Fixing what the grammar books got wrong

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I shall restrict myself to English Grammar.

This thread is devoted to the rules as given, and why they are wrong, and what should replace those rules.

It will all be very simple. Reasons will be given.

The last person of note to attempt this was George Bernard Shaw and what he offered was very sensible. It's unfortunate that he was ignored.

This time round, we'll do it right and get the revised rules into general use.

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Shaw, as an aside, promulgated spelling reform. His actual proposal was badly thought out, which is why it fell on stony ground. Shaw's proposed new alphabet had new letters "distinct from the Latin alphabet to avoid the impression that the new spellings were simply misspellings". Nobody was prepared to learn them. The right approach is to make the spelling mistakes. Aftur a fiu minits xpowjur, reeding fonetik Inglish iz ded eezee - it kan ownli bee voyst wun wai.

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There is a part-way stage in spelling reform, which is to aim at the low hanging fruit.

"ea", for example.

I red a buk yesterday. Toomorow I wil reed anuthur. I led a low hart. I wil leed yu furthur astray. Led has a kemikul simbul ov Pb.

I have no idea what the single-syllable sound "ea" originally represented in the 16th century, as in "sea" for instance, but it has definitely diverged since. So, in my opinion, should the spelling. If anyone can think of a word where the single-syllable "ea" still sounds like "ea" pleese post it to the thread. Failing that, no word spelled with a single-syllable "ea" should remain that way. Single-syllable "ea" is abolished henceforth as an illegal letter combination. The two syllable "ea" (like "kreeayt", "reeakt" and "preeambul") is still valid.

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There is pedantry and then there is good sense.

The grammar rules relating to the simple future tense are about when you may use "I will" and when you may instead use "I am going to".

By all means look them up. The rules have very little to do with what most people actually say. Most people actually say "Ah'm gunner" or "I'm gunna" depending on where they grew up. They say "I will" when they display petulance and stamp their foot. Nothing to do with grammar.

Purely on the grounds of taste, we can simply ban "I'm gunna" entirely. We can all invariably say "I will" by simply discounting the fine niceties of that page of the rules of grammar. You'll save three syllables every time and it stops you sounding as thick as two short planks. Promise yourself never to use "I am going to" for the rest of your life and you'll go up one Approximated Social Grade overnight.

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Never lard every sentence with "know what I mean". I've had to walk out of rooms sometimes to get away from hearing the constant repetition.