Facebook Ramblings

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:18 am

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a boddle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a boc a choclez. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr peace.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:11 pm

saw this this morning............"It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man...16th Century Quaker Woman"

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Sep 06, 2011 3:38 pm

Me, behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan who was almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery-solving hippies that always had the munchies. The fault is not mine!

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Wed Sep 07, 2011 4:54 pm

Could somone explain this to me please?

"Browse faithful and devoted single dads in your area seeking a second chance at love at .............."

but the pics for this ad are all american policeman and soldiers. WT?

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:25 pm

As requested, the thread has been reinstated as was.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:42 pm

Bryn Mawr;1370264 wrote: As requested, the thread has been reinstated as was.

Thank You Very much Bryn.... At last... You're a Gent.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:43 pm

oscar;1370266 wrote: Thank You Very much Bryn.... At last... You're a Gent.

You mean I've not been previously - and you've been waiting all this time? I'm devastated

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:44 pm

Bryn Mawr;1370267 wrote: You mean I've not been previously - and you've been waiting all this time? I'm devastated

:wah: No... always the Gent.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:08 pm

Bryn Mawr;1370264 wrote: As requested, the thread has been reinstated as was.

thank you. This little exercise has just allowed me to cull untrustworthy people off my facebook friends list . Funny you know would never even think of doing something like this to them . Oh well. pity because in the end I was very happy to join in on the game of exposure of ones 'off forum' activities.

I was thinking of a claytons commercial ......"now we can all get some sleep" ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahhahaaaaa I know people won't understand that sentence but it seems to be the point I'm making here.

Again thank you Bryn

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 7:35 pm

I have a stalker named Bill, You know who you are! I absolutely hate YOU! He keeps hanging around my house despite my best efforts to be rid of him. I think he likes me! And when I finally get rid of him, he keeps coming back. I think he loves me! He comes in many forms... telephone bill, water bill, electric bill, gas bill, garbage bill, insurance bill, cable bill, Dr. bill... If you drive by my house and see him feel free to shoot his ass on site! Re-post if Bill haunts you too...lol

Delorean · Post by **Delorean** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:36 pm

FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP:

1. It's important to have a man who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.

2. It's important to have a man who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a man you can trust & who would never lie.

4. It's important to have a man who is good in bed & likes being with you.

5. It's absolutely f@#$%&* vital that these four men don't know each other!

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:55 pm

Huh I'm putting that on my page.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:28 am

'A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.

"What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion"'

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:51 pm

SING WITH ME GIRLS!!! At first i was afraid , i was petrified! when u said u had 10 inches, lord i almost died!but id spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long, that i grew strong and knew that i could take u on... But there u are ,another lie, I was ready for a Big mac and u brought me a french fry! I should have known that it was bullshit , a sad pathetic dream! should have known there was no anaconda lurking in ur jeans! Go on now - go - walk out the door dont u promise me 10 inches and then turn up with 4 .. weren't u a prat to think i wouldnt find out? Dont u no were only joking when we say size dont count? I will survive as long as i have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex i will survive i will survive HEY HEY !!!

Like · · about a minute ago ·

Oh yuk !!!

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 3:29 pm

Ha ha ha ha hah that's bloody funny!!!!

"After the earths population is desimated by asteroids the survivors re-organise into an anarchist society. They learn to grow their own crops, have a new industrial revolution and eventually re-event technology...after years of peace and prosperity an archeologist discovers a dangerous artifact from the the earths' past................... A book............The Beginners Guide To Politics

"

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:35 pm

oscar;1370372 wrote: SING WITH ME GIRLS!!! At first i was afraid , i was petrified! when u said u had 10 inches, lord i almost died!but id spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long, that i grew strong and knew that i could take u on... But there u are ,another lie, I was ready for a Big mac and u brought me a french fry! I should have known that it was bullshit , a sad pathetic dream! should have known there was no anaconda lurking in ur jeans! Go on now - go - walk out the door dont u promise me 10 inches and then turn up with 4 .. weren't u a prat to think i wouldnt find out? Dont u no were only joking when we say size dont count? I will survive as long as i have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex i will survive i will survive HEY HEY !!!

Like · · about a minute ago ·

Oh yuk !!!

That really is hilarious! Lmao! :wah:

oscar;1366819 wrote: This Is not a post on Facebook but I had to chuckle a few nights ago.

A friend of mine on FB I shall call, H, posted on my status. After him Rapunzel posted. Cut a long story short, H and Rap are suddenly getting on like a house of fire talking to each other via my status. In fact, It was getting quite cosy and quite a friendship was forming. Wonder If It would have been that cosy If she knew he was the elections manager for the BNP ?

:yh_rotfl

Lol. It was a laugh chatting to him, but I'd already checked out his fb page and found he was married with kids and not exactly good-looking so, on both counts, it would never have been more than a friendly chat. Lol. He's all yours hunni. *chuckles* ;0) :wah:

-kg- · Post by **-kg-** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:45 pm

This was posted by a friend of mine who's in IT in a hospital in the area:

"Investigate why an end user's workstation wouldn't work. Resolution: O-N switch was in O-F-F position. Reversed switch state. Issue resolved. Ticket closed."

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:51 pm

There's a rumor going around that men are tougher than women! Oh please! Can you carry a 8lb baby in your stomach for 9 months and survive hours of labor? Can you cook, clean, and talk on the phone all at the same time? Can you bleed for a week and not die? Can you walk in 5 inch heels? Can you cry all night then wake the next day like everything is ok? Remember guys, women are only helpless till their nail polish dries

Put this on your wall if your proud to be a woman!!!!!

I liked this one, except I had to change the last word from women to woman....

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 7:02 pm

I see someone fuzzy copied and pasted this!:sneaky::wah:

Blackthorn · Post by **Blackthorn** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:08 am

This isn't a status as such, but it did happen on Facebook and really made me laugh. A friend posted something followed by 'ROFLMAO', after which several people inquired what it stands for. It just so happened that my neighbour was looking at my laptop and asked 'Yes, what is 'rofflemayo'? :yh_rotfl

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:50 am

Blackthorn;1370681 wrote: This isn't a status as such, but it did happen on Facebook and really made me laugh. A friend posted something followed by 'ROFLMAO', after which several people inquired what it stands for. It just so happened that my neighbour was looking at my laptop and asked 'Yes, what is 'rofflemayo'? :yh_rotfl

You could be so much more expressive with the acronyms than you can with the smilies IMNSVHO

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:19 am

"rofflemayo" sounds like a car. The backwoods cousin of the Alpha Romeo. The tires squeal like a pig.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 2:55 pm

I know what roflmfao means ....isn't a typo is it?

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Sep 23, 2011 2:56 pm

WonderWendy3;1370649 wrote: I see someone fuzzy copied and pasted this!:sneaky::wah:

and people like it too lol lol

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:15 am

'A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.' :wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:17 am

Postcard from one Redneck to another: Dear Billy Jo, I'm writin' this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within ten miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we ain't seen them since. ... It only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time. I know it is cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Mama said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them buttons on it, so we cut'em off and put'em in the pockets. We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!! My sister had a baby this morning. I ain't heard whether if's a boy or a girl so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt. Uncle John fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We creamated him and he burned for three days. Three of my friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving, the other two was in the back. The driver got out cause he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down. Well, I hope this catches you up on things that's going on around here!! Your cuz, Bubba...

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:51 pm

Betty Boop;1370841 wrote: 'A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.' :wah:

cracked me up even though I saw it coming!!!!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Sep 29, 2011 7:09 am

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Oct 13, 2011 4:53 pm

Sharing it for Someone...

Facebook, Slagbook, meet just to Shagbook, sneaking about but then ya get caughtbook. Guiltbook, Shamebook, not ya real Namebook, in ya photos ya gorgeous but really yr a Mongbook! Prankbook, Skankbook what a ****in Crankbook. Its gettin pretty scary cos its turning into Wankbook. Textbook, Sexbook, spying on your Exbook, someone 'likes' her photo and ya turn into a Pestbook! Scrapbook, Papbook catch the ****in Clapbook, grab ya shitty iphone and add the shitty Appbook. Shitebook, Strifebook get a ****ing Lifebook! Watch it if ya married cos they'll nick ya ****in Wifebook! Creepbook, Peepbook when ya take a Leakbook! Yal even be Facebooking in ya ****ing sleepbook..

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Thu Oct 13, 2011 5:52 pm

YZGI;1371349 wrote:

OMG!!! I just fell off my chair laughing!!!

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Thu Oct 13, 2011 5:53 pm

flopstock;1370888 wrote: cracked me up even though I saw it coming!!!!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

ha ha ha ha love it.

-kg- · Post by **-kg-** » Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:34 am

This was posted on my News feed this morning, and it greatly amused me (and apparently, the quoted comments greatly amused the person who posted it):

Quotes from the evening:

"I love Barry White's voice. If he sang to me 'Take out the garbage, bitch', I'd do it naked."

"Women used to throw their underwear at Tom Jones. But he's OLD! He's been around a long time. Everyone wore granny panties back then... not the cute stuff we have today. Ew..."

Thank you sooo much, Melissa ( X-D

"Melissa's" answer:

You're welcome! Stay tuned for more Melissa-isms! LOL

I inserted the carriage returns for easier readability. :wah:

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:24 pm

This was in response to a story about the Islamic countries forcing women to cover their eyes if they're too attractive:

And still the American people, government, and business interests are completely willing to let these medieval savages control our primary energy source.