It is this kind of childish terror in the face of the infinite which causes religionists like yourself, Saint, to suck greedily on the Big Pacifier called ‘God’.
And it is your egotistical hubris and overbearing self-love that causes you to turn your back on the beauty of Creation and it's Creator. You believe you are the end-all of being, I believe in something greater which naturally challenges your belief.
This isn't a debate that I actually have to win. Time will do that for me. I know that you will believe in God for real...right after you die. The old saying that "There aren't any atheists in foxholes," may or may not be true, but there sure aren't any atheists in the afterlife.
Here's how I know for a fact that they are all wrong and that there is life after death:
For a year, I was getting sicker. The doctors couldn't figure it out. I felt like I was filled with wet cement, I was getting stiffer and stiffer, and the pain was incredible. (They tell me now that it compares to childbirth) By the time the year was up, I literally couldn't walk. I had to use a cane and I could barely shuffle, and if I sat down, I couldn't get up. I was even beginning to have trouble focusing my eyes. Since I couldn't eat due to the pain, I had lost over 70 lbs. and looked like a Holocaust survivor. My friends told me I looked like a living skeleton.
One night, about midnight, I woke with a terrible feeling. I was sick! Something was desperately wrong with me! Not just the pain I had been feeling, but something much, much worse! I tried to call out to my wife, but my voice wouldn't work. I fell out of the bed and managed to crawl upwards to a standing position using the dresser handles. As I stood there holding on to the dresser, suddenly... I was outside my body!
I was standing behind myself. I could see the back of my own head. And that's weird, because usually you don't get to see that angle. I was looking at the curls that I have back there and my first thought was, "Geez, I need a haircut."
Then, my body lost its hold on the dresser, fingernails scratching the top as the body collapsed heavily to the floor in a heap. It didn't even try to catch itself. It hit hard and bounced a little. I stood there shocked thinking, "Wow, that looked like it hurt!"
Then I realized it... I was outside my body. The recognition was instant and hit me like a wave. Suddenly, I was afraid to move. I felt like I might pop myself like a soap bubble. I turned my "head" slowly to the left... the room was quiet. My wife was still in the bed, sleeping softly. A feeling washed over me. It was a feeling of calm and peace. I was so relieved, I felt great! I wasn't hot or cold, I felt good all over and most of all, the pain of my body was completely gone, I thought, "Oh, that feels so much better!" (I hadn't truly realized just how much pain I had been in until it was lifted.) I felt like someone had rolled a Volkswagon off of me.
Then I saw them....
They looked a lot like candle flames, larger at the bottom and tapering to a smaller and rounded top, but not flickering at all, just softly glowing a warm, white light. They were a little bigger than a football, some were slightly bigger than the rest and they were hovering all around the room at various heights.
I kept scanning and noticed that they were also out on the lawn, and in the street. Through the trees, I could see that they were even on the next block. There were thousands of them! That's when I suddenly realized I was looking right through the wall! Now, you have to understand, this was not some hazy, out of focus vision. Everything was crystal clear. The details of the room were crisp, even more than normal; my sight seemed to have improved.
I realized that these were people, and that they were my people. I wonder, "Why do I have so many people?" The answer came to me as a thought, "Down the generations” I got it right away, a family goes back in time thousands of years, these were all my people from all time.
For what seemed like an eternity, I stood there, feeling the cool night air and drinking in the sensation of being free of the pain. Strangest of all, I wasn't breathing, but I didn't feel the building pressure of holding my breath. I just didn't need to breathe. I wasn't hungry, thirsty, or anything else in fact. Funny thing that.
The little candles flames did nothing however. They seemed to be waiting for something. They told me, "We are waiting," and I felt a great love coming from them.
I looked to my left slowly, to see my body huddled on the floor motionless. The next second there was a flash of light and BAM! I was back in my body. I was completely disoriented and it took a second for me to realized where I was. The angle was strange since I was on the floor on my side and I could see under the bed. The room was very dark again. I realized I was back in my body. My first thought was, "Damn! That DID hurt!" My body was aching in a hundred places from the fall and the pain had viciously returned.
My wife heard my moans and woke up. I told her to take me to the hospital and with great effort we managed to drag my body to the car and drive to the hospital.
The doctors told me that I had had a "coronary incident" and that my heart had stopped beating for as much as two minutes. (I didn't suffer any brain damage, though, since I'm an avid swimmer, and can hold my breath easily for that amount of time.) Since I had technically "died", they decided there might actually be something wrong with me.
They ran 300 blood tests, every one in the book. When they came back the answer was as clear as a bell...RA. Rheumatoid Arthritis, the worst kind. It's not just an inflammation of the joints; it's the exact opposite of AIDS and in the old days, every bit as lethal. My own white blood cells could no longer tell the difference between bad bacteria and my own tissues. They were literally eating me alive.
Once they got to the internal organs, I suffered the heart attack. It was no problem after that, a dose of steroids, an autoimmune suppressor and I was literally dancing a jig (on atrophied muscles) by the end of the day.
I'm back to normal now, a strapping, barrel-chested 230 lbs. I can swim, run a short distance, and I'm even hoping to ski again next year. But I'm changed in a big way. I really never took life for granted, I always knew that every day was precious, but now it's not an abstract concept to me. I smell the flowers. I ride my bike, I make sure to kiss my girl and tell her I love her every day. I made a tire swing for my grandchildren and I swing in it myself every chance I get.
I was certainly never afraid of death, but it's different now. I find it of infinite comfort to know that you don't cease to exist when your body dies. I had faith before, but it's infinitely stronger now. God was very kind to me for some reason.
I guess I still have something to do here!
