 boobies that are decidedly 2 sizes different is hard.....it's going to be a cover-up maybe stuff one side kind of thing.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:10 pm

LC's right. I have to sit through those fashion makeover shows because I love my wife. One thing I've learned (besides not to change channels during commercials) is that the dress is to complement the body more than the other way round. The old dresses were fine for the old you. The new, better you needs a different dress to highlight and bring out the beauty we all know you have.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:18 pm

i find that the clothes women wore in the 40's were sexy...without needing to be overtly so. classic styles are the classiest and the sexiest. suits, heels, seams in stockings, watch any old movie on TCM and you will see those ladies were much more beautiful than the ones now with their entire hoochies exposed. the game is subtlety and imagination.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:20 pm

Accountable wrote: LC's right. I have to sit through those fashion makeover shows because I love my wife. One thing I've learned (besides not to change channels during commercials) is that the dress is to complement the body more than the other way round. The old dresses were fine for the old you. The new, better you needs a different dress to highlight and bring out the beauty we all know you have.

Yea like my hippo hips...... I was very proud of my body at one time - now I am still disfigured in my head. Sorry - that WAS a joke - I don't have hippo hips - I have thunder thighs...........That was a joke too. I hope every woman who looks at this thread comes to like their very own unique look. Women - embrace yourselves - as I have a hard time doing it too - but do it anyway. We are what we are and the men who love us love us because ................

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:58 pm

Your beautiful in BTS's eye that is all that matter.. You are to hard on yourself. None of us have the bodies we had in our youth.. :-5 I'm not sure at 58 I want to look like a teenager anyway.. I'm aged like fine wine, I still got it and that's a fact. Girl just get dressed up and have fun..

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:00 pm

CARLA wrote: Your beautiful in BTS's eye that is all that matter.. You are to hard on yourself. None of us have the bodies we had in our youth.. :-5 I'm not sure at 58 I want to look like a teenager anyway.. I'm aged like fine wine, I still got it and that's a fact. Girl just get dressed up and have fun..

Fine wine gets dressed down in cool bottles...........:wah:

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:13 pm

flopstock wrote: ummmmmmmmmmmm NV, stupid question here, but who was that in the wedding pictures with bts? Wasn't that you in the outdoor pictures? Why don't you go pull those suckers out girl, 'cause sure as hell one of us is not remembering the real you.

Well Flop thanks........that must be a reason I'm going to throw out my old clothes. How did I ever think they would look the same again....but I did and I saved them......they didn't .. it is a different body and I don't know why I got soooo sad about it after 2 years but I did. D'OH I wanted that again for my body but my head knows it isn't so. You know there is a lot of denial - yes a river in Egypt - that just came together in my head. Thanks. Throw out the old and IN with the new.

Bella_Boo · Post by **Bella_Boo** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:17 pm

A friend of mine went through same thing... She had breast cancer removed. I took her shopping and we got some real sexy dresses for her... to look sexy doesnt mean u have to bear ur cleavage.... she bought padded bras.. got the silicon chicken fillets and bought some very very very sexy dresses they had scoup backs and off the shoulder on the 'real' breast side and we 'improvised' with the rest.... soemtimes the most sexy look is what you dont show people... you seem like a fantastic person... really nice... to me wear that personality and you will be the belle of the ball!!!

i didnt know about the cancer till just then (i am newbie)... im sorry *hugs*

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:23 pm

That's a tough one, especially for girls. Women are much more body-conscious than men and their breasts are a part of their self-image.

But please remember something, in high school, everyone was so concerned about their body-image. Is my head too big? Are my legs too long? Why are my eyes so close together? etc, etc. ad infintum, ad nauseum.

Honestly, all of that didn't matter after high school, now did it? Adults, especially the more mature ones, begin to see people for their personalities and communication skills...not their bodies at all. (Most likely because by adulthood, almost everyone is less beautiful and handsome than they were in high school and because we all learn that other things are much more important.)

So don't worry, Nval, just like in high school....you're honestly the only one who will notice.

Bella_Boo · Post by **Bella_Boo** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:33 pm

Jives wrote: That's a tough one, especially for girls. Women are much more body-conscious than men and their breasts are a part of their self-image.

But please remember something, in high school, everyone was so concerned about their body-image. Is my head too big? Are my legs too long? Why are my eyes so close together? etc, etc. ad infintum, ad nauseum.

Honestly, all of that didn't matter after high school, now did it? Adults, especially the more mature ones, begin to see people for their personalities and communication skills...not their bodies at all. (Most likely because by adulthood, almost everyone is less beautiful and handsome than they were in high school and because we all learn that other things are much more important.)

So don't worry, Nval, just like in high school....you're honestly the only one who will notice.

i couldnt agree more....

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:06 pm

NV you got a second chance at life, your a little older, a little differently shaped but who cares, you are alive, female and sexual. Take the second chance and run with it, make the changes and live life to the fullest with who you are today. And spoil yourself with something that you truly believe makes you feel your best.

Go for it girl, love yourself.

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 6:43 pm

nvalleyvee wrote: You people know I had breast cancer and a mastectomey and reconstruction. Well the recon was good but.... It is going to be BTS's X-Mas party in about a month and I tried on every nice dress I had for the occassion. I cried. BTS loves me and gives me soooo much support in how I look now. I've never worn really low cut dresses but they all looked pretty bad in my eyes. I can't even get a moderate cleveage going. I am going to wear a little blue dress that is fairly high cut and has sleeves to hid my tatoo but hugs the rest of my body without being overtly sexual. This is all about me and my body image compared to before I had my breast cut off. This is the first time I REALLY wanted to look the same so he could be proud of the wife on his arm. It is about me - BTS loves me and doesn't care - I care. Maybe this is the first time I haven't been beligerent about my loss - the first time I've grieved the loss of a sexual body part. Hey - I was too busy being happy about being alive. Maybe I should toss those old dresses - FIDO. I don't know why I ever thought I would look the same in them - stupid hope. So now reality sets in and I get to quit feeling bad because I know they will never look right on me again. I get to find a new look that will be right for me.

Sorry people - I really needed to vent about this. Thanks.

NV you're worring about nothing, except what's in your head. 9 out of 10 people can't wear the clothes from a few years back, due to various reasons. Many of them weight related. It seems every other year My Wife & I have to donate our clothes from the previous years to Good Will, "cause they don't fit" anymore!

You are not your clothes, & your clothes are not you! (Your husband married you, not the dress) What ever dress you wear, it is only on the outside, the "inner"' you is what will impress your husband's friends, your friends here at FG are positive of that fact! You're being too hard on yourself now, you have taken on life's unfair hard knocks and have overcome them. So rejoyce in the fact that you can still wear a dress, especially a "new" dress!

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 8:43 pm

nvalleyvee wrote: You people know I had breast cancer and a mastectomey and reconstruction. Well the recon was good but.... It is going to be BTS's X-Mas party in about a month and I tried on every nice dress I had for the occassion. I cried. BTS loves me and gives me soooo much support in how I look now. I've never worn really low cut dresses but they all looked pretty bad in my eyes. I can't even get a moderate cleveage going. I am going to wear a little blue dress that is fairly high cut and has sleeves to hid my tatoo but hugs the rest of my body without being overtly sexual. This is all about me and my body image compared to before I had my breast cut off. This is the first time I REALLY wanted to look the same so he could be proud of the wife on his arm. It is about me - BTS loves me and doesn't care - I care. Maybe this is the first time I haven't been beligerent about my loss - the first time I've grieved the loss of a sexual body part. Hey - I was too busy being happy about being alive. Maybe I should toss those old dresses - FIDO. I don't know why I ever thought I would look the same in them - stupid hope. So now reality sets in and I get to quit feeling bad because I know they will never look right on me again. I get to find a new look that will be right for me.

Sorry people - I really needed to vent about this. Thanks.

Im sure you are as beautiful now as you were then, as its not your looks that matter but your bright shining smile.

sherry · Post by **sherry** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 6:14 am

Being sexy isn't on the outside, it comes from within.

I went through a real tough time after my last baby with depression and no matter what my other half said I just couldn't feel good about myself. I needed a little help from the doctor and now thankfully I'm ok and feel great.

Did you have adequate care emotionally after your mastectomy? I hate to bleat on about councelling but it really can help, I know it did me.

The day I suddenly found that I felt different from normal and that the depression lifted I went with my friend and tried one of these babies on.

http://www.vollerscorset.co.uk/

Not only did I look fantastic (if I say so myself:D ) it acts like a drug and makes me feel like an irristiable sex goodess. *lol*

Ok it's not for every day wear but I tell you every woman should be equiped with one. They make you feel wonderful.:-6

BTS · Post by **BTS** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 6:29 am

Now if dat ain't beauty I never will know beauty........

Love you JUST as you are girl.........

Attached files

sherry · Post by **sherry** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 6:47 am

Thats so sweet:-4

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:04 am

nvalleyvee wrote: loves you .......:-4 but having 2 boobies that are decidedly 2 sizes different is hard.....it's going to be a cover-up maybe stuff one side kind of thing.
ok... stupid question time

didn't they give you one of those latex/sillicone, "feels-like-a-real-boob" insert thingys? fills out your bra, and gives like a cup to cup and a half more cleavage.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 12:08 pm

BTS wrote: Now if dat ain't beauty I never will know beauty........

Love you JUST as you are girl.........

Okay, now, NVV what the heck are you on about? You might not FEEL

sexy but gee whiz, that little hip thrust out to the side... that shows

some sexy feelings to ME, at least! What it's all about now come ON!!

:-6

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:36 pm

Wolverine wrote: ok... stupid question time

didn't they give you one of those latex/sillicone, "feels-like-a-real-boob" insert thingys? fills out your bra, and gives like a cup to cup and a half more cleavage.

No stupid questions........Yes that is what I had for 11 months. Then by an act of Congress - all mastectomy women were guaranteed a new matching set of tits - free boob job....:wah: When you have no breast tissue these wonderful doctors do the best they can and I am so very grateful not to look where my left breast used to be and see my ribs. It is hard to match them when there is no breast tissue on one side. They can even do the surgery so you have a nipple looking skin graft. The problem with all of this is they have to put the rebuilt tit under the pec muscle because there is only skin left on muscle after a mastectomy. I don't know why - I've asked and asked and asked. They just said I wouldn't like my new left breast sitting at the bottom of my rib cage in a year. :-2 I wouldn't either. I'm just at the end of recon and I suppose it is my last hurrah of grieving for my body. I'm still walking this Earth so I am very very grateful.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:37 pm

valerie wrote: Okay, now, NVV what the heck are you on about? You might not FEEL

sexy but gee whiz, that little hip thrust out to the side... that shows

some sexy feelings to ME, at least! What it's all about now come ON!!

:-6

Busted Val - ain't BTS great - BTW - that was the chauffeur for his 50th birthday.

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 2:23 am

You look fantastic NV, your gorgeous. Nice to see a piccie of you.

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 7:43 am

nvalleyvee wrote: No stupid questions........Yes that is what I had for 11 months. Then by an act of Congress - all mastectomy women were guaranteed a new matching set of tits - free boob job....:wah: When you have no breast tissue these wonderful doctors do the best they can and I am so very grateful not to look where my left breast used to be and see my ribs. It is hard to match them when there is no breast tissue on one side. They can even do the surgery so you have a nipple looking skin graft. The problem with all of this is they have to put the rebuilt tit under the pec muscle because there is only skin left on muscle after a mastectomy. I don't know why - I've asked and asked and asked. They just said I wouldn't like my new left breast sitting at the bottom of my rib cage in a year. :-2 I wouldn't either. I'm just at the end of recon and I suppose it is my last hurrah of grieving for my body. I'm still walking this Earth so I am very very grateful.

Must be pretty tough. But, I will say this. My boobs have NEVER been the same size or looked the same and it was always difficult to get any kind of cleavage going. At least you have an excuse.

And we're all glad you are alive too.

Go out, get a dress and have a blast!