Punography
Punography
Here are some puns . Please forgive me !
Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .
Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .
What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .
Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .
What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .
If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .
The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."
What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .
Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."
What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .
What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .
Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .
Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .
What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .
Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .
What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .
If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .
The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."
What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .
Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."
What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .
What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .
Punography
image hosting
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
Punography
images upload
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
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- Posts: 668
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:00 am
Punography
My all-time favorite:
Why did the young mother name her quadruplets Eenie, Meenie, Mynee, and Irving?
Because she didn't want no Mo'.
Why did the young mother name her quadruplets Eenie, Meenie, Mynee, and Irving?
Because she didn't want no Mo'.
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- Posts: 668
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:00 am
Punography
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can't hear a vitamin.
You can't hear a vitamin.
Punography
superhorn;1506995 wrote: Here are some puns . Please forgive me !
Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .
Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .
What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .
Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .
What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .
If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .
The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."
What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .
Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."
What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .
What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .
LOVED these!
Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .
Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .
What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .
Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .
What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .
If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .
The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."
What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .
Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."
What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .
What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .
LOVED these!
Punography
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
Don't pay her.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
Punography
It's time for Gravy to have a Knighthood, a true honour to Bisto upon him.
Punography
Bryn Mawr;1507090 wrote: It's time for Gravy to have a Knighthood, a true honour to Bisto upon him.
I must admit, I had to look that up.
I must admit, I had to look that up.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
Punography
tude dog;1507092 wrote: I must admit, I had to look that up.
Me too.
Me too.
Punography
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Read them carefully. Each is an artificial
word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are
terrifically innovative:
1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extracredit.)
10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's,
like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
And The #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Read them carefully. Each is an artificial
word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are
terrifically innovative:
1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extracredit.)
10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's,
like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
And The #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Punography
tude dog;1507092 wrote: I must admit, I had to look that up.
Ah, that must be a local joke then - it worked well for me
Ah, that must be a local joke then - it worked well for me
Punography
Have you seen the new hotel right next to the dividing wall in Bethlehem - they've called it the Walledoff Hotel :-
Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News
Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News
Punography
Bryn Mawr;1507106 wrote: Have you seen the new hotel right next to the dividing wall in Bethlehem - they've called it the Walledoff Hotel :-
Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News
pic hosting
Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News
pic hosting
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
Punography
Bryn Mawr;1507105 wrote: Ah, that must be a local joke then - it worked well for me
Local, yes. But it worked for me.
Local, yes. But it worked for me.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
- magentaflame
- Posts: 3007
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 4:11 pm
- Location: Victoria, Australia
Punography
Two vomits were walking around a neighbourhood and one vomit began choking back tears and the other vomit asked why he was crying.
The vomit sobbing replied ,this street is where i was brought up.
The vomit sobbing replied ,this street is where i was brought up.
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
Punography
If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?
European
European
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
She had the black vote all locked up.
- magentaflame
- Posts: 3007
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 4:11 pm
- Location: Victoria, Australia
Punography
Omg! I actually had to think about that. Thats hilarious!.
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
Punography
tude dog;1507354 wrote: If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?
European
That IS funny!! :yh_rotfl
European
That IS funny!! :yh_rotfl
Punography
tude dog;1507354 wrote: If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?
European
Magnificent :wah:
European
Magnificent :wah:
- magentaflame
- Posts: 3007
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 4:11 pm
- Location: Victoria, Australia
Punography
I repeated that pun yesterday in the pub. After a weird look and a seconds silence there was much laughter and discussion (mainly those explaining it to others) a grin and a shake of the head as men passed me to go to the toilet.
Keep em coming.!
Keep em coming.!
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
Punography
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Punography
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."