A question for teachers- and parents...

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:07 pm

As you all know..I have 4 children. They are all very different and I want to say all very good children. I have an 11 year old that has always been an excellent student, never getting below a B+ And not getting an A is rare. She has never struggled like my other daughter and things just come easy to her. She actually helps her older sister with math and science. Here is the story:

I just had gotten home from work, and she runs into the house..Mom I have to talk to you right away..I was like- OK..she pulls out a paper and says.."WE" need to take care of this or I am going to get a D on my report card..I took the paper and it was a Daily Math Quiz. It had 25 questions on it- anything from long division, to rounding, to percentage. Anyway on the side in Green maker was a note to me...thats says...

"Bailey was caught looking at another students paper throughout the quiz. At one point she asked another student for answers. She will receive a zero. This is VERY disappointing to me. She was given an opportunity to tell the truth, but instead denied it. She told another student to keep quiet about it."

I, of course say- I can not believe this...what were you thinking? She says MOM - I didn't do it.I swear..you have to fix this. I said "Bailey she has proof, another student said you told them to keep quiet". Inside I was thinking..OH MY GAWD...Bailey never has to try for anything- why would she cheat..Instantly the tears started to roll and she said -MOM you have to believe me..please..I would never cheat. In my heart- I want to believe her, but I don't want to show any disrespect to her teacher..I have worked at this district and I know about this teacher, she has her favorites but seems like a fair person. So here is my question, she has been crying since she got home from school and says I do not believe her. I called her dad & step - dad and they both feel we need to conference with the teacher....As a teacher or a parent- I want your opinions! Please........I want to believe her....Oh here is the other thing..It had a lot of long division and she had to show her work...how could she have cheat on long division when she had to show her work??????? Also- I don't have to sign it or anything - so she could have easily thrown the paper away and I would have never known..

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:15 pm

Ask for a conference Mom, it is the best solution. Have everyone present, including your daughter. Then you can discuss the situation, and receive helpful advice on future homework assignments, to make sure your daughter has her work turned in properly to the teacher, and an issue will not happen again.

venus · Post by **venus** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:15 pm

Hey Mom it sounds like a sticky one, but on occasion teachers do get it wrong. You know your childs capabilities better than the teacher and coming from the work back ground you have its not like you don't get it.

Get together and have the confrence, get the teacher to give her a make up test alone.. then she can't be accused of cheating.

I had a similar situation, my sons grading in science leapt from one test to another, the teacher publicly accused him of cheating. My son was very huet and to make it worse l believed the teacher.

Well my son was given a make up test and same thing excellent results and so on since, nowe they are offering him extra lessons because he is working at an advanced level.. WOW did l feel lousy for not listening to him..

Hope that helps some and that you get it sorted..

Gabs · Post by **Gabs** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:57 pm

Sometimes you have to go with your Gut Feeling... Belive your child, but schedule the conference, with the teacher... have your daughter present... Go from there.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 4:40 pm

venus wrote: Hey Mom it sounds like a sticky one, but on occasion teachers do get it wrong. You know your childs capabilities better than the teacher and coming from the work back ground you have its not like you don't get it.

Get together and have the confrence, get the teacher to give her a make up test alone.. then she can't be accused of cheating.

Hi Mom,

I agree with whats been said BUT I would first sit down with your daughter and say "Sweetheart, I DO believe you! but I need to hear YOUR side of the story before I can discuss it with the teacher".

I think if you sit down with the teacher without listening to her side first, she'll automatically assume you're on the teacher's side! Then she won't give you any answers because she'll feel you don't care enough to believe her! You have to show her that your trust and faith are in her. If you desert her now in her hour of need then you'll break the bond of trust between you and you may never get it back!

You know your daughter. Has she ever lied to you before? Has she ever bent the truth? Or is she normally as honest as the day is long?

Teachers come and teachers go, but this is your child and she needs you right now. She needs your love, she needs your trust, she needs you to believe in her.

Now look at the different scenario's. Perhaps the girl whose paper she was 'looking at' is actually a friend of hers who was scared of failing the test. Maybe she asked your daughter beforehand to help her with the answers because she would be in trouble (either at home or at school) if she failed. Maybe she was panicking and kept asking "What's the answer? What's the answer?" to your daughter. The teacher could have seen your daughter lean over to whisper the answer and not seen the other girl whisper the question. Your daughter could have refused to answer any questions to protect the student. What if the other girl said "If I fail my step-dad will beat me" ? She would be panicking and not thinking straight. Your daughter would refuse to drop her in it and the other girl would deny any help because she was scared of being punished. If this were the case you must explain to your daughter that no young girl should be so scared of poor results that they panic or will be punished and this other girl needs help to protect her from her 'punisher'!

Another scenario could be one or several girls ganging up on your daughter. Kids - particularly girls, I've found - can be vicious little bitches! Unfortunately, what they see as funny can actually have dangerous consequences for whomever they play a 'trick' on! Maybe she or they are jealous of your daughter's consistently high marks. Perhaps its just a 'joke' to them to upset your daughter. Have you seen 'Freaky Friday'? One girl passes a note to an ex-friend, the ex-friend (Lindsay Lohan) leans over to read it and he first girl immediately puts her hand up and says "Miss, she's cheating"! LL was caught out and punished even though not guilty. Your daughter's friend could have easily copied this.

Kids don't like to 'dob' on each other. In kid culture its not done. They want you to find out the truth...but they want you to find out without their help. Sit down with Bailey and say "Well, what can WE do about this?"

It might be that Bailey DID cheat. Maybe she was feeling sick or headachey and couldn't concentrate. Maybe she had a cold coming on or her period was due (although she's probably too young, but still, its not impossible!) Whatever the reason, I still think you have to believe in her ad trust her. Maybe the truth will come out in 6 months time and there will be a perfectly reasonable explanation but she's just too embarassed to tell you right now.

For now I would say, believe your daughter not the teacher, whatever the truth of the matter. It wont hurt the teacher if you prefer to believe your daughter, it will break your daughters heart if you prefer to believe the teacher. Particularly if your daughter has never done anything to earn your distrust.

PLEASE tell her you believe her and ask her to talk to you about it. Assure her you won't break any promises of silence she has made to anybody else but explain that sometimes there are things which you as an adult can understand which she as a child cannot.

Finally, I would also ask that your daughter resit the test (or a similar test) in a room by herself...and also that the girl whom she was alledgedly 'copying' also resit the new test. Then see how their new scores compare to their ordinary classwork and their test results. If the other girl has poor class results and poor second test results but good first test results, then you know your daughter was giving her the answers - you just have to discover the reason why. If Bailey's test results are poor both times, then you know she has a problem to resolve.

There is obviously smething going on and someone she is covering for...and only by being there for her will you discover the answers. I really hope this helps and I hope things work out for you and you find all the answers you are looking for.

Good Luck!

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:09 pm

Well- She says she is ready to go into the school on Monday morning and look her in the eye and say -I DID NOT CHEAT and I WANT TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN to prove it!....She told her dad tonight that she wants to save her grades and that she needs us to believe her. I was very proud of her...At first she said she would just take the grade so the teacher wouldn't be upset with her all year...I said- "I think your teacher will think more of you if you can tell the truth and stick up for yourself"...So we will call on Monday morning and go in..I really can tell when my kids can lie (OK am I dreaming??HA HA) but I am serious, as a mom you can look at them and know something is not right...I think she is telling the truth..I will tell you though- a friend of mine informed me that I should NEVER show any distrust in a teachers actions or, my child's education will be the hands of a pissed off person...and unfortunately she is a teacher....but I have to do this...I have to believe her..Thanks for all your input!! I really appreciate it!

Dizz · Post by **Dizz** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:43 pm

I think that your daughter is probably right. I have a son a lot like that. "Every teacher's dream." I do wonder though, that whether she was cheating or not, if she was talking during the test. Sometimes kids forget themselves and talk at the wrong times, maybe the other kid was trying to ask a question and she answered out loud... even if the answer was to "be quiet." I have a feeling this is the situation. She should know by this age that you NEVER talk during a test, and this maybe a natural consequence of that.

Maybe you can investigate from this perspective. If this is how it happened, then the teacher would be in the right for busting her, and your daughter's integrety would be intact.

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:50 pm

Good luck Mom! You are doing the right thing. You are a good mother and it will show when you go to talk to teacher. As a veteran of the classroom I can tell you, it will speak volumes to Bailey's teacher that you took the time to come and talk it out. He/she will know that the daughter you are raising is not intended to be a cheater. But it does already sound as if Bailey doesn't have to prove herself--already has a good track record! Just remember though, when talking to the teacher....ask the teacher if she physically SAW Bailey cheating w/ her own eyes. Absolutely insist on knowing this fact...because if the teacher can't say she SAW IT herself....well then this entire drama needs to be dropped and Bailey needs to be left alone. If the teacher DID see it all herself, then there is not much to dispute other than maybe some good explaining on what was going on. For example, Bailey could explain she wasn't cheating when it may have looked like it. She should get a chance to explain. Let us know how it goes and good luck on Monday!!

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:53 am

The OZ goverment are talking about putting cameras in class room, I think it will be good as sometimes my kids tell me that a teacher blamed them for something some one else did and they get into trouble. I'll be able to ask for a replay if it's taped.

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:17 pm

That would be awesome! I wouldn't have cared when I was teaching either...

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:26 pm

They don't let you do that in the states, although security cameras can be placed at some high schools.

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:33 pm

Well I really hope that they do it, a lot of teachers are against it though, as they can also be used to monitor their teaching, which I think will be a good thing as my eldest tells me that his Math teacher gets mixed up all the time with his calculations, it would be good to be able to see what was going on.