Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

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Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

I'm sorry I just had to write about this as it's really getting me down. I go to a spiritualist church in Bournemouth and there is a healer there (not mentioning names) and she was running a 1-day meditation workshop, the first one she almost had to cancel as some people pulled out including a Scottish friend of mine she totally ignores now because she said she couldn't go. Last Saturday I booked to go to one of her workshops and then I bumped into one of my old college lecturers on the bank holiday Monday, who asked me if I would like to go to a photo shoot at a horse event on the Wilton Eastate near Salisbury on the Saturday where they are also hosting a Cecil Beaton exhibition.

I said Okay and then realized it clashed with the meditation workshop which would be running. So I rang the healer lady up on the Tuesday before to tell her I couldn't go hoping in plenty of time that she could get someone to replace me. Big mistake, she got really annoyed with me which upset me a bit and a friend of the Scottish lady rang up who the healer lady is annoyed with and says that she does it with her, and totally blanks her out just because she couldn't go to her meditation workshop. She now won't have anything to do with me now which is sad as we used to be such good friends. i don't want to fall out with this healer, we had a film evening at the church on the Friday and the healer rang up saying she wouldn't be coming, people said it wasn't because of me, but I know it was which is stupid. :yh_cry

This is a silly way to behave, what if I had been ill. The healer says she £60 out of pocket because she had to pay £30 to book the room, and another £30 even through the workshop was going ahead now. Last time I attended we had eight people, so I can't have been the only one who pulled out. :thinking:

This has depressed me a bit and I have been feeling low ever since because I get agro from people where I live because of my Aspburgers syndrome, the church in Bournemouth was a sanctuary for me because I could talk to people about my anxiety, but not anymore now which is sad. If this healer don't want to speak to me because I couldn't come to one workshop, then it's best I don't come to anymore of them again.

Thanks for reading
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Betty Boop
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Betty Boop »

Keep going.

What you described is not a very spiritual way of treating people. You need to keep going to the place you get support from.

In time it will show that this lady has her own issues she is dealing with, she may never admit she was wrong to take this out on you but she will come to realise that she shouldn't have.
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Oscar Namechange
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Aww Aura, sorry to read you're so upset.

It sounds to me as though the lady has Invested money Into the meetings and unfortunately, that's all she's seeing right now.

Do you have her home phone number? Maybe you could ring her In private and explain how upset you feel ?

If all she does Is continue to talk about her losses, I'm afraid, If It were me, I'd go elsewhere.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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LarsMac
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by LarsMac »

Well, I can see where she would be upset. Nobody seems to take her workshops seriously, at all. Everybody is dodging out of them whenever something they'd rather do pops up.

I think I'd be peeved with you all, as well.
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Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

Do you have her home phone number?


I do but she won't talk to me, asked if I could chat to her later but she said she was busy all afternoon.

Well, I can see where she would be upset. Nobody seems to take her workshops seriously, at all. Everybody is dodging out of them whenever something they'd rather do pops up.

I think I'd be peeved with you all, as well.


That's quite understandable, but I thought she would have found someone to replace me :(
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Oscar Namechange
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Aura, you say In the title of your thread that you consider her a friend.

I can only say what I would do but can't tell you what to do. You have to do what you feel Is right for yourself.

But, If It was me, I'd phone her again and start with ' Look, I'm really upset about this so when Is a good time to call you when you have a few minutes to talk this through'?

If she won't offer you a few minutes to talk to you even at an agreed time, then I'm sorry, but It would leave me to the conclusion that she's putting business over and above the concerns of her attendee's and I'd find another group.

By phoning her again, you are at least giving her the opportunity to make a time to talk to you In case the last time you rang, she was busy. That way, you are being polite. Stress, this has left you upset, tell her you love her meetings, that you regard her as a friend and want to continue but need to clear the air so you can move on.

If she's still hostile, for me, I'd look elsewhere.

Then at least, If you can't resolve It, you know you did your best.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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LarsMac
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by LarsMac »

Oscar Farage;1456132 wrote: Aura, you say In the title of your thread that you consider her a friend.

I can only say what I would do but can't tell you what to do. You have to do what you feel Is right for yourself.

But, If It was me, I'd phone her again and start with ' Look, I'm really upset about this so when Is a good time to call you when you have a few minutes to talk this through'?

If she won't offer you a few minutes to talk to you even at an agreed time, then I'm sorry, but It would leave me to the conclusion that she's putting business over and above the concerns of her attendee's and I'd find another group.

By phoning her again, you are at least giving her the opportunity to make a time to talk to you In case the last time you rang, she was busy. That way, you are being polite. Stress, this has left you upset, tell her you love her meetings, that you regard her as a friend and want to continue but need to clear the air so you can move on.

If she's still hostile, for me, I'd look elsewhere.

Then at least, If you can't resolve It, you know you did your best.


Good advice, though opening with an apology might be a good start.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
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Oscar Namechange
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Oscar Namechange »

LarsMac;1456139 wrote: Good advice, though opening with an apology might be a good start. Yes, that would go a long way also.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

I will see if she turns up on Friday and I'll try and talk to her. If she blanks me out then I will understand.
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Oscar Namechange
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Aura;1456171 wrote: I will see if she turns up on Friday and I'll try and talk to her. If she blanks me out then I will understand. If she does blank you, then harsh as It may sound, she's not a friend.

Most things happen for a reason Aura. If she does blank you, don't feel bad... It wasn't meant to be. Instead, find a new group and look forward to making a whole bunch of new friends. The old saying of ; as one door closes, another opens' Is very true.

Yet, I can understand you feeling hurt. Sometimes we find comfort In a place, surroundings and certain people and when that comes to an end, sometimes we can feel bereft. If she won't listen to you and move on from It then there's a new group and new friends just around the corner.

I sincerely hope It works out for you.... Keep us updated.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

Okay thanks very much :)
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FourPart
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by FourPart »

First of all, I should mention that not only am I not religious, I am anti-religious. However, I still respect others peoples rights to their beliefs.

It strikes me that any church, Spiritualist or otherwise, is fundamentally Christian & that the primary teachings of Christianity are supposed to be Peace, Love, Tolerance & Understanding. Unfortunately, such a worthy tenet rarely puts the theory into practice, as is demonstrated by different denominations bickering between themselves about their own interpretations of what is essentially the same thing.

The point is that as the Guru (or whatever you like to call her) is the teacher here, then it strikes me that she should lead by example.

As borderline Asbergers myself I know exactly where you're coming from with your inner feelings of conflict with yourself, and how it's so difficult to explain what these feelings are to someone else - it's like trying to explain 'Blue' to someone who's been blind from birth, but from what you have said, you have nothing to blame yourself for. It's not as if you had booked & simply not turned up without canceling in advance.

Incidentally, apparently, according to my family tree, I'm supposed to be 23rd in line for the seat of Wilton Manor. I know it sounds fancy, but it's a bit like the old film 'Kind Hearts & Coronets'. Most people, if they research their family background will find a surprisingly close connection to some level of nobility.
Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

Hi do you mean Wilton House, apparently we have ancestors from there as well. One of the Lords was very naughty with women (so I was told) it's a ridiculous way to behave I know, saw her yesterday. Apparently she had a go at the receptionist then apologized later (only because the receptionist knows the guys who run the church, and if she had said anything they would have given the other a reprimand). I tried talking to her but she said it was all in the past now and I had brought up again!
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High Threshold
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by High Threshold »

Aura;1456179 wrote: Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?


The healer needs healing. Offer her your services. But to be perfectly honest, she's in the wrong business. Suggest to her she ought to try Reiki by phone - Aura.

BTW: LarsMac is right, you know.
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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

I agree with that. She doesn't sound much like a friend, a business woman and Is In the wrong Industry.

Spiritual healers should be aware they are dealing with vulnerable people and I think refusing to talk It through Is hostile and lacking empathy.

If It were me, I'd find another group rather than go to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable.

A new group will bring new openings and new friends. Me, I wouldn't give this woman another penny,
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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High Threshold
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Post by High Threshold »

Oscar Namechange;1456600 wrote: ..... Spiritual healers ..... are dealing with vulnerable people .....


...... and gullible. In addition to that, Aura is seeking confirmation that she's the "injured party" but this "Scottish friend of hers" is smoke and mirrrors to discredit the healer. I think Aura owes an explanation and a thorough appology ..... more (it seems) than she is willing to provide.
Aura
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Aura »

Spiritual healers should be aware they are dealing with vulnerable people and I think refusing to talk It through Is hostile and lacking empathy


Exactly, I didn't stay long yesterday and I'll change my day on when I can come.
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High Threshold
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Post by High Threshold »

I rest my case.
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

Oscar Namechange;1456600 wrote: I agree with that. She doesn't sound much like a friend, a business woman and Is In the wrong Industry.

Spiritual healers should be aware they are dealing with vulnerable people and I think refusing to talk It through Is hostile and lacking empathy.

If It were me, I'd find another group rather than go to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable.

A new group will bring new openings and new friends. Me, I wouldn't give this woman another penny,


High Threshold;1456602 wrote: ...... and gullible. In addition to that, Aura is seeking confirmation that she's the "injured party" but this "Scottish friend of hers" is smoke and mirrrors to discredit the healer. I think Aura owes an explanation and a thorough appology ..... more (it seems) than she is willing to provide.


This "Healer" does not sound all that "spiritual" to me.

Though I do sort of understand her getting her nose outa joint when people bail out on her workshops. But then, maybe she needs to examine why they do that. It might be her.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
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Oscar Namechange
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Aura;1456603 wrote: Exactly, I didn't stay long yesterday and I'll change my day on when I can come. Just enter Into google, spiritual healers for your area. I'm sure there are more In Bournemouth for you as It's a large area. Look upon It as a new opportunity to meet new friends. Sometimes In life we have to kiss a few frogs before we find our Prince. You certainly won't benefit from being somewhere that makes you feel uncomfortable.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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FourPart
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by FourPart »

Aura;1456582 wrote: Hi do you mean Wilton House, apparently we have ancestors from there as well. One of the Lords was very naughty with women (so I was told).
Yes, just outside of Salisbury. Actually, there is even more chance that we are related somehow, as most of my family are from in & around Bournemouth.

When the series 'Roots' was on TV, back in the 70s, it triggered a major trend for people to research their family trees, but as with most trends it soon subsided. My Grandmother, on the other hand, continued to work at it. Fortunately we have one relative on her side who has a senior position at Lambeth Palace, so she was able to get to records that are not generally available. When she passed away, My Cousin took over the reins of the ongoing task.



It's a ridiculous way to behave I know, saw her yesterday.

Apparently she had a go at the receptionist then apologized later (only because the receptionist knows the guys who run the church, and if she had said anything they would have given the other a reprimand). I tried talking to her but she said it was all in the past now and I had brought up again!
I would be inclined to talk to the Elders of the Church (or whatever you call those that run it). It sounds as if she's making use of the church as a means to an end in order to benefit herself, rather than others, which goes against the theoretical tenet of Christian teaching. As I see it, with it being connected to the church, there's no way she should be charging any fee at all, and certainly not those sort of rates. It should be more of a Spiritual Calling. I believe a fiver is the usual cost, just to cover expenses, and even then that is often dropped at the organiser's discretion if the person concerned is on a limited income.
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High Threshold
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Feeling depressed can you advise me on so called friend please?

Post by High Threshold »

LarsMac;1456624 wrote: This "Healer" does not sound all that "spiritual" to me.
Too true. Reminds me of the one visit I made to a local buddhist "do". The temple (a hall really) was adorned with autographed photos of Swedish celebrities. I asked myself, "Is this in keeping with one's inner self, the non-materialistic, non-pretentious world?" Anyway, I was only a visitor (amongst the other 30 or so regulars) and I was bemused that the monk spoke on and on and on (unprepared and in vague, general terms) about selfishness. Is that as far as they'd got? And then there was the guy who sat behind his girlfriend so that he could very demonstratively apply a massage to her back and neck. I did a bunk at the first chai break.



LarsMac;1456624 wrote: ...... But then, maybe she needs to examine why they do that. It might be her.


The plot thickens.
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