Watching a show on a woman killing her abusive husband

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 6:42 pm

I want to know how much she was abused as a child. I want to know how long she allowed the abuse from her husband to continue. I want to know how isolated she felt. I want to know if the kids witnessed the abuse. I want to know what made her "Snap" and kill. I really wonder about people who say they killed their spouse because they didn't know they could escape. What is your opinion?

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:04 pm

I honestly believe that they feel there is no other way. The abuser has usually told them time and time again that if they ever leave, they are dead. I was told by the police when I was married to my first husband that even with a restraining order, that didn't mean he wouldn't come and kill me. They couldn't be there 24/7.

So, I put up with it a little longer. The cops told me if I ever felt my life was in immediate danger to get away from doors and windows, make sure he was coming towards me, and shoot him. Great advice huh? I got to the point where I knew one of us was going to die and it sure as hell wasn't going to be me. I got up the guts, got a lawyer, and got out. He stalked me for a while until his dad paid him to move to Florida under the condition he never came back here when he got in trouble with the law. Not everyone is as lucky.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:09 pm

I had to send my daughter out a window one night......I got a lifetime restraining order the day our divorce was granted - of course I understand her.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:17 pm

A lot of you know just how I feel about this subject. It's too bad some women don't believe there is any other way, but for some of them, there isn't.

This is probably going to sound incredibly harsh to a lot of people, and I fully expect an attempt to stomp me for what I'm about to say, but hey, it's how I feel. Stomp away.

I think that for the women who believe there is no other way and end up killing their abuser, it's much needed therapy. They have been victimized and traumatized for so long, been told over and over that they will never escape, never get away from the a$$holes beating them, that when they do kill them, they are given a new sense of power. A sense that, yes, they CAN protect themselves and YES, they are worthy of protection, even when that protection has to come from themselves.

For the ones who do kill an abuser, I say, you go girl. :yh_clap :yh_clap

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:30 pm

It is very understandable to strike out at an abuser, sometimes it results in their death. On the other hand, how many of the abused are the victims that die? That death rate is much higher.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:35 pm

chonsigirl wrote: On the other hand, how many of the abused are the victims that die? That death rate is much higher.

Precisely why I applaud the few women who take out some of these bastards. Kind of a "I-may-be-going-down-but-I'm-taking-a-couple-of-you-with-me" attitude. Ya know?

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 8:38 pm

BabyRider wrote: A lot of you know just how I feel about this subject. It's too bad some women don't believe there is any other way, but for some of them, there isn't.

This is probably going to sound incredibly harsh to a lot of people, and I fully expect an attempt to stomp me for what I'm about to say, but hey, it's how I feel. Stomp away.

I think that for the women who believe there is no other way and end up killing their abuser, it's much needed therapy. They have been victimized and traumatized for so long, been told over and over that they will never escape, never get away from the a$$holes beating them, that when they do kill them, they are given a new sense of power. A sense that, yes, they CAN protect themselves and YES, they are worthy of protection, even when that protection has to come from themselves.

For the ones who do kill an abuser, I say, you go girl. :yh_clap :yh_clap

:yh_worshp

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 4:21 am

remember that old farrah fawcett movie, the burning bed? true story, the first abused woman defense to murder, i watched that grade B movie in tears because i thought i was going to be the test case, i came close. my husband when i was very young beat me. and he was a police chief. i was trapped in hell. one night he was asleep and i put his service revolver to his head, i was that desperate. all that stopped me was the thought of going to prison and leaving my babies. i was within one second of pulling the trigger. ...a couple years later i beat the snot out of him with a 2x4. ...and said f**k you, I'LL be the cop..... no man would ever dare touch me since that day years ago. and any guy (or female) who assaulted me since has found themselves on the ground with my jackboot on his neck. you will either succumb to the violence or you will fight back and get strong. or get strong enough to leave.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 5:06 am

I have a friend who lives in a small town. Her husband is chief of police, her father in law is mayor. Her husband has told her many times how no charges will ever stick, noone will ever believe her, they'll have her locked up for being crazy. She came and stayed with us, found an apartment, and then

ended up back with him.

:(

grizabela · Post by **grizabela** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:06 pm

BabyRider-----Amen.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:18 pm

It is a 50/50 thing........how sad if it isn't true. How sad if it is true...

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:14 am

Peg wrote: I have a friend who lives in a small town. Her husband is chief of police, her father in law is mayor. Her husband has told her many times how no charges will ever stick, noone will ever believe her, they'll have her locked up for being crazy. She came and stayed with us, found an apartment, and then

ended up back with him.

And if she killed him now, would you feel it was justified?

grizabela · Post by **grizabela** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 6:05 am

Circumstances, Umbetta, circumstances. At first light it would be natural to assume that the woman went back to her abusive husband, so she is 'just asking for it', or that it really wasn't as bad as she made it sound, which would not give her any justification for killing him, whatsoever.

You don't know, however, what made her go back with him. Did he threaten her? Did she feel so hopeless regarding her future that going back to him appeared to be the only choice she had? Did he convince her that things were going to change, and that "it won't ever happen again"? Abusive people can be very persuasive.

A person who is being abused has a level of self esteem that is close to zilch. If she had not been receiving professional help, had no marketable job skills, had no, or a limited amount, of education, had no family or friends who understood what she was going through, no support system, etc., ---any one of, or a combination of these things could be the reason she went back to him.

These are some of the circumstances you would have to look at to be able to tell if killing him after 'voluntarily' going back to him was justified. Every case is different.

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 6:24 am

grizabela wrote: Circumstances, Umbetta, circumstances. At first light it would be natural to assume that the woman went back to her abusive husband, so she is 'just asking for it', or that it really wasn't as bad as she made it sound, which would not give her any justification for killing him, whatsoever.

You don't know, however, what made her go back with him. Did he threaten her? Did she feel so hopeless regarding her future that going back to him appeared to be the only choice she had? Did he convince her that things were going to change, and that "it won't ever happen again"? Abusive people can be very persuasive.

A person who is being abused has a level of self esteem that is close to zilch. If she had not been receiving professional help, had no marketable job skills, had no, or a limited amount, of education, had no family or friends who understood what she was going through, no support system, etc., ---any one of, or a combination of these things could be the reason she went back to him.

These are some of the circumstances you would have to look at to be able to tell if killing him after 'voluntarily' going back to him was justified. Every case is different.

Which is why I asked the question of the person who knows the circumstances.

IMO, and while I understand circumstances, there are many women who do not take responsibility for the choices they make. They are part of the problem not the solution. The situation described...the woman did have help, did have friends and a support system.