Grief?

[theia]

My mother died last September and although I was really upset for several weeks whilst she was dying, I've hardly shed a tear since and I've just got on with my life. I was chatting with a work colleague recently and she told me that she was the same when her brother died, and that she couldn't face thinking about it for a long, long time. I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.

Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it?

[Oscar Namechange]

theia;1299562 wrote: My mother died last September and although I was really upset for several weeks whilst she was dying, I've hardly shed a tear since and I've just got on with my life. I was chatting with a work colleague recently and she told me that she was the same when her brother died, and that she couldn't face thinking about it for a long, long time. I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.

Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it? My condolences for the death of Your Mother Theia. We Imagine they go on for ever don't we? Other peoples parents die, but not ours or that's what I thought.

I won't contribute to this thread other than to offer my Condolences to you. Death seems to be all around me at the moment and my husband has been told he has a short time left now.

I hope you find solace. :-6:-6:-6

[Kathy Ellen]

oscar;1299565 wrote: My condolences for the death of Your Mother Theia. We Imagine they go on for ever don't we? Other peoples parents die, but not ours or that's what I thought.



I won't contribute to this thread other than to offer my Condolences to you. Death seems to be all around me at the moment and my husband has been told he has a short time left now.



I hope you find solace. :-6:-6:-6


Oh Oscar...I am so very sorry. Peter is a lovely man. My thoughts will always be with you. I'm crying right now just thinking about this. For the short time that I've known Pete, I've always found him to be such a lovely man. You're going through a very rough time right now, so please take care of yourself also. Sending you and Peter all my love and good wishes:-4:-4:-4:-4

[along-for-the-ride]

The hardest part for me is the period of time when I know my loved one is dying. My mother....a son. The actual death brings a certain relief because this loved one in no longer in pain. But, then, there is the pain for me of final loss. Then. after a time, life does go on. But I will still have those rare moments when a certain memory, or movie, or music will touch me to the core and ,yes, I will cry. Then I wipe my tears and blow my nose, splash some cold water on my face.....and go on. Such is life, I guess.



Grief is a very personal feeling and expressions of grief varies from person to person. But, in the final analysis, acceptance must come eventually.

[Kathy Ellen]

theia;1299562 wrote: My mother died last September and although I was really upset for several weeks whilst she was dying, I've hardly shed a tear since and I've just got on with my life. I was chatting with a work colleague recently and she told me that she was the same when her brother died, and that she couldn't face thinking about it for a long, long time. I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.



Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it?


Oh, I am so sorry to hear about Mom Theia. My warmest thoughts are with you right now:-4



I will reply to this thread next week when I have more time..It's good sometimes to talk about your loses.

[Odie]

theia;1299562 wrote: My mother died last September and although I was really upset for several weeks whilst she was dying, I've hardly shed a tear since and I've just got on with my life. I was chatting with a work colleague recently and she told me that she was the same when her brother died, and that she couldn't face thinking about it for a long, long time. I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.

Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it?


I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom last year.

Some do grieve in different ways.

Try and get it out, talk about it, feel it, cry when you need to, this will help you through the rough times & it relieves the stress.

Grief counselors are also something else you can check into.

Grieving for me has taken well over several years.

[Oscar Namechange]

Kathy Ellen;1299571 wrote: Oh Oscar...I am so very sorry. Peter is a lovely man. My thoughts will always be with you. I'm crying right now just thinking about this. For the short time that I've known Pete, I've always found him to be such a lovely man. You're going through a very rough time right now, so please take care of yourself also. Sending you and Peter all my love and good wishes:-4:-4:-4:-4 Thankyou Kathy, I appreciate that.

We knew It was coming and he didn't want any flannel from his consultant so he asked for the truth. There is no treatment now that can benifit him.

We fight on however and laugh together every day.

Thanks again Kathy :-4:-4

[Kathy Ellen]

oscar;1299578 wrote: Thankyou Kathy, I appreciate that.



We knew It was coming and he didn't want any flannel from his consultant so he asked for the truth. There is no treatment now that can benifit him.



We fight on however and laugh together every day.



Thanks again Kathy :-4:-4




I just sent you a pm Julie...My heart is with you and Pete...I'm so sorry to hear this news:-4:-4

[koan]

being in the midst of a grieving process myself, it's become pretty clear that a) the mind is an amazing thing capable of doing whatever is required to keep you ticking b) at the same time as being thankful for a) you should remember you're grieving and leave big decisions for later c) there is no right way to grieve ... in fact whenever i write the word 'grieving' or 'grief' my predictive text goes blank afterwards

[koan]

another thing is that loss puts things in perspective. my first trip out was to the grocery where the woman in front of me at the checkout nearly had a meltdown trying to decide whether or not to redeem her points or keep saving. it was like she was on Let's Make A Deal or summat. i'm laughing & thinking ' honey that ain't a problem, let me tell you about problems '

[Oscar Namechange]

Kathy Ellen;1299583 wrote: I just sent you a pm Julie...My heart is with you and Pete...I'm so sorry to hear this news:-4:-4
Got It and replied :):)

[Oscar Namechange]

koan;1299608 wrote: another thing is that loss puts things in perspective. my first trip out was to the grocery where the woman in front of me at the checkout nearly had a meltdown trying to decide whether or not to redeem her points or keep saving. it was like she was on Let's Make A Deal or summat. i'm laughing & thinking ' honey that ain't a problem, let me tell you about problems ' Your right... Been there, done that. He'll always be with you, you know.

[Nomad]

theia;1299562 wrote: I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.



Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it?


Im sorry about mom Theia.

Sounds like youre avoiding greiving because you purposefully distract yourself from the process.

I never grieved for mine either though.

I have occassional bouts of sympathy for her but there was so much damage done I was disconnected a long time ago.

[theia]

Nomad;1299646 wrote: Im sorry about mom Theia.

Sounds like youre avoiding greiving because you purposefully distract yourself from the process.

I never grieved for mine either though.

I have occassional bouts of sympathy for her but there was so much damage done I was disconnected a long time ago.


Thanks for taking the time to reply, Nomad, as we both know you were one of the few people on here whom I told back in September when it happened.

For me, the mother/child relationship seems to be the deepest, most complex relationship we experience and it's so difficult to unravel one's feelings. Koan, I still think of the hell you might be going through...thank you for replying.

And thank you to everyone else who has responded. It's helpful to me to hear about other people's experiences of grief.

:-4

[minks]

Aw Dear Theia, I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

Koan and O I am saddened to hear of your experiences as well.

T, when my father in law passed on my husband grieved as you did, and it took him years to really let the grief out. (I think it had a lot to do with the ruin of our marriage but another thing all together). And his brother grieved instantly he cried for months and months he was a train wreck.

Both argued about how the other grieved the ex husband claimed his brother was weak, the brother in law accused the ex of being cold hearted and couldn't understand.

No way is right or wrong. It's all a matter of how you as an individual handle it.

I can only think one should not let it overwhelm us to the point of being debilitating however that is easier said than done because if I were to loose either of my daughters I think I would be the train wreck for life.

To anyone who has lost a loved I hope you find peace within when the time suits you.

[Oscar Namechange]

theia;1299657 wrote: Thanks for taking the time to reply, Nomad, as we both know you were one of the few people on here whom I told back in September when it happened.

For me, the mother/child relationship seems to be the deepest, most complex relationship we experience and it's so difficult to unravel one's feelings. Koan, I still think of the hell you might be going through...thank you for replying.

And thank you to everyone else who has responded. It's helpful to me to hear about other people's experiences of grief.

:-4 Actually Theia, I will respond further.

I adored my Mother and Father but I am a pretty realistic person and always knew that folk get old and die. When my Mother died, It was due to a massive stroke but she did not die Immediately. She lingered on for 12 weeks, Paralised and unable to speak. I would watch the tears fall down her face when we visited and I wanted her to die to end the misery she was In. When she did die, It was a massive relief but I suppose for a few years I was like you. I shut out the fact that she had died, didn't cry and carried on as normal. When I look back, I believe my behaviour was due to the fact that I would just not accept she had gone.

My Father died of Cancer and one of my brothers who was the closest to him and normally a staid sensible person, went completely off the rails. He ended up on Anti-depressents for the first time In his life after talking of suicide to join Father. His loss was Un-bearable to him yet I on the other hand accepted that father was 80 years old and had to go at some time. Even now, he speaks of our Father every day as If he were still with us.

When my Sister died of Breat cancer I was furious for many years. She never drank alcohol nor ever put a Ciggerette In her mouth although she did love her food. She left 3 young children and It was hell watching them throw Red roses on her coffin and deal with the Aftermath.

I know that my husband has little time left but I do tend to block this out and never think of him actually going although he Is totally prepared mentally, even putting all his affairs In order. We laugh about It. that may sound strange to some I suppose but It's one way of dealing with It. We had two Police Officers round for coffee two nights ago and we were talking about my Husbands deteriorating health and he told the Police that I'd be OK as I'd have Insurence money after he is gone. I said 'Yeah, and I'll be straight up Cheltenham race-Course with It as soon as your gone'. Lots of laughter followed but that may seem odd to some people.

I suppose from the above, people take grief In different ways and you should never feel bad If you feel you are not behaving the way that others think you should behave.

[Odie]

theia;1299657 wrote: Thanks for taking the time to reply, Nomad, as we both know you were one of the few people on here whom I told back in September when it happened.

For me, the mother/child relationship seems to be the deepest, most complex relationship we experience and it's so difficult to unravel one's feelings. Koan, I still think of the hell you might be going through...thank you for replying.

And thank you to everyone else who has responded. It's helpful to me to hear about other people's experiences of grief.

:-4


As said Theia everyone has their own way of dealing with the death of a member in their family.



When my husband lost his dad 6 years ago, he never grieved, and in life when a tragedy hits, it you don't grieve, something else will show up later as it did when I had my first divorce, I never grieved and I ended up with a obsession that then had to be cured.

I really think you should try grief counseling as it works.:-4

[Oscar Namechange]

Counselling Is not for every-one. If you have a loving husband and a loving, supportive family, they can work far better than any Counsellor In some cases.

[Betty Boop]

theia;1299562 wrote: My mother died last September and although I was really upset for several weeks whilst she was dying, I've hardly shed a tear since and I've just got on with my life. I was chatting with a work colleague recently and she told me that she was the same when her brother died, and that she couldn't face thinking about it for a long, long time. I realise that's what I've been doing...not speaking about it much and certainly not thinking about it...every time I do, I work really hard to distract myself to try to stop myself getting upset.

Grief must be different for everyone and I was just wondering how it has affected others here and how they've dealt with or experienced it?


It's different for everyone, any which way it happens is the right way for you. I suspect you might be similar to me, a delay, then a shutting yourself away from 'life' where you will allow yourself to go through it, then emerge again. Just don't play into the guilt trip because you don't think you are grieving enough :-4

[Imladris]

Grieving seems to me to be a lifelong process, the pain ebbs and flows according to time, anniversaries,events etc.



No time limit to grieving, no 'proper' way to do it, however it affects you is how it is.



Mourning is different and seems to be forgotten in Western Societies these days, it's a very important part of losing a loved one, that acknowledgement of the terrible thing that has happened, a stage to go through on the path to acceptance and healing.

[chonsigirl]

Grief is exprienced in various ways, sometimes internally rather than externally. I am thinking of you Theia, and you too OScar and Mr. O. :-4

[Oscar Namechange]

Betty Boop;1299801 wrote: It's different for everyone, any which way it happens is the right way for you. I suspect you might be similar to me, a delay, then a shutting yourself away from 'life' where you will allow yourself to go through it, then emerge again. Just don't play into the guilt trip because you don't think you are grieving enough :-4
Wise words Betty.

Can I just add to that... Thia... Don't feel pressured Into getting Counselling because others think It Is what you should do. Every-One Is so different In times like this.

[Patsy Warnick]

I'd have to agree with Koan and other replies

Your mind has a way of protecting you.

I never know what might provoke tears & a real good cry.?

I was shopping the other day & I could smell my Mothers old perfume(Tabu).

Every one handles grief differently - eventually you'll need to have a good cry

you'll need to process the loss as it will surface eventually through your work - attitude - personality change - anger - isolation..?



I'm sorry for all here having to live with out their loved one.

it is very difficult as I've lost my Nephew in 2005 at 27 yrs. my Husband in 1988 at 30 yrs.my Mother in 1996, my Father in 1982. and and

I didn't think I'd survive some of those & nearly didn't.

you have to smile for the good times shared & I feel very fortunate for the time I had with them.

Theia - as you can see - your Loved here & we care.

Wish you the best

Patsy

[Oscar Namechange]

Patsy Warnick;1299824 wrote: I was shopping the other day & I could smell my Mothers old perfume(Tabu).





Patsy Gosh... How true Is that??

With me and my mother It's the smell of apples. She was always making Apple Pie.

With my Father... It's the smell of a Bonfire and Linseed Oil my Bro uses on his Cricket Bat.

With my Sister... It's the smell of baby sick... She was always covered In It.

[koan]

I discovered, when I lost Noah, that I had a phobia of funerals. I remember my Aunt's funeral when I was only about 9 and I wasn't old enough to really feel the loss intensely but, being extremely sensitive to other people's emotions, I was hit like a brick wall by the anguish and sadness of everyone else. It felt like a black hole that I was trying not to get sucked into. Traumatizing. As a result, I distanced myself from emotions to some degree. By the time I was 20 I pretty much refused to cry in front of anyone. If there was something that upset me I'd wait until I was alone before I'd accept the feelings. My favourite trick when things got bottled up was to go in the shower, think of anything that could get me crying then let everything out all at once, without caring exactly which part of it all was from what occassion. It seemed symbolically good to just offer all the pain up to the universe, let it out and watch it go down the drain, away from me.

I still think that works well.

Losing Noah was different. I couldn't hide it. The nurses at the hospital were worried that I didn't have anyone with me and that I wasn't a wreck but were relieved that I had moments when I started crying. I was apologetic to start with, thinking it was such a burden to dissolve in front of someone and put them in an uncomfortable situation. Of course the nurses aren't strangers to women losing their babies so they kept telling me it was okay to fall apart. Good thing, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop falling into the black hole. I learned to cry in front of people, which to me is quite astounding. I also found that crying felt good. I used to hate it. When it felt good I started to be okay with just suddenly bursting into tears.

My next problem was feeling okay if I laughed. Then it was feeling guilty for having a day where I didn't feel sad. I started thinking I was okay again after about a month but when I went out with some friends I was kinda wild and half crazed and realized one serious hangover later that I was still not back to normal. I think I've been putting pressure on myself to get over it as if I owe it to society. I've noticed that if I watch something really funny on tv I end up in hysterical laughter where I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying anymore.

I don't know if I'd have prefered not falling apart. I think for all the times I just sat in the dark crying I shaved a few years off crying at stupid commercials.

I only went to the grief counselor twice and she told me that she thought I was fine. It felt like passing a test. Mainly, they're looking for signs of dangerous depression (suicidal) dangerous anger (homicidal) or breaks from reality. Other than that, it's really nice to have someone to talk to who understands grief and can tell you you're normal/healthy. Pretty much anything you feel, whether it's ground shaking sadness or an odd distancing from people, is normal. How you respond to it is main question. If you're feeling like you have stuff bottled up inside you then you should look into ways to release it. If you feel clear and focused then assure yourself that you're fine and don't worry.

Emotions find their own way and time to come out, you might find that you have actually been letting the grief out but in small ways over a longer time and you just never noticed. You could probably find out if you have bottled it up by creating a safe place and surrounding yourself with things that remind you of your mother and see what happens... or finding someone you feel safe with and telling them all about her, who she was and what she meant to you or things you wish you'd said and done before she died, if any. You're the only one who knows what "normal" feels like.

One thing that definitely helped was hearing other people talk about their grief so... that's my story.

[theia]

koan;1299830 wrote: I discovered, when I lost Noah, that I had a phobia of funerals. I remember my Aunt's funeral when I was only about 9 and I wasn't old enough to really feel the loss intensely but, being extremely sensitive to other people's emotions, I was hit like a brick wall by the anguish and sadness of everyone else. It felt like a black hole that I was trying not to get sucked into. Traumatizing. As a result, I distanced myself from emotions to some degree. By the time I was 20 I pretty much refused to cry in front of anyone. If there was something that upset me I'd wait until I was alone before I'd accept the feelings. My favourite trick when things got bottled up was to go in the shower, think of anything that could get me crying then let everything out all at once, without caring exactly which part of it all was from what occassion. It seemed symbolically good to just offer all the pain up to the universe, let it out and watch it go down the drain, away from me.

I still think that works well.

Losing Noah was different. I couldn't hide it. The nurses at the hospital were worried that I didn't have anyone with me and that I wasn't a wreck but were relieved that I had moments when I started crying. I was apologetic to start with, thinking it was such a burden to dissolve in front of someone and put them in an uncomfortable situation. Of course the nurses aren't strangers to women losing their babies so they kept telling me it was okay to fall apart. Good thing, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop falling into the black hole. I learned to cry in front of people, which to me is quite astounding. I also found that crying felt good. I used to hate it. When it felt good I started to be okay with just suddenly bursting into tears.

My next problem was feeling okay if I laughed. Then it was feeling guilty for having a day where I didn't feel sad. I started thinking I was okay again after about a month but when I went out with some friends I was kinda wild and half crazed and realized one serious hangover later that I was still not back to normal. I think I've been putting pressure on myself to get over it as if I owe it to society. I've noticed that if I watch something really funny on tv I end up in hysterical laughter where I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying anymore.

I don't know if I'd have prefered not falling apart. I think for all the times I just sat in the dark crying I shaved a few years off crying at stupid commercials.

I only went to the grief counselor twice and she told me that she thought I was fine. It felt like passing a test. Mainly, they're looking for signs of dangerous depression (suicidal) dangerous anger (homicidal) or breaks from reality. Other than that, it's really nice to have someone to talk to who understands grief and can tell you you're normal/healthy. Pretty much anything you feel, whether it's ground shaking sadness or an odd distancing from people, is normal. How you respond to it is main question. If you're feeling like you have stuff bottled up inside you then you should look into ways to release it. If you feel clear and focused then assure yourself that you're fine and don't worry.

Emotions find their own way and time to come out, you might find that you have actually been letting the grief out but in small ways over a longer time and you just never noticed. You could probably find out if you have bottled it up by creating a safe place and surrounding yourself with things that remind you of your mother and see what happens... or finding someone you feel safe with and telling them all about her, who she was and what she meant to you or things you wish you'd said and done before she died, if any. You're the only one who knows what "normal" feels like.

One thing that definitely helped was hearing other people talk about their grief so... that's my story.


That's what I'm experiencing here at FG, and I can't thank everyone enough, I really can't :-4

[koan]

theia;1299833 wrote: That's what I'm experiencing here at FG, and I can't thank everyone enough, I really can't :-4


If you feel like telling, I'd love to hear all about her. She must have been a very special person.

[theia]

koan;1299844 wrote: If you feel like telling, I'd love to hear all about her. She must have been a very special person.


She was special to me, Koan; deep down I adored her and would ultimately have done anything for her.

But, she seemed to view both my father and me as the people who had prevented her from living the life she would have liked. So there was always someone else special in her life who would "compensate" for our failings. My dad was the same as me in that he would have done anything for her but we both would feel deeply resentful that this wasn't reciprocal and would feel jealous of the others. And this resentment and jealousy haunted both our lives and when either of us dared to express it, we were unstoppable and all hell let loose. So, yes, crikeymoses, there is guilt aplenty for me...maybe that's what I'm trying to avoid facing.

My mum spent her last two weeks on the ward where I work...I would have had it no other way because, although I couldn't do anything for her, I could be close at hand if she needed me. The staff were my work colleagues and friends and I knew she had the best of care, even down to the wonderful HCA who laid her out after death.

My mum...

as a young woman she was beautiful and looked just like Jackie Kennedy. She was a giggler and a "big kid" and would give most things a go :-6 Her wartime stories were both heartrending and hilarious. She was a Girl Guide, and then a Guider for most of her life. She co-ordinated the local Victim Support group when she retired from the Probation Service. She never did a day's housework in her life; she loved smoking big cigars. She never judged anyone by their race or beliefs or status; she could be critical but never for those reasons. She passed her driving test first time but never drove above second gear! She loved gardening but her gardens were so full of everything that no-one but her could appreciate their beauty! She completely ignored sell by dates and her food cupboards were full of the most horrendous "things" but she never got ill from it...

So, whether anyone reads this post or not, it has really helped me writing it :-6 I've gone through a range of emotions in the last hour, and what I'm left with is that I wouldn't have changed my mother for the world. She highlighted the issues that I need to look at and, in that way she was perfect. And I love her and miss her.

Thank you, Koan.

[ZAP]

Thank you Theia. That is so beautifully written.

[AussiePam]

theia;1299991 wrote: She was special to me, Koan; deep down I adored her and would ultimately have done anything for her.

But, she seemed to view both my father and me as the people who had prevented her from living the life she would have liked. So there was always someone else special in her life who would "compensate" for our failings. My dad was the same as me in that he would have done anything for her but we both would feel deeply resentful that this wasn't reciprocal and would feel jealous of the others. And this resentment and jealousy haunted both our lives and when either of us dared to express it, we were unstoppable and all hell let loose. So, yes, crikeymoses, there is guilt aplenty for me...maybe that's what I'm trying to avoid facing.

My mum spent her last two weeks on the ward where I work...I would have had it no other way because, although I couldn't do anything for her, I could be close at hand if she needed me. The staff were my work colleagues and friends and I knew she had the best of care, even down to the wonderful HCA who laid her out after death.

My mum...

as a young woman she was beautiful and looked just like Jackie Kennedy. She was a giggler and a "big kid" and would give most things a go :-6 Her wartime stories were both heartrending and hilarious. She was a Girl Guide, and then a Guider for most of her life. She co-ordinated the local Victim Support group when she retired from the Probation Service. She never did a day's housework in her life; she loved smoking big cigars. She never judged anyone by their race or beliefs or status; she could be critical but never for those reasons. She passed her driving test first time but never drove above second gear! She loved gardening but her gardens were so full of everything that no-one but her could appreciate their beauty! She completely ignored sell by dates and her food cupboards were full of the most horrendous "things" but she never got ill from it...

So, whether anyone reads this post or not, it has really helped me writing it :-6 I've gone through a range of emotions in the last hour, and what I'm left with is that I wouldn't have changed my mother for the world. She highlighted the issues that I need to look at and, in that way she was perfect. And I love her and miss her.

Thank you, Koan.


(((((((((((((((((((( Theia )))))))))))))))))))))))

and ((((((((((((((((((((( Koan )))))))))))))))))))))))



I can't let anything out about the death of my first born daughter except to state the fact - it's unspeakable, beyond grief - but I can hug both of you.

[Oscar Namechange]

AussiePam;1300022 wrote: (((((((((((((((((((( Theia )))))))))))))))))))))))

and ((((((((((((((((((((( Koan )))))))))))))))))))))))



I can't let anything out about the death of my first born daughter except to state the fact - it's unspeakable, beyond grief - but I can hug both of you.
I lost my first born also Pam, after 2 days. They did not have the technology then that we have now for Under developed lungs. Like Noah and Koan, my daughter Is with me every day and you also I would Imagine. There Is not one word that any-one can give you to ease the grief.

Thia... Lovely words about your Mum. She would have got on with my Mum who was also a giggler.

[koan]

theia;1299991 wrote:

So, whether anyone reads this post or not, it has really helped me writing it :-6 I've gone through a range of emotions in the last hour, and what I'm left with is that I wouldn't have changed my mother for the world. She highlighted the issues that I need to look at and, in that way she was perfect. And I love her and miss her.

Thank you, Koan.


Thank you. She sounds like a very colourful and unique person. We all fail each other in some way, it's part of being human. It's wonderful that you have such a rich picture of who she was though. It immortalizes her. I think seeing her flaws makes her that much more lovable.

We should start a thread in which people can memorialize and share their lost ones with the world. It is very healing to write and cry for the people who have meant something in our lives.

[theia]

koan;1300034 wrote: Thank you. She sounds like a very colourful and unique person. We all fail each other in some way, it's part of being human. It's wonderful that you have such a rich picture of who she was though. It immortalizes her. I think seeing her flaws makes her that much more lovable.

We should start a thread in which people can memorialize and share their lost ones with the world. It is very healing to write and cry for the people who have meant something in our lives.


That's a brilliant idea, koan. I was just saying to Betty in a pm that I felt a bit embarrassed about what I'd posted, but that I was so glad I did because it helped me so much...I can't believe how it unfolded and how I experienced a range of emotions from resentment to guilt, to sadness through to love. It was so incredibly therapeutic but I wouldn't have expressed it at all had you not said you'd like to hear more :-4