So is an only child . . . . .

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:54 am

. . . at a disadvantage, for not being subjected to having siblings? Many only children usualy get what they want, when they want, if they want. Does that senario prepare them for becoming a well adjusted adult in the real world?

From what I've seen, it seems in today's society, many parents are electing to have only one child.

So does a child in a family with 2 or 3 siblings have a better chance of later on coping with the termoil of life, that can sometimes be unfair?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:35 am

I would answer yes to this theoretically and, of course there would always be exceptions, but the percentages would be higher than I would believe them to be presently. It would be interesting to know how high those percentages are now. However, our American culture tends to minimize the family unit by interrupting it at a far too early stage and long hours with school, and now with both parents working while strangers raise the children in day care facilities.

binbag · Post by **binbag** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:36 am

cars;1340769 wrote: . . . at a disadvantage, for not being subjected to having siblings? Many only children usualy get what they want, when they want, if they want. Does that senario prepare them for becoming a well adjusted adult in the real world?

From what I've seen, it seems in today's society, many parents are electing to have only one child.

So does a child in a family with 2 or 3 siblings have a better chance of later on coping with the termoil of life, that can sometimes be unfair?Absolutely, I've seen so many single child families where the parents have so pampered the child that he/she actually looks pampered.

The child has had no experience of interacting with siblings resulting in a failure to understand the need to give or share, and the need to listen to whatever the parents are telling them and do it.

To avoid a child growing up and becoming disliked by others due to their attitude, the parents must really rear the child with great wisdom and planning. Sadly many parents nowadays fail to understand why their child are growning up and turning into little monster.

Watch some of the "Call The Nanny", or whatever they're called, TV shows and you'll get the idea.

That's my view anyway.

Very interesting subject cars.

bb

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:42 am

I don't know ask a chinese person.

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:36 pm

I can't, I don't understand chinese! :wah:

CinnamonBear · Post by **CinnamonBear** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:40 pm

Tough question, cars. I can't imagine not having brothers and sisters, a tight-knit big family still.

I can only hope that solo children have plenty of cousins and playmates to spend a lot of time with.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:34 pm

cars;1340769 wrote: . . . at a disadvantage, for not being subjected to having siblings? Many only children usualy get what they want, when they want, if they want. Does that senario prepare them for becoming a well adjusted adult in the real world?

From what I've seen, it seems in today's society, many parents are electing to have only one child.

So does a child in a family with 2 or 3 siblings have a better chance of later on coping with the termoil of life, that can sometimes be unfair?So are you going to lead this discussion you've started? What is your view on the subject? Its a question worth exploring.

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:47 pm

It's both an advantage and a disadvantage, IMO

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:27 pm

If your the one & only child - it's a disadvantage to that one child... Adjust well --- NO, I don't feel a one child adjusts to the real world.. and from experience - one child doesn't adjust to the "real" world.

Difficult to play "hide & seek"...

Patsy

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:35 pm

Also - Deciding to have one child is unfair to that child, but then again family size is changing.

and there is NO perfect "Family".

As far as that one child entering & intertwining with others - very different than a child from a family of 6 or more siblings..

The only & ONLY advantage to being the one & only child - is when it comes time to inherit..

Patsy

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:24 pm

My daughter was an only child until this year when she turned 14. Her cousins are all in three child families. My child never once complained that her gift wasn't good enough or asked for something she didn't need more than once. Her cousins, in comparison, are hideous brats. I almost left in embarrassment one Christmas because the way one of them was carrying on about how much she hated her presents and had serious chats with the other sister-in-law about how her eldest was running the entire household with emotional blackmail.

So, no, I don't think so.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:25 pm

Ahso!;1340898 wrote: So are you going to lead this discussion you've started? What is your view on the subject? Its a question worth exploring.

Well, I have 3 daughters, each have one child, and each have decided that's all the family they want! And I have one son that has 4 children, of which he & his wife consider is complete. So I see first hand a definite difference between the only child Grandchildren, vs the multiple siblings Grandchildren. (GC) The sibling GC seem to be more aggressive, and assertive by having to compete with their siblings to get their way. Whereas the only child GC seem more complacent, giving the air of its a given that their wish is assured. They all are still young yet & have not reached adulthood. IMO when they finally go into the business world, I believe the sibling GC will have an advantage. As they are used to, and will go after their dreams, whereby the only child GC will actually find out that world is not at their beckon call! I hope & pray they all do well.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:27 pm

cars;1341056 wrote: Well, I have 3 daughters, each have one child, and each have decided that's all the family they want! And I have one son that has 4 children, of which he & his wife consider is complete. So I see first hand a definite difference between the only child Grandchildren, vs the multiple siblings Grandchildren. (GC) The sibling GC seem to be more aggressive, and assertive by having to compete with their siblings to get their way. Whereas the only child GC seem more complacent, giving the air of its a given that their wish is assured. They all are still young yet & have not reached adulthood. IMO when they finally go into the business world, I believe the sibling GC will have an advantage. As they are used to, and will go after their dreams, whereby the only child GC will actually find out that world is not at their beckon call! I hope & pray they all do well.Your experience most closely mirrors that of your son's. Did your 4 kids all do well? Though I think it would be important to define what 'doing well' means. I'd define it as satisfied, but satisfied with what?

We have 5 children (d=30 - d=29 - s=27 - d=26 - d=22) who are all doing well IMO (and theirs). We purposely raised them as non-competitive as we possibly could given our culture, and they remain non-competitive to date though they get along fine with competitive people. Its so difficult for especially females to find non-competitive male mates in this culture. Only one of my daughters (26 year old artist) has had some success in that regard. Not that they're not there, its just that they're more difficult to find. I'm not complaining about any of my kid's partners, they are all fine people, though we've watched them struggle very hard with who to invest a relationship in. That goes for my son as well.

Only one (daughter #2) has completed college (masters degree in Clinical Psychology) while eldest daughter is just now finishing nursing school; My son (#3) has been working with autistic people for the past 5 years and loves his job though it doesn't pay all that much considering the work and hours he puts in.; 26 year old daughter is in college for computer related learning while she and her fiancÃ©e are trying to do web design and art while bar tending; and youngest daughter is waiting tables down in La while her boyfriend attends LSU for environmental engineering.

I'd guess that had we had one child only he or she would be doing no better or worse than any one of our five. Where I see the benefit to the relationship they have (and we are very, very close as a family) is leaning on one another emotionally, not professionally. However, had we raised our children competitively they would most likely lean on one another in that frame of reference instead.

Of course the wife and I both worry about our kid's futures and whether or not we made the correct decisions in raising them as we have. Both us and them have taken a lot of heat from many people for our philosophy, but as it stands today, we, meaning my wife, myself and, from what they tell us, they too, have zero regrets.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:46 pm

Ahso!;1341068 wrote: Your experience most closely mirrors that of your son's. Did your 4 kids all do well? Though I think it would be important to define what 'doing well' means. I'd define it as satisfied, but satisfied with what?

We have 5 children (d=30 - d=29 - s=27 - d=26 - d=22) who are all doing well IMO (and theirs). We purposely raised them as non-competitive as we possibly could given our culture, and they remain non-competitive to date though they get along fine with competitive people. Its so difficult for especially females to find non-competitive male mates in this culture. Only one of my daughters (26 year old artist) has had some success in that regard. Not that they're not there, its just that they're more difficult to find. I'm not complaining about any of my kid's partners, they are all fine people, though we've watched them struggle very hard with who to invest a relationship in. That goes for my son as well.

Only one (daughter #2) has completed college (masters degree in Clinical Psychology) while eldest daughter is just now finishing nursing school; My son (#3) has been working with autistic people for the past 5 years and loves his job though it doesn't pay all that much considering the work and hours he puts in.; 26 year old daughter is in college for computer related learning while she and her fiancÃ©e are trying to do web design and art while bar tending; and youngest daughter is waiting tables down in La while her boyfriend attends LSU for environmental engineering.

I'd guess that had we had one child only he or she would be doing no better or worse than any one of our five. Where I see the benefit to the relationship they have (and we are very, very close as a family) is leaning on one another emotionally, not professionally. However, had we raised our children competitively they would most likely lean on one another in that frame of reference instead.

Of course the wife and I both worry about our kid's futures and whether or not we made the correct decisions in raising them as we have. Both us and them have taken a lot of heat from many people for our philosophy, but as it stands today, we, meaning my wife, myself and, from what they tell us, they too, have zero regrets.

Sounds like you & the mrs did a marvelous job with your kids. Luckily, all our kids are doing very well also and all seem satisfied, if not even downright happy. With one daughter married to a director of a large establishment, where our SIL has been on TV several times, & written up in the newspapers many times. They are doing the best of all. Anyway, I too believe that all the GC will all do well, the onlies, along with the siblings, when they enter the business world. With the only "GC" maybe having to adjust a little more.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:14 pm

i only had one child shelley and yes sometimes i feel maybe i was selfish not having a brother or sister to keep her company,but whos to say even though they are related they might of got on!

I have made sure shelley did not get spoiled as i did ,sadly i was spoiled and it did not make me a nice teenager nor in my 20's was i a nice person:(

This is not really answering your question cars sorry but i think it is down to the parents on how they bring up an only child

yaaarrrgg · Post by **yaaarrrgg** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:39 pm

I remember hearing one parent of an only child mention that they decided to only have one child because it was just too much work and exhausting. And maybe in their case it was. But is there a different level of investment from the parental side in some of these cases? Kids with more siblings might turn out better, because the parents enjoy raising the kids more and want more to begin with, and invest more time into raising their kids.

I wonder if the number of kids isn't as important as the reason behind the number.

CinnamonBear · Post by **CinnamonBear** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:15 pm

Patsy Warnick;1340906 wrote: Also - Deciding to have one child is unfair to that child, but then again family size is changing.

and there is NO perfect "Family".

As far as that one child entering & intertwining with others - very different than a child from a family of 6 or more siblings..

The only & ONLY advantage to being the one & only child - is when it comes time to inherit..

Patsy

I like your boldness in stating an opposing opinion. It's sincere and genuine.

Personally, I can't imagine growing up without many siblings or, better yet, being an adult without them.

However, my heart breaks for my sister who has one toddler and wants another baby so much. So far, no luck. Like me, she appreciates the joy of growing up in a big family with brothers and sisters and wants the same for her family. If she's ultimately only given one child, that choice is not hers but she'll make the best of it. I hope in the real world, the outsiders looking in won't consider her selfish without knowing the tears she's shed wanting a big family.

Patsy, again, I appreciate and agree on so many levels with your opinion. My comment was a general statement with family ties entwined. Thanks again and I got a giggle from your last remark.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:16 am

I wasn't an only child but my brother and sister are 9 & 7 years older than me. I can't ever remember playing with them. My sister and I never got on but I adored my 'big' brother.....still do. I do know that we were all treated equally.

I have seen a lot of spoiling of an 'only child' but also the same with 'the eldest' and the 'youngest'......also I have noticed that some parents have a 'favourite ' child....sad but true.

I have three children who were all treated the same. My daughter (the eldest) said I favoured 'the boys'. My younget son (the baby) said I favoured his older brother. The oldest 2 say that the youngest 'got away with murder' !

It's complicated having kids !

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:35 pm

In my particular case being a single child was a plus. I was raised from age 1 to 11 by both parents (both worked) and from 11 to 18 by a single mom. I consider myself to be a very self reliant and extremely well adjusted adult. Despite my ability to get along well with others, I do not need or require continual attention and am quite capable of entertaining myself. My grown daughter is an only child and is sorry that she never had siblings, she therefore had three children. She was spoiled as a child but is a well adjusted wife, mother and now grandmother.

It really depends on individual circumstances. It's difficult to generalize.