The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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jones jones
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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On a small island in the English Channel, a very wise man lives in a hole in a wall. He is a monk and his name is Manowl which is pronounced Manowl.

Manowl is sought out and consulted by those who yearn to find the true meaning of life or who seek the answer to a question for which they cannot find the answer.

He may be consulted at any time during the year except during the Easter egg hunt on Lihou Island which is pronounced /’li:u;/ and not Lihue which is pronounced li:’hu?e and which is the second largest town on the Hawaiian Island Kaua’i, as this is when Manowl leaves the hole in the wall to stock up on hot dogs, cakes and tea.

Now Flat Nose Adonis wanted to find out the true meaning of the parable about Fat Boy and Little Man, so he set out in search of Manowl in much the same way that Vasco Da Gama did when he went out in search of the sea route to India, except Flat Nose Adonis didn’t travel by sailing ship and he didn’t set out from Portugal. Flat Nose used a dinghy and he set out from Guernsey.

Flat Nose soon found a small island in the English Channel and just knew this was the place he would find Manowl. The reason he knew he would find the monk Manowl on this particular island was because there wasn’t a long queue winding all the way down to the causeway. Very few people knew of or knew the whereabouts of Manowl, so Flat Nose knew that no queue meant he was at the correct location. He parked his dinghy and walked up the hill just like Jack had done.

A portly man with long ginger hair and wearing a black padded bra and a kilt and carrying a large, rather heavy looking sack stood gazing at a hole in the wall..

“Morning.” Flat Nose said politely.

“Ar.”

“What’s in your sack?”

“Why’s your nose flat?”

“I asked first.” Flat Nose pointed our quite correctly.

“Ar. One hundred stork heads.” Bra & Kilt replied. “Manowl likes to eat the brains out their heads.”

“Really? How do you know that?”



“Your turn to answer me first.”

“What was the question again?” asked Flat Nose.

“You nose.” B&K answered and touched his bulbous red snork with his forefinger, “why’s it flat?”

“It’s because of my name.” Flat Nose replied. “I’m Flat Nose Adonis.”

“Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“You have to bring a tribute or he won’t give you the answer.” B&K said. “You look empty handed to me, ‘cept for yonoar you have under your left arm.”

“Yonoar.” Flat Nose said then gave a giggle. “Oh this … no this isn’t a yonoar your honour.”

“What tis then?” B&K asked.

“It’s for knocking mangoes of trees.”

“Tis a mangoar then?”

“Yes a mangoar for Manowl. By the way, what’s your name? I can’t keep calling you B&K.”

“Shamus Caruthers Ulrich McFinn,” B&K replied, “but most folk just call me Scum for short.”

“When does he come out the hole?” Flat Nose asked.

“Never.” Scum answered, shifting his sack from one shoulder to the next. “He’s just a voice see.”

“Why don’t you put the sack down?” Flat Nose asked. “One hundred stork heads must be quite heavy.”

“Can’t see. Stork heads spoil quickly when they touch this damp ground.”

"Oh ... okay."

TBC.
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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Lady J
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

Post by Lady J »

I luv it!!!

Very creative and the dialogue is wonder - entertaining!

where do You ever come up with these ideas?

Did you create the word yonoar? let me guess...Your Own Necessary OAR? :wah:

Keep writing Baby!
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jones jones
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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Yeah you know it Lu ...
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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“So when does the voice like speak?” Flat Nose asked. “I mean I can’t wait all summer for him to say something out that hole in the wall. I have stuff to do you know.”

“Ar. What about me?” Scum countered. “I come here all the way from Kirkcudbrightshire. Where you from then?”

“I’m a teacher at a school for buglers run by Miss Physick and Mrs. Pigg in Majokkas.”

“Where?”

“Majokkas. It’s near Snowdonia in Wales.”

“Ar We could like smoke him out with an onion on a stick” Scum suggested.

“What kind of stick?” Flat Nose asked.

“One cut from a wild Loquat tree works the best … Ar.”

“I don’t have an onion though … do you?”

“No, nor a wild Loquat stick either.” Scum admitted. “But I did pass a Hissing tree on my way up here this morning.”



TBC
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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jones jones
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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"Right you may enter now." an authoritative voice said.

"Who said that?" Scum asked, his swivelling from side to side like an owl looking for a field mouse.

"Came from the hole in the wall I think." Flat Nose said.

"Enter now or forever hold your peace," the voice intoned, "and be quick about it."

"Ar. Think it will be safe to like poke me head through?" Scum asked in a whisper.

"Won't be like sliced off? Ar."

"I'll go in first if you like." Flat Nose offered politely.

"Ar ... I was like in front so I'm going in first."

So saying scum tossed his sack though the hole in the wall and then clamoured in after it. Flat Nose followed close behind him.

A bizarre sight met their eyes on the other side of the wall. Standing to attention in the doorway of the smallest cottage either of then had ever seen, was a vertically challenged old man dressed in a British naval uniform. A white cap with a black peak and a brass anchor badge perched on his rather large head. He wore a short sleeve shirt (after all it was summer), a pair of long shorts that reached to below his knobbly knees, long white shorts that met the shorts and a pair of white ducks on his feet.

He was incredibly old and equally incredibly ugly, his pale wrinkled face had on a large, purple, bulbous nose and he wore apricot lip glass on his fleshy lips. In his right hand he held a tin of baked beans and in his not right hand a silver berry spoon. He pointed the spoon at Scum.

“You in the pink padded bra … name, rank and number.”

“Ar … Seamus Caruthers Ulrich McFinn.”
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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“Commander Sir.” The naval officer said.

“Ar no. Not Commander Sir …Seamus Caruthers Ulrich McFinn.”

“You address me as Commander Sir you swab. You rank is sergeant and your number is spades.”

“Begging your pardon Commander Sir,” Flat Nose put in, “but spades isn’t a number.”

“You shut ya gob Spud Nose.” Commander Sir snarled.

“That’s Flat not Spud Commander Sir.”

In a fit of rage Commander Sir hurled the baked bean tin at Flat Nose, hitting him on the left shinbone.

“Din I just say you should shut ya lips. Now gimme your name, rank and number.”

“Flat Nose Adonis Commander Sir.”

“And …” Commander Sir made circular motions in the air with the fork.

“That’s it.” Flat Nose shrugged.

“Then you are First Mate and your number is scoff.” Flat Nose opened his mouth to speak. “Shut it Knob Nose.”

Scum tentatively raised his hand. “Commander Sir, may I say something?”

“No you may not Sergeant McFinn. What’s inna sack? It smells like stork heads that are going off.”

“Ar that it is Commander Sir. Its tribute like and took me nigh on a year to cut off all them heads.”

“Well Sergeant Caruthers that’s really tough titty for you cos the currency has changed for this year.”

“Ar. You mean …?

“I mean you only get one bite at the apricot Seamus laddie. Now take you bag of fish heads and be off.”

“Ar. What’s the currency this year Commander Sir?”

“Never you mind. Leave now or I’ll set my dog on you.”

“Bad luck scum.” Flat Nose said.

“Skewsie moi,” Commander Sir snapped, “but did I mention, say, intimate or utter that you might unzipper your lipper?”

"No Commander Sir."

"Then wait till I ask you to speak." He stared after scum who had climbed back through the hole and was walking down the hill. "Never could abide pink on a red head."

TBC
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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jones jones
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The Continuing Saga of Flat Nose Adonis The Parable of Fat Boy Little Man

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“So First Mate Adonis where is your tribute then?”

“Well all I have this mangoar Commander Sir.” Flat Nose answered holding it up.

Commander Sir snatched it from him rather rudely. “Always wanted a mangoar … lucky for you. So ask your question then and be quick.”

“I want to know the meaning of the parable of Fat Boy and the Little Man Commander Sir.”

“Never heard of it … sorry.”

“Are you sure you’re Manowl?” Flat Nose asked. “I was told Manowl had the answer to every question that might ever be asked of him.”

“Who told you about this parable then?” Commander Sir asked, ignoring the question.

“Nobody. I saw it in a dream and it was written in ketchup on the side of a large piece of cheese that was hanging over me.”

“What kind of cheese?”

“Cheddar I think.”

“Have you looked in that book?” Commander Sir asked.

“Which one?”

“The one written by R.C. Church of course. It’s loaded with stuff like parables.”

“Can I have my mangoar back please?” Flat Nose asked. “I mean you can’t expect tribute if you don’t have the answer to my question.”

“No I think I’d better keep it but in exchange I’ll tell you where you might be able to find the answer you seek.”

“Where?”

“Travel to North York Moors and find a hole in the ground. Then whisper your question into the hole and you will hear the answer.”

“How will I find the right hole?” Flat Nose asked.

“What kind of stupid question is that?” Commander Sir asked, turning his back on Flat Nose. “If you get an answer you’ll know it’s the right hole.”

With that he went into his cottage and closed the door.

And so flat Nose Adonis minus his mangoar walked back down the hill to his dinghy and cast off. He set sail for the mainland still not knowing what the parable of Fat Boy and Little Man meant, but hoping that he would somehow find the answer on the North York Moors.



TBC
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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