Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on
a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact,
it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't
find it any other time of year but now. So drink
up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every
sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's
the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand
alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the
volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim,
pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing
else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a
buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in
the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
before becoming the center of attention. They're
like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have
a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat,
have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one
dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's
loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories,
but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when
you leave the party or get up from the table, you
haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start
over, but hurry, January is just around the
corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out
and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!
Holiday Eating Tips!
Holiday Eating Tips!
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Holiday Eating Tips!
1. But I love carrot sticks!
2. Yummm....Egg Nog...Pour me another, friend. And put a little Nutmeg in it this time!
3. Gravy = awesome. I can't put it any other way.
4. Although 2% milk works well.
5. Darn straight.
6. Exercise. Exercise your couch.
7. I'm not a cookie fan. And lurking around food just gets plain creepy after awhile.
8. Just leave me some pumpkin pie and nobody gets hurt. Otherwise, well...I'm not responsible for my actions if I am forced to go pie-less.
9. Don't avoid it; put it to good use! Doorstops are always useful.
10. Be sure to have a forklift on standby in case you need to be carried home.
2. Yummm....Egg Nog...Pour me another, friend. And put a little Nutmeg in it this time!
3. Gravy = awesome. I can't put it any other way.
4. Although 2% milk works well.
5. Darn straight.
6. Exercise. Exercise your couch.
7. I'm not a cookie fan. And lurking around food just gets plain creepy after awhile.
8. Just leave me some pumpkin pie and nobody gets hurt. Otherwise, well...I'm not responsible for my actions if I am forced to go pie-less.
9. Don't avoid it; put it to good use! Doorstops are always useful.
10. Be sure to have a forklift on standby in case you need to be carried home.
Holiday Eating Tips!
Fyrehawke wrote: 1. But I love carrot sticks!
2. Yummm....Egg Nog...Pour me another, friend. And put a little Nutmeg in it this time!
3. Gravy = awesome. I can't put it any other way.
4. Although 2% milk works well.
5. Darn straight.
6. Exercise. Exercise your couch.
7. I'm not a cookie fan. And lurking around food just gets plain creepy after awhile.
8. Just leave me some pumpkin pie and nobody gets hurt. Otherwise, well...I'm not responsible for my actions if I am forced to go pie-less.
9. Don't avoid it; put it to good use! Doorstops are always useful.
10. Be sure to have a forklift on standby in case you need to be carried home.
:p :p :p
2. Yummm....Egg Nog...Pour me another, friend. And put a little Nutmeg in it this time!
3. Gravy = awesome. I can't put it any other way.
4. Although 2% milk works well.
5. Darn straight.
6. Exercise. Exercise your couch.
7. I'm not a cookie fan. And lurking around food just gets plain creepy after awhile.
8. Just leave me some pumpkin pie and nobody gets hurt. Otherwise, well...I'm not responsible for my actions if I am forced to go pie-less.
9. Don't avoid it; put it to good use! Doorstops are always useful.
10. Be sure to have a forklift on standby in case you need to be carried home.
:p :p :p
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