How well do we know our cyber friends

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sun Oct 09, 2005 11:40 pm

A comment somebody made recently got me thinking about this subject and i just wonded if any of you have a take on it - cyber friends do we really know the people we talk to daily. I am new to forums as you have proberbly already worked out so i find it weird making frienships online(i prefur one on one), but it is nice talking to people from different backgrounds and cultures.The one thing thats always in the back of my mind is- is the person im getting to know full of BS - im always suspicious of the ones who want to be your new best friend (while your popular) then the e-mails stop because they have found someone even more popular. I find my BS radar spots them easily they deluded themselfs into believing they are interllectuality superior when the truth is their knowledge just comes from google they try to hard to be liked make up stories to pull at your heartstrings but really its all just bull. Maybe its just me - i used to be a special constable so i can spot a liar at twenty paces. Has this happened to anybody else.sarahxx

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 11:46 pm

I've come across lots of "BS'ers" since becoming a part of the interent. I prefer one-on-one talks via email or messenger because it's a bit easier to catch them up in a lie regarding the life they are attempting to portray. I am always leery of new people I meet, but highly value the ones who turned out to be who they say they are.

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:13 am

I'v also wondered how well you can get to know people online and it really comes down to how open and honest the person is and how often they are online. I think you can see a genuineness about people in what responses they post. Like when someone says that they have a problem battling something thats going on with them, you often find that a certain group of people show genuine concern and try to help that person and encourage them as much as possible. I personally find that I really do feel for the person thats having problems and I think there are a lot of FG members that are the same, otherwise why would they take the time to post a response.

I don't know about other forums as I spend all my time here, but I am sure that some people (not regular FG members and posters) do make up a lot of crap. Thats why we rely on LCs BS detector.

A really interesting subject though and would be good to do some proper research on.

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:19 am

i think that is half of the fun about the internet. you get to meet the most outrageous people ever! and if they are not 100%genuine atleast you got a kick out of it. just as with any new relationship. you shouldnt wear your heart on your sleve if you fear getting it dirty. But if your not afraid of a little dirt then say to he-- with it and go along for the ride.

theia · Post by **theia** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:40 am

We know only what other people choose to tell us. And then we have the choice whether or not to respond to them. If someone isn't genuine in the real world then I suppose they won't be honest on the internet either. And I suppose that the internet allows more opportunity for people to be someone other than who they are in real life. Which maybe is okay, I think, if it's done in a spirit of play. I mean, isn't life a stage?

I suppose a lot depends on what we mean by "being honest" I'm certain we can all exaggerate at times or spice up an incident or experience to make for better reading. It's when we deliberately try to mislead others, intending to cause hurt, that it becomes insidious.

All we have really are words on screen. But it's like any friendship. We warm to some words more than others. As to whether those words are honest, only time will tell. We have to take risks in getting to know others, whether on the internet or in real life. It's just that online we have less information to work on.

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:20 am

Very interesting question this. I have to agree with Theia's philosophy on this subject.

I know that many people use the chat rooms and forums availble on the Net, to be able to pretend to be someone that they are not. I suppose most of these people are portrayed to be the geek, who has no real life friends because of numerous things, but on here, he can be a whole different person, and meet people who he would believe he could not meet in the real world.

I've met quite a few nice people around the Net before, and although I try not to thing about it, always somewhere that thought is lurking in the back of my mind. However, if someone wants to be someone they aren't, then I'm really not too bothered as long as these lies don't go on to hurt others. If it is all in a sort of playful spirit then I personally don't think that it is as bad a thing as some people make it out to be.

In the end it's up to us as to the opinions we make on others. I agree that one-to one chats are a lot easier in being able to catch out liars, but then you have to consider why are they lying in the first place. Is it just too try and become friends with u, or something else? These are things that you have to bear in mind when meeting people across the web, and it's up to you as to how you deal with them.

PurpleChicken · Post by **PurpleChicken** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:54 am

I was always fairly cautious and didn't really think you could make good friendships over the internet. But I'm certainly changing my tune. You can get to know someone very well over the net, though it is a different type of friendship to one based on a one-to-one relationship.

The biggest pitfall as you rightly point out is the potential for people to lie. If it's not hurting anyone, then, like Chris, I'm not too bothered. To be honest, I think it takes waaay more effort to lie than to be honest, so if that's what someone wants to do to make themselves feel better, then good luck to them. I think that if you're starting to get really involved with someone though (for example a cyber relationship), then that's when you really need to be cautious. And I'd certainly be mixing in other forms of communication before making any serious committments.

Like anything, it's all about moderation - you need to balance your e-life with your real life, and have a good mixture of virtual and real friends!!

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:29 am

I find it amazing that a few well chosen complementary words or a good recycled story can fool so many people - how to spot a BS******they love every body even if you have only known them two weeks they pick and choose what to tell you, their racist undertones will always be well hidden. Once they have wormed their way in they form little clicks (sorry cant spell) then start to pick on others when they know the majority will be on their side then your new best friend will find somebody more valuable. I have come across a couple in my short time online and whats sad is these people just move from one to another they are really pathetic soals who must spend their life very lonely beause they really dont realize how obvious they are.

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:44 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: I find it amazing that a few well chosen complementary words or a good recycled story can fool so many people - how to spot a BS******they love every body even if you have only known them two weeks they pick and choose what to tell you, their racist undertones will always be well hidden. Once they have wormed their way in they form little clicks (sorry cant spell) then start to pick on others when they know the majority will be on their side then your new best friend will find somebody more valuable. I have come across a couple in my short time online and whats sad is these people just move from one to another they are really pathetic soals who must spend their life very lonely beause they really dont realize how obvious they are.

I'm sorry to hear that u have had such a bad time with these kind of people online. I agree that there are some people out there who are extremely nasty, but make themselves out to be so good and kind. I know a few people on here who have had similar problems with idiots on-line who I'm sure will have experienced something similiar as u have.

Hopefully though u find FG to not be such a place, as at least for the amount of time I have spent here, feel very comfortable around everyone, as they have all made me so welcome. I hope you find your problems with these idiots goes away, and u try to enjoy your time here as much as possible.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:54 am

Thanks chris - im ok ive got rhino hide - i just think we all should be careful - i just like to sit back and watch these people operate. Even FG has its sharks !!

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:56 am

I belong to a fairly large, online dog forum. Every year we have a rescue event and I have met many members that way. I have found them to be open and caring people and much as I expected them to be from their posts online.

Having said that, I rarely go into public chat rooms and I never im anyone that I don't "know".

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:03 am

Sounds like a lot of fun Lilac, speaking of which, you know it would be great if we could have a big FG event, where somehow (ain't gonna happen I know,) we could all get together and have loads of fun.

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:13 am

LilacDragon wrote:

Having said that, I rarely go into public chat rooms and I never im anyone that I don't "know".

That's me also. I belong to three forums. One I've been at for years and even there, I don't involve myself in too many PM's or the dynamics of the site. I've 'met' some good people there, one who I am in constant contact with via email and IM. I've never met her face to face and expect that I probably won't.

As for chat rooms, well, forget that. Tried that a couple of times and either was harrassed by some bonehead or the group was so intwined it was difficult as a newbie to become involved...they all had too much history together.

I take a lot of what I read with a grain of salt, but am often touched by posts of situations of loss, heartache and by those of great joy. I find it hard to believe someone would take the time to make that stuff up, but, what the heck...spreading good wishes and sharing joy never hurt anyone.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:34 am

I dont think people make storys up to hurt others delibreratly they just embellish the truth a little to make them look good or to give off a certain impression ie clumsy forgetful quirky its maybe just a way to endear themselfs to others. They just adapt to be liked - i think - i have never been in a chat room and to be honest it just is not my thing. I just think anyone can be taken in they think they have made a true friend when really the BSfriend is just using them untill the next one comes along. Sad but true.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:53 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: A comment somebody made recently got me thinking about this subject and i just wonded if any of you have a take on it - cyber friends do we really know the people we talk to daily. I am new to forums as you have proberbly already worked out so i find it weird making frienships online(i prefur one on one), but it is nice talking to people from different backgrounds and cultures.The one thing thats always in the back of my mind is- is the person im getting to know full of BS - im always suspicious of the ones who want to be your new best friend (while your popular) then the e-mails stop because they have found someone even more popular. I find my BS radar spots them easily they deluded themselfs into believing they are interllectuality superior when the truth is their knowledge just comes from google they try to hard to be liked make up stories to pull at your heartstrings but really its all just bull. Maybe its just me - i used to be a special constable so i can spot a liar at twenty paces. Has this happened to anybody else.sarahxx

The other trick, ask the same questions over a period of time and see if they answer them consistantly then you know your BS radar is working correctly. Me personally, I have made some awesome friends on the net, as well as been a victim of a cyber stalker as well have met a couple in real life, I suppose as with anything, you approach with caution and listen closely to your spidey senses. I would like to believe that most of us here on FG are pretty genuine folk, as we seem to have that level of maturity to be consistantly who we say we are. And generally when we are dealing with the phonies most of us can figure that out right away and those types don't seem to last long here. And besides I am Canadain we trust and believe everyone ahahahahaha or not

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:36 am

I prefer to take people at face value. I trust them until they prove themselves untrustworthy. I take the same approach in the 3D world. Do I get hurt sometimes? Sure, but I think I make many more friends than with the opposite approach. Some of my staunchest friendships are with people that trust virtually no one. Sometimes their fierce loyalty scares me, but they feel I earned it and they don't give it lightly, and so I accept it gratefully. I don't think I would have won it if I approached life the same way they do.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:18 am

I think alot like AC, I take them for what they say attitutde. I have found this forum full of loving and kind people, so I probably would take this perception of the net with me if I ever went to other sites.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:02 am

I've met some wonderful people over the internet. One I've never met, but I consider her to be a very dear friend & would love to meet her one day. However, I am extremely warey of the information I give. I chatted with one person on a chatroom for disabled people (my boyfriend is disabled). He seemed extremely sincere. I told him about my father who is also disabled. Unfortunately, I told too much information. Next thing you know, we're being called into court because someone was trying to take guardianship of my father! The person's first name was the same too. And after this all started happening, the person stopped chatting on the site. We're still tangled up in this mess. PLEASE always be careful what you tell people, as you really don't know them. Most people are very nice, but there's always that one.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:19 am

observer1 wrote: I've met some wonderful people over the internet. One I've never met, but I consider her to be a very dear friend & would love to meet her one day. However, I am extremely warey of the information I give. I chatted with one person on a chatroom for disabled people (my boyfriend is disabled). He seemed extremely sincere. I told him about my father who is also disabled. Unfortunately, I told too much information. Next thing you know, we're being called into court because someone was trying to take guardianship of my father! The person's first name was the same too. And after this all started happening, the person stopped chatting on the site. We're still tangled up in this mess. PLEASE always be careful what you tell people, as you really don't know them. Most people are very nice, but there's always that one.
That bites! Yes, I am careful about private personal information. I also warn anybody about making real-world commitments to cyber-friends, such as inviting them to move in with you.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:30 am

Accountable wrote: That bites! Yes, I am careful about private personal information. I also warn anybody about making real-world commitments to cyber-friends, such as inviting them to move in with you.
And haven't we here in FG heard stories about that. You know you have a good point there ACC if you get to sharing personal info, there are loosers out there who can use that against you, as well they can cause great grief to you. My cyber incident was so ugly, the guy managed to block me out of my own email, contact my friends and started to spread vicious dirt to my friends. He was just plain ugly. MSN admin was great they managed to get me into my email again because there was only one security question this idiot did not know the answer to and that saved my hiney. MSN also wanted me to go after the guy legally but at that time it just wasn't what I wanted. I only wanted him gone. I tell ya gang if a person is a hacker, they have loads of time to figure you out and drop you to your knees.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:32 am

What a horror story Minks, he could get in a do all that? I guess it means there are sickos on the net, as well as in real life...............

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:36 am

chonsigirl wrote: What a horror story Minks, he could get in a do all that? I guess it means there are sickos on the net, as well as in real life...............

CG he was a trusted friend of 3 years and if you ever opened a hotmail account, there are secret questions they ask, well one that I used was my brothers name and over the course of 3 years this so called friend found out my brothers name. The only question he did not know was my postal code, that is how MSN believed me that I had a problem. This dude went into our online chat group as me one day and took over my ID when I was away and lurked until my friends would sign on and they would come say hi thinking it was me and blamo, he would go to town spreading all kinds of ugly stuff about. You know I belonged to a past forum and he found me there one day to, I had to ask admin to have him banned, cause he started in there as well. Looking back I laugh now, cause I no longer am fearful, he was just plain pathetic.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:22 am

Far Rider wrote: Like everything in life one must be careful, but you cant always keep your guard up and you never know... if it were just me I'd plaster my name and face all over for whoever asked, but I have a wife and children to protect... so I'm extremely careful.

Face value till you get burned? I'm with floppy sometimes you gotta trust your instincts a bit.

For instance, I have several emails of folks here on this forum. But I dont take advantage of it or share them with others without permission...

Then there's also the reality that we're really only text based characters here... nothing more until you start to open up and develop more through other forms of communication...

Heck here, I'm just a funny cowboy, carrying six shooters, I drink too much in the pub and, and flirt up ever girl in the place.... is that my reality Heck no!

But most folks know that cause its all tongue in cheek.

ahahaha Farlie, you had us all fooled, we really did think you were that funny cowpoke, now you let us all down booo hoooo

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:45 am

Guys and Gals

Reading your posts has certainly got me thinking. This is my first membership of any 'Forum' (apart from a Buddhist group) and I have been very 'open' right from the start. I guess I am a bit naive and maybe should have held back a bit....I shall certainly think before I post in the future. I firmly believe that everyone here is genuine and apart from one person who I find obnoxious (not a regular I hasten to add) I have a great fondness for everyone here. I guess 'lurking' in the early days gives you a feel for what's going on.

This thread has been really interesting and informative, so thanks. :yh_cowboy

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:57 am

Bez wrote: Guys and Gals

Reading your posts has certainly got me thinking. This is my first membership of any 'Forum' (apart from a Buddhist group) and I have been very 'open' right from the start. I guess I am a bit naive and maybe should have held back a bit....I shall certainly think before I post in the future. I firmly believe that everyone here is genuine and apart from one person who I find obnoxious (not a regular I hasten to add) I have a great fondness for everyone here. I guess 'lurking' in the early days gives you a feel for what's going on.

This thread has been really interesting and informative, so thanks. :yh_cowboy

Don't let is scare you Bez, I just think caution is good and thought to share a scenario that really did happen. I have also made some fabo friends online as well, and I am generally pretty accepting. The singular incident didn't stop me from trusting, merely taught me how to look for fakes.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:21 pm

minks wrote: Don't let is scare you Bez, I just think caution is good and thought to share a scenario that really did happen. I have also made some fabo friends online as well, and I am generally pretty accepting. The singular incident didn't stop me from trusting, merely taught me how to look for fakes.

Same with me. If people start asking personal questions, ie, real last name, info on addresses, etc., be very cautious.

On the whole, most people can be trusted. Just use your first instinct. If a person seems to be "too nosey", don't answer so specifically.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:22 pm

observer1 wrote: Same with me. If people start asking personal questions, ie, real last name, info on addresses, etc., be very cautious.

On the whole, most people can be trusted. Just use your first instinct. If a person seems to be "too nosey", don't answer so specifically.
You got it. I think it is all about staying in your safety zone

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Dec 30, 2006 2:38 pm

I started this thread god knows how long ago and i still feel the same way

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 3:09 pm

I feel as close to some of you on here as i do my rl friends.....

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:13 pm

I'm the same too, according to online friends who have, over the years, become offline friends as well. I suppose, being yourself makes you more vulnerable in a way, but I'm not too good at putting on a pose and keeping it going, so what you see here is what you'll get if any of us do ever meet in the flesh. :sneaky:

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:18 pm

I'll pick you up at the airport! You'll recognize me....I'll be wearing a tiara and carrying one for you! :wah:

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:21 pm

I look forward to meeting you one of these days...with or without tiaras.. grin.!!!

(Practise your curtsy.. you've seen how it was done in The Queen.. :sneaky: )

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:30 pm

SnoozeControl;500607 wrote: This is a good thread to resurrect... you never really know someone that you've considered a friend online until things get ugly. Then the 'real' person comes out.

yup.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:46 pm

I know this guy who knows a girl who said this thing and then it was so obvious that bloke #2 had a thing for girl #1 and nobody believed me. But I'm telling you! Man.

I tell you everything.

:rolleyes:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:49 pm

koan;500876 wrote: I know this guy who knows a girl who said this thing and then it was so obvious that bloke #2 had a thing for girl #1 and nobody believed me. But I'm telling you! Man.

I tell you everything.

:rolleyes:

Then what happened ?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:56 pm

koan;500876 wrote: I know this guy who knows a girl who said this thing and then it was so obvious that bloke #2 had a thing for girl #1 and nobody believed me. But I'm telling you! Man.

I tell you everything.

:rolleyes:

tell the rest of the story; who is the bloke and who is the girl?......:p

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:58 pm

She'll let you know in pm, Gups. But don't tell anyone else, okay.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:59 pm

Well they did this thing that I can't tell you the details on but my sister told me that he was standing on top of the table when they did it! I know... you're thinking - get outta here. But it's the God's Honest Truth.

And when this other guy told me about it I refused to either verify or deny. But now you know. :yh_wink

And I just can't tell you the other thing. Even if you beg me.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:00 pm

AussiePam;500895 wrote: She'll let you know in pm, Gups. But don't tell anyone else, okay.

Sassy !

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:05 pm

ok you talked to me into it. Damn I hate it when there's so much pressure.

But so and so told me in an email that this girl emailed him and she totally told him EVERYTHING. I warned him about her years ago but noooooo. no one wanted to hear it. They all said "he wouldn't write this if he felt that" I was all... "this is the internet dude". Cyberworld. Uh, huh. And they knew what I meant because nobody really does that in like, real life, you know?

Except this one time when someone did. But that's another story.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:06 pm

koan;500899 wrote: Well they did this thing that I can't tell you the details on but my sister told me that he was standing on top of the table when they did it! I know... you're thinking - get outta here. But it's the God's Honest Truth.

And when this other guy told me about it I refused to either verify or deny. But now you know. :yh_wink

And I just can't tell you the other thing. Even if you beg me.

he was standing on a table....um,,,,,let me guess...changing a light bulb?:p

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:08 pm

guppy;500914 wrote: he was standing on a table....um,,,,,let me guess...changing a light bulb?:p

Well, that's how it started but you know how these things go.

Saffron · Post by **Saffron** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:11 pm

When I had my pc in my bedroom before, I had a webcam. So I'd chat with my friends in Egypt and it was cool. Because we could see each other. Any other kind of chatting I avoid, as I really don't know who they are. And it's a waste of time.

I always think that the people who are not computer literate are so unlucky. they do not even know what they are missing. :sneaky: