Hello Yet Again!

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tabby
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Location: Virginia

Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

I received the email encouraging members to return and say hello so here I am having to relearn how to use this format!

I think I was last here about 3 years ago. I guess it was around 10 or 12 years ago that my ailing mother came to live with us after having been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Caring for her all these years was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She developed dementia as well and that was a whole new ballgame. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

She passed away on October 2nd. Our lives revolved around her for more than a decade. We spent most of the last quarter of the year filling out the endless paperwork that comes with someone's death plus clearing out storage units of my parents household.

Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Well, aside from that, most things have been good and well and life goes on.

I hope everyone here is well!

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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

Hi tabby,

I'm sorry your time with your mother was so tied up with her illness and degeneration, it will take a long while for your family to get any sort of perspective on it. There's no telling how she would have fared without your care, I hope you can take a break soon and plan what you want to do.

I hope you're enjoying the trivia, it leaves me banging my head on the table sometimes.

It's good to see you online here again.



oh - "relearn how to use this format" - no, you last saw the site running vBulletin but it's now on a different forum package, phpBB. All the controls have changed, this is as close as we could get it. We took as much of the old content across as we could but we lost passwords and avatars, for example.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

Welcome, it’s good to see you back here.

Condolences on your mother’s passing, it is never an easy time, especially after such a long illness.

This side of the pond? Life progresses, we have 3 more children in the family since you left. We love them to bits but I’d forgotten how hard it can be looking after a toddler - or maybe we’re just getting older. Still, our turn is only one day a week with the grandson and the great grandchildren have their own grandparents to spoil them :-)
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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

spot wrote: Sat Jan 28, 2023 2:13 pm Hi tabby,

I'm sorry your time with your mother was so tied up with her illness and degeneration, it will take a long while for your family to get any sort of perspective on it. There's no telling how she would have fared without your care, I hope you can take a break soon and plan what you want to do.

Thank you for your comments. Her death wasn't entirely unexpected but it was still a jolt. Taking a break soon would be a fine thing!

I hope you're enjoying the trivia, it leaves me banging my head on the table sometimes.

I do like the trivia quiz. I was so frustrated one day a few weeks ago when I clicked on the button to start the quiz without realizing my internet connection had dropped me. Ugh! And wouldn't you know it was one of the few times I actually scored a 10 but because it calculated me as taking over 600 seconds, I fell into last place. Grrr!!

It's good to see you online here again.



oh - "relearn how to use this format" - no, you last saw the site running vBulletin but it's now on a different forum package, phpBB. All the controls have changed, this is as close as we could get it. We took as much of the old content across as we could but we lost passwords and avatars, for example.
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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

Bryn Mawr wrote: Sat Jan 28, 2023 9:52 pm Welcome, it’s good to see you back here.

Condolences on your mother’s passing, it is never an easy time, especially after such a long illness.

It's true! My father died quite suddenly from a heart attack in 2008 and of course it was still devastating but I think it was easier, certainly on him and I think long term on family. Sudden is better and I hope that's how I go when it comes to that.

This side of the pond? Life progresses, we have 3 more children in the family since you left. We love them to bits but I’d forgotten how hard it can be looking after a toddler - or maybe we’re just getting older. Still, our turn is only one day a week with the grandson and the great grandchildren have their own grandparents to spoil them :-)
Congratulations on the grand & great grandchildren! How many in total are there?
contrary1
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by contrary1 »

I too got the notice this morning. It's been so many years since I was here, I don't even remember. And yes, it's probably age. :) I remember really enjoying this site and I joined in '05 and was back a couple times after '07 when I wandered off. LIfe changes, kids grow up, people change, but there's always room for some new friends.
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chonsigirl
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by chonsigirl »

Hello everyone. It was nice to receive the email. Life has changed I am retired now. But it is good. Just quiet without the daily school bells. I spend my time taking care of my husband, tai chi and riding horses. I shall bookmark the site and visit you all.
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

It's remarkably pleasing to see you both here online again. It's a different world to 2005. We didn't have Donald Trump in the news so much back then - I don't think I'd heard of him at all - but politics was just as partisan. I'm growing to dislike partisan as time goes on. Retirement is fine so long as you still have something to care about, chonsi. I'm not sure I could curry a horse but if that works for you then well done.

ForumGarden seems to have been overtaken a decade or so back by social media - I'm not sure we ever qualified as social media. We weren't ever FaceBook, we weren't even MySpace, but there's still something solid about adding posts to a continuous record like this. I do hope long-standing posters continue to drop by and say how their world has turned.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

tabby wrote: Sun Jan 29, 2023 1:11 pm
Bryn Mawr wrote: Sat Jan 28, 2023 9:52 pm Welcome, it’s good to see you back here.

Condolences on your mother’s passing, it is never an easy time, especially after such a long illness.

It's true! My father died quite suddenly from a heart attack in 2008 and of course it was still devastating but I think it was easier, certainly on him and I think long term on family. Sudden is better and I hope that's how I go when it comes to that.

This side of the pond? Life progresses, we have 3 more children in the family since you left. We love them to bits but I’d forgotten how hard it can be looking after a toddler - or maybe we’re just getting older. Still, our turn is only one day a week with the grandson and the great grandchildren have their own grandparents to spoil them :-)
Congratulations on the grand & great grandchildren! How many in total are there?
Currently it stands at four children, eight grandchildren and five great grandchildren but I’ve now been told that we have one more grandchild and two more great grandchildren on the way - rabbits, the whole bunch of them!
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

Hi Chonsi, great to see you back.

And hello to the Contrary one - I must admit I don’t recognise the name but you’re welcome anyway :D
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Betty Boop
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Betty Boop »

Welcome back everyone.
contrary1
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by contrary1 »

Bryn Mawr wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:10 am Hi Chonsi, great to see you back.

And hello to the Contrary one - I must admit I don’t recognise the name but you’re welcome anyway :D
I'm sure I was a different name then. :)
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

contrary1 wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 3:06 pm
Bryn Mawr wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:10 am Hi Chonsi, great to see you back.

And hello to the Contrary one - I must admit I don’t recognise the name but you’re welcome anyway :D
I'm sure I was a different name then. :)
I’m sure you did :lol:
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

contrary1 wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 3:06 pm
Bryn Mawr wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:10 am Hi Chonsi, great to see you back.

And hello to the Contrary one - I must admit I don’t recognise the name but you’re welcome anyway :D
I'm sure I was a different name then. :)
It's a pleasure to have you visit. Do you remember who you were? We'd added the usernames to the emails but then the mass mailer gets multiple usernames so it has no idea what to say inside the message, so nobody knows. Probably.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
contrary1
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by contrary1 »

'm sure I would have been Nuthrday. That's the email the invitation came to anyway.
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

contrary1 wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 3:58 pm 'm sure I would have been Nuthrday. That's the email the invitation came to anyway.
Yes, that would be the one.
Victoria
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Victoria »

Hello everyone..

Hi Tabby, sorry to hear about your mum.. If cancer is a killer then dementia is the thief of souls. Its heartbreaking to watch the person you love fade away..

Hugs.
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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

Victoria wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 2:33 am Hello everyone..

Hi Tabby, sorry to hear about your mum.. If cancer is a killer then dementia is the thief of souls. Its heartbreaking to watch the person you love fade away..

Hugs.
Thank you, Victoria. It sounds like you've had experience in coping with it. In some ways it felt like my mother died a few years ago bit by bit. It was a new low when she reached a point of not knowing I was her daughter. She said she knew that she had known me for a long time but she didn't remember from where. She did remember my name though. As time went on she "forgot" how to talk and essentially became nonverbal. People tell me to remember the good times and I do find that helps. There were lots of them.

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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

Victoria
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Victoria »

tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:36 pm
Victoria wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 2:33 am Hello everyone..

Hi Tabby, sorry to hear about your mum.. If cancer is a killer then dementia is the thief of souls. Its heartbreaking to watch the person you love fade away..

Hugs.
Thank you, Victoria. It sounds like you've had experience in coping with it. In some ways it felt like my mother died a few years ago bit by bit. It was a new low when she reached a point of not knowing I was her daughter. She said she knew that she had known me for a long time but she didn't remember from where. She did remember my name though. As time went on she "forgot" how to talk and essentially became nonverbal. People tell me to remember the good times and I do find that helps. There were lots of them.


Time will help filter those bad sad times and help you to concentrate on the good times.
Experience... Yes my MIL had Alzheimer's she thought I was a nurse but she remembered my dogs and my son who she adored. In some ways it was easier when I cared for her that she thought I was a nurse.
I only cared for her on holidays or as respite for my sister in law not full time.
I did work for 17 years as a home carer with lots of dementia patients in various stages of the condition. But its very different working with strangers and caring for loved ones..

Now I am officially my husband's full time carer , he has frontal temporal dementia..
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

As an aside in the thread, for anyone who lands in it from Googling the content, Big Clive did a very helpful YouTube video on the topic - I've not yet seen a better one.


Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been and looked.

On the original vBulletin system - up until 3 years back - there was a ban process in use. There were 12 ex-users in it when we switched to this phpBB software, all of whom were listed before 2010. Some of those had registered several times, so there were more than 12 banned accounts, but they related to 12 banned ex-users. Only one (Glaswegian) was banned on the basis of personality clash, most involved safety or legal issues, none lacked a good justification. We tried very hard to keep that list as small as we could but they'd still be challenged if they showed up again.

Over the years there had been temporary bans, none of those remain anywhere in the system. I picked up several of those myself.

A third category exists. I can see 10 user accounts to which it applies. These are accounts for users who requested that ForumGarden block all future access to their account, so that they could get on with life and not get drawn back into spending so much time online. What we did in those cases was to wish them well, randomly reset their account password and put a non-working email address on the account so they couldn't later request a password reset (we put the date @ example.com in the email field, because example.com has no email server). Clearly they'd be welcome if they ever registered a new account but we'd have no way of knowing they were that ex-user returning. It seemed a workable solution, but they were never banned.

We use the Akismet anti-spam filter for new registrations and that permanently bans thousands of bots a year, but it's a background process which only applies to registration. It has no manual controls, it just blocks known spammer bot traits.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Victoria
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Victoria »

spot wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 2:16 am As an aside in the thread, for anyone who lands in it from Googling the content, Big Clive did a very helpful YouTube video on the topic - I've not yet seen a better one.




Id have to say if you want really good information about dementia delivered in sometimes quite a funny way then there is nothing better than the videos of teepa snow..
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Snooz
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Snooz »

tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

Snooz wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:49 pm
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
Much like me, early retirement but now old enough to qualify as officially retired. Perfectly happy with keeping myself busy without the grief of work as it was at the end.
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

Snooz wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:49 pm
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
Look on the bright side - think of all the times you didn't get banned.

I'm not sure at what age Americans hit official retirement- is it 75 or 80?

I'm approaching yet another birthday. Nobody ever puts candles on a cake for me any more, they say it would melt the icing.

What have you been reading?
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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tabby
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Location: Virginia

Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

Victoria wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 12:00 am
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:36 pm
Victoria wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 2:33 am Hello everyone..






Time will help filter those bad sad times and help you to concentrate on the good times.
Experience... Yes my MIL had Alzheimer's she thought I was a nurse but she remembered my dogs and my son who she adored. In some ways it was easier when I cared for her that she thought I was a nurse.
I only cared for her on holidays or as respite for my sister in law not full time.
I did work for 17 years as a home carer with lots of dementia patients in various stages of the condition. But its very different working with strangers and caring for loved ones..

Now I am officially my husband's full time carer , he has frontal temporal dementia..
I'm so sorry to hear that about your husband. I'm sure you have your hands full. I don't know how you did it for so long as a home carer but I'm sure it had its rewards. Same with nursing in general, I think. It's not for me but I'm grateful that some people have the instinct. My past abilities in providing nursing care never went any further than handing someone a band-aid. With my mother, it came on slowly and I took on more and more over time which let me ease into it somewhat. I hope your husband has some awareness left and is still at a point to enjoy his days.

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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

spot wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 2:38 am
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been and looked.

On the original vBulletin system - up until 3 years back - there was a ban process in use. There were 12 ex-users in it when we switched to this phpBB software, all of whom were listed before 2010. Some of those had registered several times, so there were more than 12 banned accounts, but they related to 12 banned ex-users. Only one (Glaswegian) was banned on the basis of personality clash, most involved safety or legal issues, none lacked a good justification. We tried very hard to keep that list as small as we could but they'd still be challenged if they showed up again.

Over the years there had been temporary bans, none of those remain anywhere in the system. I picked up several of those myself.

A third category exists. I can see 10 user accounts to which it applies. These are accounts for users who requested that ForumGarden block all future access to their account, so that they could get on with life and not get drawn back into spending so much time online. What we did in those cases was to wish them well, randomly reset their account password and put a non-working email address on the account so they couldn't later request a password reset (we put the date @ example.com in the email field, because example.com has no email server). Clearly they'd be welcome if they ever registered a new account but we'd have no way of knowing they were that ex-user returning. It seemed a workable solution, but they were never banned.

We use the Akismet anti-spam filter for new registrations and that permanently bans thousands of bots a year, but it's a background process which only applies to registration. It has no manual controls, it just blocks known spammer bot traits.
It seemed like more but you would know! Maybe because they were vociferous or disruptive it made their presence seem larger and made it feel like more of them in my memory. The only two I remember that I thought were permanent bans when I was here were Oscar & JJ. I enjoyed their posts for the most part but I think Politics were the downfall. I'm guessing the Political categories bring out more emotion than milder topics.

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tabby
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by tabby »

Snooz wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:49 pm
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
Snoozy! Congrats on your retirement! It's nice to get out of bed when you want and not have time constraints. Your time is your own to squander if you wish.
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Betty Boop
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Betty Boop »

spot wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 4:17 am
Snooz wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:49 pm
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
Look on the bright side - think of all the times you didn't get banned.

I'm not sure at what age Americans hit official retirement- is it 75 or 80?

I'm approaching yet another birthday. Nobody ever puts candles on a cake for me any more, they say it would melt the icing.

What have you been reading?
Cake?? who bothers to give you cake?
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YZGI
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by YZGI »

Hello all. I too am retired now for a couple of years. My wife still works (basically for health insurance). I have built a barndominium on our family property. My family has had this property since 1883. We love living in the country. I manage the farming business on the property (we share crop the land). Other than that I golf, cut and split around ten ricks of wood a year for our wood burning fireplace and take care of our two golden retrievers. Nice to read up on everyone. I do come here from time to time to lurk and read what is up and who is still around.
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Bryn Mawr
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Bryn Mawr »

YZGI wrote: Fri Feb 03, 2023 8:02 am Hello all. I too am retired now for a couple of years. My wife still works (basically for health insurance). I have built a barndominium on our family property. My family has had this property since 1883. We love living in the country. I manage the farming business on the property (we share crop the land). Other than that I golf, cut and split around ten ricks of wood a year for our wood burning fireplace and take care of our two golden retrievers. Nice to read up on everyone. I do come here from time to time to lurk and read what is up and who is still around.
It’s good to hear that you and yours are still doing well - the quiz is a very silent place.
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Snooz
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by Snooz »

Betty Boop wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 2:51 pm
spot wrote: Thu Feb 02, 2023 4:17 am
Snooz wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 5:49 pm
tabby wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:41 pm I bet the forum would be an even livelier place if the moderators invited all of the banned people too! There were definitely some livewires that were banned when I was here.

I've been banned more times than I can count. Luckily for me, spot is a very forgiving fellow.

Not much new for me. I'm still retired but I officially became a senior citizen last month so that's exciting. Or maybe a little depressing. I'm not sure yet.
Look on the bright side - think of all the times you didn't get banned.

I'm not sure at what age Americans hit official retirement- is it 75 or 80?

I'm approaching yet another birthday. Nobody ever puts candles on a cake for me any more, they say it would melt the icing.

What have you been reading?
Cake?? who bothers to give you cake?
Official retirement age is 95. I'm really feeling my years.

I just got a used copy of Dorothy Must Die, Book 1
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spot
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Re: Hello Yet Again!

Post by spot »

Snooz wrote: Fri Feb 03, 2023 10:16 pm I just got a used copy of Dorothy Must Die, Book 1
I'm not sure the world as described by Danielle Paige is a precise match for my own environment. I may, of course, be deficient, perhaps I've not gone out and experienced enough of it yet. Or she may be the Jane Austen for her own generation, I can't tell. There's some strange people out there though.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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