Senior Grooming

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sun May 26, 2013 10:51 am

When I was a young man and looked at some old men with a forest of hair protruding from their nostrils, vines of tangled hair in their ears and eyebrows that had to make their vision difficult, I thought to myself, that will never be me.

Well----here I am So help me, I wake up in the morning and I have two or three inches of hair that has grown overnight in my ears and nostrils and I have to blink to see through the covering of eyebrows. I really have to work at it, scissors, clippers, pruning shears are all required to keep on top of it.

On top of this, there is the problem of FLORESCENT LIGHTING which I think they should do away with.

When I was shaving this morning and viewed my face and body on the expansive glass mirror in the bath, I beheld this grotesque blue veined creature staring at me. Every wart, pimple, bruise, rash, abrasion, moles and scars were visually enhanced by this damn fluorescent lighting. I thought there must be some mistake, this is not me. I have seen better bodies and faces in the morgue. I went to the guest bathroom and looked in the mirror and though the mirror was not as large, the lighting was standard bulbs and not fluorescent. What a relief I knew there was some mistake. Now the creature in the mirror looked almost human. Tomorrow I am going to make it a point to get the lighting changed in the master bathroom as I can no longer confront this creature in the mirror posing as me.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 26, 2013 11:03 am

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun May 26, 2013 11:57 am

Never shave with your specs on, you know where your face is so blurry doesn't really matter, I know I;m gorgeous anyway. Why do people look in the mirror when combing their hair? I know where my head is why don;t they? What threat does your body think it is about to face we face that the hairs on your ears grow large? No one gas ever been able to answer that one for me.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sun May 26, 2013 12:52 pm

:wah:

Attached files

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun May 26, 2013 4:09 pm

Phew... thought you'd been groomed by a Muslim gang rape grooming operation for a minute.

As a woman, I have to say that men who do not groom repulse me. Sorry If I have offended anyone but I am being honest.

If I am forced Into conversation with any man who does not groom, rather than be able to concentrate on what he Is saying, I am quelling rising nuasea at the hair coming out of his ears and nostrils. I am left always wondering what grime lurks In his pubic hair and armpits.

I have never liked beards either since my old geography master had soup stains In his and It stunk as he leaned over us.

I also do not want to kiss any man who thinks It's trendy to have one of those goatie things hanging off his chin like some pubescent teenage girls woo woo.

Any man who doesn't groom needs to be rounded up and shot. Figuratively speaking of course.

Oh and those aging aunts who pluck the hairs from their top lip until kissing you Is like rubbing your face on an angle grinder.

Wandrin · Post by **Wandrin** » Sun May 26, 2013 7:25 pm

Thanks for the hint. I think I will install dimmer light bulbs in the bathroom.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 26, 2013 7:33 pm

You guys are very lucky. I began noticing all this stuff in my fifties and i didn't need florescent lighting either.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Mon May 27, 2013 12:40 am

Grey hair is a sign of maturity in a man but old age in a woman. Don;t know why just saying.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** » Mon May 27, 2013 3:01 am

I think I shave less than Oscar does

Bruv · Post by **Bruv** » Mon May 27, 2013 5:38 am

I have never really worried about grooming.

I detest barber shops, the last time I was in one was decades ago. I wanted my hair cut NOW, there was an old man in the chair with less hair on his head than on the back of my hand, but the barber was primping and preening it, snipping and yakking and talking about nothing.

I actually walked out and only went back to a barber for my second wedding some years ago, and then I nearly fell over at the Price. You exit the shop with less than you went in, and never exactly what you want, and they charge you for the pleasure.

My hair is now shoulder length, and I sport a bandito/Village People type moustache that I trim to stop myself eating it, along with my sideburns that tuft out covering my ears.I did have a full beard for a time, left the tache as an experiment, just to see the reaction and now, am afraid to cut it off, because ex-moustacioed people appear to have huge top lips(perhaps I am more vain than I imagined)

I sometimes get it all cut short,(by anyone bold enough to try) but then I have to trim the hair from inside and the outside of my ears, plus the eyebrows that tend to sprout every which way, along with nasal hair that doesn't know where to stop.

I never look too long in a mirror, only for shaving. I brush my hair after wetting it then shake and go.

My children have all tried buying me smellies and stuff, but they have all given up now.

I am totally beyond help.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed May 29, 2013 2:42 pm

gmc;1428176 wrote: Grey hair is a sign of maturity in a man but old age in a woman. Don;t know why just saying.

It's silver, not grey, gmc.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri May 31, 2013 7:15 am

My Father late In life had the Bobby Charlton comb over. So he grew one side down to his shoulders and then combed It over.

As kids we used to tie ribbons Into It or plait It when he was asleep. One of my eternal memories Is him waking up suddenly and rushing to answer the front door with pink ribbons In his hair.

TÃ½r · Post by **TÃ½r** » Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:58 am

Bruv;1428185 wrote: My hair is now shoulder length, and I sport a bandito/Village People type moustache that I trim to stop myself eating itNever, until this moment, had it crossed my mind that one could avoid chewing face-hair when having a meal... or dripping at the bar, for that matter. Trimming, eh? I have scissors in the kitchen somewhere. There must be a mirror under the stairs though I may have to wash dust off to get a reflection.

I'll report back.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:26 am

TÃ½r;1428589 wrote: Never, until this moment, had it crossed my mind that one could avoid chewing face-hair when having a meal... or dripping at the bar, for that matter. Trimming, eh? I have scissors in the kitchen somewhere. There must be a mirror under the stairs though I may have to wash dust off to get a reflection.

I'll report back. You've been slathering yourself In Lemon Body Butter again haven't you ?

TÃ½r · Post by **TÃ½r** » Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:34 am

oscar;1428592 wrote: You've been slathering yourself In Lemon Body Butter again haven't you ?

Well... with help, admittedly.

Bruv · Post by **Bruv** » Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:39 am

TÃ½r;1428594 wrote: Well... with help, admittedly.
I am sure your helper has a decent pair of scissors and five minutes to cut down on the hairballs manufacture.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:31 am

TÃ½r;1428589 wrote: Never, until this moment, had it crossed my mind that one could avoid chewing face-hair when having a meal... or dripping at the bar, for that matter. Trimming, eh? I have scissors in the kitchen somewhere. There must be a mirror under the stairs though I may have to wash dust off to get a reflection.

I'll report back.

Be sure to look for nail clippers while you're at it.

TÃ½r · Post by **TÃ½r** » Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:24 pm

YZGI;1428734 wrote: Be sure to look for nail clippers while you're at it.

Poof.

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Mon Jun 03, 2013 1:35 pm

Well they certainly have pretty cool gadgets these days for all that weird hair grooming. I have one that trims my nose hair and lobotomizes me at the same time. Like most Swedish men, I have eyebrows that get so bushy I could probably take off in a high wind like the Flying Nun. I used to trim them more but the kids say it makes me look like a great owl....I can live with that.