what do i say to my son?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:01 pm

my son is now 27. he was with a young lady for 4 years, all through college. i LOVED her! his parents in Canada loved him. i would have been happy to have her as a daughter-in-law. they were such a loving and sweet couple. two years ago they broke up, and it was very sad to me. so two nights ago my son breaks down and tells me why. it was eating him up all this time. ...she had cheated on him with a guy my SO had arrested for murdering his wife!! this was horrible! i would discuss this guy at home and he knew to never say anything and put me in a spot. i am in shock and upset for my kid. my son said he's a loser, i said NO the guy going to death row is a loser! oh i am so sad and upset that my son is so hurt. :-1

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:10 pm

What heartache! And after 2 years, still obviously affecting him. AND you.

I wouldn't know what to say, either, except tell him you love him but I

know you already do that.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:20 pm

it's true Val....you want to take on all their hurts. he broke down and cried and it devastated me. but maybe telling me will begin a healing.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:27 pm

I feel sad for him LC.. You just never know about people they can be something so different than you can ever imagine. I know he is hurt but somehow he will come to understand that he is better off. There is someone out there for him he is handsome, young and has all the good qualities necessary for a much better relationship. :-1

Just be there for him, and let him know that affairs of the heart are painful until you find that soulmate like you have in Bothwell..:-4

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:47 am

You should feel proud that you have a son that carries his mother's badge of honor, really. He did the right thing. She already cheated on him with -- a criminal. She wasn't the kind of woman that he should bring into your family. I think that you should be proud of him for doing the right thing! (His heart will heal. Eventually, a good woman will come along for him.)

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:37 am

That's really sad news LC, I feel so sorry for what your son went through, he certainly deserves a lot better than that. He is going to have to stay strong, and not think that another relationship will head the same way, because that is already a bad start if u are thinking like that.

Just stick by him LC and let him know that he must look into the future, and try not to dwell on the past too much. He will get over it soon I'm sure and you can both look forward to a bright and happy future.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:30 am

*big hug for your son and you*

It is good he told you, your beloved son, after 2 long years. Give him the love and support you always have, and you will get through this horrible time, together as a family.

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:38 am

lady cop wrote: my son said he's a loser, i said NO the guy going to death row is a loser! oh i am so sad and upset that my son is so hurt. :-1

I disagree...it is her who is the big loser in all of this. I do agree with you that now perhaps he can start healing. He really is lucky to have found out before getting married that she doesn't understand the value of committment and honesty. Awww. Poor guy. Must be pretty difficult to reason out that someone you love would prefer to be with someone who doesn't even value life. Time for him to stop feeling hurt and get pissed off!

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 7:24 am

Maybe he''s now starting to heal as he has found the courage to tell you. Perhaps he just wasn't able to say the words before.

All you can do is reassure him and tell him you love him and that no matter what he does or whom he dates you will always love him and will be there for him. Our kids know this, but sometimes they still need to hear the words.

At least you know the reason now and he no longer has to hide his feelings from you. Sadly we all seem to get burnt badly once in our love lives, perhaps its that which makes us choose more wisely in future.

Reassure him that he can tell you anything and you will still love him. At least you cn have a peaceful and happy christmas together with no secrets between you.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:44 am

Your son sure was caught between Scylla and Charybdis. He's been in a terrible struggle these last two years. I would guess that he is now feeling in control again and strong enough to share his past suffering with you. What can you say to him? What can anyone say to him? He knew, in his heart, that there was no fixing this.

Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

To listen and to support him, I think, is your role here.

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:27 pm

Thats awful LC, It's good that he found out that she cheated on him before he married her, I am really sorry for him and think he must be a very strong character not to have told you when you were talking about the guy that murdered his wife. I't awful to see our children go through heartache like that and I really feel for you.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:38 pm

i thank everyone for their kind comments...it takes a lot to shock me, but this really did. sometimes we want to take the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune for our kids, but i know i cannot. i do give him a lot of credit for not telling me earlier, i would have had some problems ethically on the job. ...i know he hurts, but i also know there is a true young lady out there who will have a good honest and sensitive man one day. thanks all. xoxoxox

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 1:56 pm

Sorry to hear the bad news LC, they say that "time" heals all wounds. Apparently not enough time has passed yet for him. As others have said, now that he finally told you & got that horrible monkey off his back he can finally move onto the road to healing his heart. Just keep on doing what you're already doing, "reassuring" him that he has your full support & understanding! That is what he continually needs during this delicate time in his life.

In time, he will find a woman deserving of him.

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:41 pm

Im guessing that your son takes after mum and is a cutie...

Take him to a mirror and point out to him that not only is he cute, but that he is a REAL nice guy, not a pretend one.

The fact that there are millions, yes millions of women out there who would give their right arm for a guy like him and he should just enjoy looking for the real miss right...:p

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:45 pm

venus wrote: Im guessing that your son takes after mum and is a cutie...

Take him to a mirror and point out to him that not only is he cute, but that he is a REAL nice guy, not a pretend one.

The fact that there are millions, yes millions of women out there who would give their right arm for a guy like him and he should just enjoy looking for the real miss right...:phere he is...he's 6'5" and gorgeous and smart and talented and funny too! (he's the taller one on the left) so Venus, how old are you?

Attached files

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:53 pm

:p very cute......

Im older though...31 with a kid and 3 cats and a dog.....

Lots of baggage :wah:

that and the fact lm 5'3 and would reach his knees...:wah:

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:06 pm

But then again, ld never need a step ladder to change a bulb....:wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:09 pm

venus wrote: But then again, ld never need a step ladder to change a bulb....:wah:trouble is i have to remind him about the ceiling fans! you don't have ceiling fans right? :rolleyes:

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:12 pm

ceiling fans, as if it ever gets hot enough over here to need one...:wah:

Looking like he does l can't imagine he has any bother finding very beautiful dates, plus he's in uniform..

I mean come on, every womans dream, big strong man..uniform :-4

or maybe thats just me:o

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:18 pm

not a uniform, a sweatshirt! that's the superbowl going on across the river, he was at a superbowl party. hence the beer. i should bring him with me when i come to England!

venus · Post by **venus** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:24 pm

oops my mistake, thought your son was a cop too.

go on then LC bring him over there will be women falling over emselves to get to him:)

because l'll tie their legs together...:wah:

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:30 pm

presumably she cheated on him before the other guy got banged up for knocking off his old lady? I'd be tempted to say "but son...she's a slut. Now get a grip"

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:39 pm

booradley wrote: presumably she cheated on him before the other guy got banged up for knocking off his old lady? I'd be tempted to say "but son...she's a slut. Now get a grip":-3 As succinct as usual Boo!

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:42 pm

I'd follow it up with "now and beget me some grandkids"

123cat · Post by **123cat** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:27 pm

just listen.

St Ives · Post by **St Ives** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:46 pm

LC am truly sorry to hear about your son but tend to agree with the previous posts.

Unconditional love, lots of hugs and reasurrence will do it every time

I will keep you all in my prayers