Just a few jokes to get a smile out of you !

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:08 am

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he's going.

"I'm on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body."

The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?

"My wife"

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This one is for the elderly members (It was originally sent to me by email a couple of weeks ago)

ROAD TRIP

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before

they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to

retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.

He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.

He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her

glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.

This coming week is National Senior Mental

Health Week. You can do YOUR part by

remembering to contact at least one

unstable Senior to show you care.

I have now done MY part.

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When God made the world, He chose to put animals in it, and decided to give each whatever it wanted. All the animals formed a long line before His throne, and the cat quietly went to the end of the line. To the elephant and the bear He gave strength, to the rabbit and the deer, swiftness; to the owl, the ability to see at night, to the birds and the butterflies, great beauty; to the fox, cunning; to the monkey, intelligence; to the dog, loyalty; to the lion, courage; to the otter, playfulness. And all these were things the animals begged of God. At last he came to the end of the line, and there sat the little cat, waiting patiently. "What will YOU have?" God asked the cat.

The cat shrugged modestly. "Oh, whatever scraps you have left over. I don't mind."

"But I'm God. I have everything left over."

"Then I'll have a little of everything, please" said the Cat.

And God gave a great shout of laughter at the cleverness of this small animal, and gave the cat everything she asked for, adding grace and elegance and, only for her, a gentle purr that would always attract humans and assure her a warm and comfortable home.

But he took away her false modesty.

~ "When God Made Cats" by Lenore Fleischer

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 4:56 pm

Thanks for sharing, G#Gill. :wah:

binbag · Post by **binbag** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:14 pm

:wah: Hee Hee, loved them G#Gill

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:18 pm

Cute. Thanks for sharing.

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:48 am

I went to the doctor's the other day and asked him if he could suggest anything for wind............................................................... he suggested a kite ! :wah:

Well is is Christmas cracker time after all, innit ? :-5

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:08 am

Did you see the movie "Constipation"?

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:09 am

Peg;1348073 wrote: Did you see the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:31 am

Peg;1348074 wrote: It hasn't come out yet.

Oy vey....:wah:

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:33 am

Love your jokes Gill....Keep them coming:-6