Overreacting???

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:24 pm

Hey guys! How's it going? Haven't been to this particular section lately, been dabbling in the pet section.

Anyway...to get to the point. I have a best friend whom i have mentioned in a thread before. We are tighter than sisters and pretty much family. We've been thru good things and horrible things and made it through it amazingly. Well, back in march, she became pregnant, suffered a miscarriage, and i was her only support. Her family, boyfriend kinda just shrugged it off. I was the one who listened to her cry, offered to spend the night with her talking, took her out to free her mind, ya know, just being a friend. Well, she broke the news to me that she is now 2 months pregnant. I'm all excited for her and offer my assistance and everything to help her, well, recently she's developed an "Oh, i don't need you now" kind of attitude towards me. Reason behind this is a another co-worker (whom she just became friends with) is 4 months pregnant. ( i will call this friend Laura). The day she called me and told me she was pregnant, I advised her to go ahead and call her doctor and make an appt. Well, her doctor was out and wouldn't be returning until next week and since she is high risk pregnancy, she needed to see one ASAP. So, I told her I would take her wherever she wanted to go. Well, she gets off the phone with me and calls Laura, and in the end, she ends up going to see Laura's doctor. When she called me back, she explained to me that Laura was going to take her to her doctor. Ok cool...Well, the whole night at work last night, she completely shut me out. She Laura and some other chick rambled on about something and I just kinda sat there wondering...This morning, as we were leaving work, she was like "Oh Laura is taking me to see her doctor to get test results and yadda yadda yadda." And before i can even get a word in, she;s gone. I'm not jealous at all, I just want to know why she would treat me like this after all i've done for her. I mean with her last pregnancy, i was the one who took her to the ER at 3:00 in the morning, i was the one who waited for 4 hours with her to get results back, i was the one who was her support and now, it's like "i don't need your help" and all i'm trying to do is be there for her. I figure it's the support of being around someone who is pregnant as well is why she is acting like that to me. I have had a child, so i already know and i try to tell her and i even bought her books before. . But I guess since she and Laura are only a few months apart, maybe there is a "bond". So, there you have it. I know I'm not jealous of her new friend, because I have many friends, but i treat them the same. It just hurts my feelings that she would treat me like this. Do you think I'm overreacting??

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:30 pm

I wouldn't say jealous..but hurt is the word...You wanted more out of your friend and she isn't giving it to you.. Is she younger then you? Maybe she does feel a connection with this woman who is pregnant but it doesn't give her the right to make you feel obsolete either.. Hang tough...the thing is - what if she needs you again....Will you be there? Friends are so hard to deal with...you just wish you could say how you feel with out making them feel bad...but in the same- You need the same respect... Good Luck to you...You sound like a friend anyone would want...:-4

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:35 pm

mominiowa wrote: I wouldn't say jealous..but hurt is the word...You wanted more out of your friend and she isn't giving it to you.. Is she younger then you? Maybe she does feel a connection with this woman who is pregnant but it doesn't give her the right to make you feel obsolete either.. Hang tough...the thing is - what if she needs you again....Will you be there? Friends are so hard to deal with...you just wish you could say how you feel with out making them feel bad...but in the same- You need the same respect... Good Luck to you...You sound like a friend anyone would want...:-4

Yeah, i'm really hurt! We are all the same age. I've been there before and just want to help...she just won;t let me. If she does need me again, i'm sure i'll be there. I just don't want to feel like i'm being used...ya know?? I don't know if i should say something to her and if i was to say something, I wouldn't know what to say... Guess we'll wait and see. Thanks for your help! It really helps!!!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:39 pm

Chances are she's connected with Laura because they have the pregnancy in common.

Chances are she also doesn't realise that she has hurt you.

Maybe once all the excitement has worn off she'll come back down to earth and remember you. Fingers crossed for you.

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:44 pm

I believe that the connection with LAura stems from them both being pregnant.

I don't know if she knows she's hurting me, but I feel that she knows things aren't the same. I mean a week ago, we were laughing, talking, just being our usual crazy selves, and now, it's changed drastically. So, i don't know...i do't know if she's just trying to show out for laura or what...

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:47 pm

Shibee...this has happened to me several times and as a result I don't tend to get too deeply into friendhsips with people. It's a shame, but nobody likes to get hurt. I think that if this happened to me now, I would gently make my feelings known....at least you will know where you stand. Good luck with this freindship. Unlike family you can at least CHOOSE your freinds. :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:49 pm

shibee wrote: I believe that the connection with LAura stems from them both being pregnant.

I don't know if she knows she's hurting me, but I feel that she knows things aren't the same. I mean a week ago, we were laughing, talking, just being our usual crazy selves, and now, it's changed drastically. So, i don't know...i do't know if she's just trying to show out for laura or what...

Send her here to FG we will set her straight.

I dunno maybe the shared joy of pregnancy has got the better of her. Or as you may or may not know, when pregnant many woman take temporary leave of their minds. I don't think you over reacted. I just think you need to ensure your friend is ok and again tell her you are there if she needs another friend. Then let it be and see what happens.

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:55 pm

Bez wrote: Shibee...this has happened to me several times and as a result I don't tend to get too deeply into friendhsips with people. It's a shame, but nobody likes to get hurt. I think that if this happened to me now, I would gently make my feelings known....at least you will know where you stand. Good luck with this freindship. Unlike family you can at least CHOOSE your freinds. :-6

Something similar has happened to me like this before. I never said anything because i was afraid that the person would think i was being immature or something, so i kept my mouth shut and let her know that i was there if she needed me. Well, this other person, shut me out and over time, we grew apart which resulted in not seeing eachother for a year and not being near as close as we were before. I've recently seen this friend about two weeks ago. It's kinda awkward now...

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:41 am

Hey guys! Haven't been on here in a good minute! Just thought I'd give a lil update to my current situation. My best friend is still continuing to treat me like crap. I haven't made my feelings about this known, to her but I'm sure she knows...anyone would know. I just returned from a lovely vacation...only talked to her once the whole time while on vacation, which normally would have been 2-3 times a day. Well, anyway, i come back to work expecting maybe a little change..ya know, maybe she hasn't forgotten about me after all...well...WRONG! She's gotten worse. We haven't talked, laughed or anything like we used to. Instead, she does all this laughing and talking with Laura... I don't know what to do. After she brushed me off last night, i kinda kept my distance from the both of them. Ya know...you can only hurt my feelings so many times. I tried to talk to them as "friends" but i feel like the outsider. I feel like i have to try to fit in with them and it's just an awkward situation all around. I don't like to feel like i have to pretend to be someone else. So, i don't know...i feel kinda petty about this whole thing...kinda sounds like a -she-was-my-friend-first- situation, and in a small, very small, under the microscope, teeny weeny) way, i admit that i am somewhat jealous because I don't have that friendship with her anymore.

Even if it was to be restored...would it be the same? Who knows...will keep you posted.

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:34 pm

I don't think you are over reacting and of course you're jealous. I would think that's quite normal. You were very close, now you're not and she's behaving badly. If I were you, I would just ask her if you did anything wrong. If the answer is no, then I would ask her why the distance, then? If you don't get a satisfactory explanation, then, well...you've been dumped. And, IMO, you're better off. Who needs a 'friend' like that? Her new 'friend' will be dumped sooner or later too.