A letter to the UK Passport Office.

[Oscar Namechange]

I was sent this In an E Mail and the sender believes It was a genuine letter sent to the UK passpot office.:

Dear Sirs,



I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.



For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.



Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be also-****ing-lutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!



I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my ****ing address !!!!



What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin' there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for **** sakes. I just want to go and park my arsse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a **** whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last ****ing people I'd want to tell!



Well , I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another ****ing copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us running all over the ****in' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some arssehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic ****in' morons) Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!



Signed

An Irate Citizen.



P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ........ I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. ........ However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN ****ING PAKISTAN !

Sincerely,



You Sure The Hell Should Know Who.



I sooooo want this letter to be genuine :yh_rotfl

[spot]

The internal clues suggest otherwise. Like the "1776" hinting it started life as a US joke instead of a UK one. When text A incorporates elements from text B it tends to be the later version.

The US version, for example, can't say anything about Sky TV so it says "How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date."

There were no satellite TV broadcasters in 1977 either.

Oh - and the Yanks aren't so informed about the Sub-continent, it has "I have to get

someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA ! "

When considering if something's a hoax, Googling variants is a good starting point.

Here's the Canadian version - "I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years."

The Australians don't go back to 1776, obviously, so they use "In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances."

[Oscar Namechange]

Thanks Spot. I had a feeling I had seen It some-where before but It tickled me.

[LarsMac]

Still pretty friggin' funny, and far too close to reality, no matter which continent you're on.

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