do you have a living will?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:13 pm

i think this could be quite an informative discussion...do you have a living will? a will at all? DNR orders? understanding in families? your possessions, your money, your organs, your last wishes? funeral plans or wishes? do you think your loved ones won't fight? HA! my Dad left meticulous detailed instructions which i followed to the T. but most of us don't. do any people here have plans in place? if so, you're smart! it will save grief all around.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:15 pm

I have a living will, made one for my husband since I have the power of attorney, but do not have my will yet-I have to figure out what to do for guardianship of my husband if I go first.

It would have helped me greatly if he would have had a living will, so I didn't have to make all the decisions when he became ill, that was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, and wonder every day if I should have done some things or not.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:17 pm

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:18 pm

this has been very interesting

thank you

CountryDweller · Post by **CountryDweller** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:22 pm

Yes, I do. Will save alot of grief down the road for the one left behind to deal with things.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:26 pm

I did all that the week after I was diagnosed with cancer. LC is right - it is such a good idea to leave explicit instructions for the family. I'm happy I didn't have to use it then :driving:

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:20 pm

lady cop wrote: i think this could be quite an informative discussion...do you have a living will? a will at all? DNR orders? understanding in families? your possessions, your money, your organs, your last wishes? funeral plans or wishes? do you think your loved ones won't fight? HA! my Dad left meticulous detailed instructions which i followed to the T. but most of us don't. do any people here have plans in place? if so, you're smart! it will save grief all around.

I must confess that I don't. Since my two heart attacks last year, this has been on my mind, but I have not been able to come to a solution.

My true next of kin is my oldest sister who vanished in 1994. I was one of two in the family who received notification by postcard a day after the disappearance and I guess she went to live with her daughter in Spain.

The next in line never communicates and even requires an appointment to visit. She lives in Devon. The third lives just the other side of town and unless I visit her and her hubby, I never see them. But she has enough problems as her hubby has a heart problem also.

That leaves my nephews and nieces, but hell, who wants to lay such a burden upon them.

To make matters worse, I rent my flat and no one knows who I rent from so no one could get in even if they cared. Plus, a lot of my details are on a password protected computer.

Nope, I suspect I would fester for several days before anyone realised, and then it would be my neighbour next door cos she tends to look out for me when she and her hubby aren't across the world or visiting family.

There just doesn't seem any point to working out a will until I can determine who's gonna take care of the crap.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:30 pm

Dang Open your post made me sad. How lonely it must be for you to think you would not be missed for days if you died. FG would care. :-4

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:43 pm

Thanks NV. More reason to keep a daily post going (not that I need a reason). Just love the flowers, they talk to me.:-6

Dizz · Post by **Dizz** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:55 pm

My doctor made me fill out a living will form when I started to see him. I think that is a good thing. I haven't made a will yet, but I want to. The main thing stopping me is

1. Deciding who would take on the kids.

2. Finding out how to get it done cheap.

3. Fear of talking to my family and telling them who would take the kids.

#2 is the main thing, I think.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:42 pm

One good thing about my family, and this was so when our parents left this plane. No one wants what the other has got. Our parents never had to leave a written will because of this. I do not need to worry about a scurrilous ransacking of my chattels.

I don't need to worry about a will, it's just various instructions that i want to have executed, like ensuring that there's a wake rather than a funeral.

There is enough to pay for the morbid stuff, but I don't want anything wasted on my corpse. Once I've crossed over, I shan't appreciate wreaths and such forth, just so long as those who care quickly get over their grief.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:47 pm

Dizz wrote: My doctor made me fill out a living will form when I started to see him. I think that is a good thing. I haven't made a will yet, but I want to. The main thing stopping me is

1. Deciding who would take on the kids.

2. Finding out how to get it done cheap.

3. Fear of talking to my family and telling them who would take the kids.

#2 is the main thing, I think.

I appreciate the impact of #3. It doesn't come easy. I have found though that if it's brought up as an aside in casual conversation, it helps towards expressing your wishes. It is not surprising that those who care want to know but haven't got the wherewithall to ask directly. It works both ways.

venus · Post by **venus** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:58 am

Well you just make sure you keep posting bear..

If you dont we shall all get worried!!;)

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 6:10 am

OpenMind wrote: One good thing about my family, and this was so when our parents left this plane. No one wants what the other has got. Our parents never had to leave a written will because of this. I do not need to worry about a scurrilous ransacking of my chattels.

I don't need to worry about a will, it's just various instructions that i want to have executed, like ensuring that there's a wake rather than a funeral.

There is enough to pay for the morbid stuff, but I don't want anything wasted on my corpse. Once I've crossed over, I shan't appreciate wreaths and such forth, just so long as those who care quickly get over their grief.

May I offer a suggestion ? Reach out to your family. Thats all.

Peace & Love

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:03 am

I haven't made a will yet, but need to. I have to make sure measures are taken to ensure my son continues to receive the help he needs.

My ex buries his head in the sand and thinks he will grow out of his disabilities.:-5

My Dad died eleven years ago this month, we never discussed death as a family and none of us knew what his wishes were, it made a difficult time much harder. I'm sure it would have been easier if we'd had a 'plan' to follow.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:16 am

I have made a will and have left a note with it regarding the sharing of little bits of jewellery and family treasures...more sentimental than valuable. I have stated that I want to be cremated and what I want done with my ashes. I keep feeding little bits of family treasures to my kids as they are now settled and have given small bits of jewellery to my grandaughters.These are odd bits and bobs that I know have a long family history...i am trying to de-clutter my life. I wouldn't want them to deal with the stuff we had to sort out with my Mum in law..... took us months.

My daughter knows where to find Insurance policies and my will....I guess I'll tell my sons as well..

Can someone describe what a 'living will' is. I have heard of it before but I'm unsure of the detail.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:30 am

A living will tells your family and doctors your wishes should you become gravely ill and are unable to communicate your wishes. Do you want drastic measures to save your life. How far do you want to go on life support. When would you want them to take you off life support. You get the idea.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:45 am

nvalleyvee wrote: A living will tells your family and doctors your wishes should you become gravely ill and are unable to communicate your wishes. Do you want drastic measures to save your life. How far do you want to go on life support. When would you want them to take you off life support. You get the idea.

Thanks...I think I need to think about writing down my wishes then....'just in case'

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 9:41 am

Good topic, LC. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I made out a will. I checked it out and updated it when I started riding. My family knows what I want done, and I've made it very clear, after my granny's funeral, that if there was ANY bickering, ANY grumbling of any sort, I would come back and haunt the family, and not in a pleasant way.

When my granny died, the day of her service, my aunt, (granny's daughter) came to me and said, "What do you want of hers?" It was all I could do not to haul off and belt her in the mouth. I looked at her and said "We haven't even been to the church yet and you're asking me what I want? What I want is for you to get the hell away from me." I was sooooo p!ssed at her. Possessions. Who freakin' cares about possessions? I will never be able to understand how when a loved one dies, the family gripes about who gets what.

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:41 pm

I do have one..I also have a will.......Everything to the last piece of jewerly to my wedding dress are written about and sealed.One to the attorney, one to my brother, and one to my best friend..My X hubby even had to sign the right for my family to get visitation of my children every month to my hubby and my family...Its all set --but with one blow from my spouse everything could change.....a living will can be thrown out like a bad -bad habit..I never knew this until my doc told me. My mother and husband have agreed to NOT disagree - but we will see..I just hope I live longer then my mom...thats my goal. Stem cell or no stem cell - I MUST outlive my mom.....She had lost my brother and also my father.....she has to go before me...:-1

Also - it is VERY important to have your living will at the local hospital and a copy with your doctor's office.....or they can put you on a respirator and then your family has to decided to take you off..and there ya have it?-----why did you have one?....Just some advice..

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:28 am

Hell yeah I have a living will.. complete with DNR statement. The absolute last thiing I want to have happen is become a financial burden on my family or even worse... end up in one of those nursing homes.. nope.. no freaking way..

Mine is even specific to the point that any legal interference is barred. No courts.. no do gooders trying to say that they now what I want.. there is no way that I would want to be the center of attention like Terry Schaivo was.. nope..

Got the will too.. that was easy..

colony · Post by **colony** » Wed Oct 12, 2005 4:11 pm

nope. i'm not planning on living long enough to get old and once i'm dead my family can put me out for the binmen. i'll not care cause i'll be dead. it kinda prevents careing like that.