How to get banned from Wal-Mart (long)

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:12 pm

I have done a few of these. It's fun!! You should try some out at your Wal-Mart!!!

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray airfresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Play with the automatic doors.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upsidedown.

Put M&M's on layaway.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

TP as much of the store as possible.

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

Two words: "Marco Polo."

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOWLY, especially in narrow aisles.

When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,yelling, "Red Rover!"

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:22 pm

the REAL way to get banned from walmart is to take a Brit with you who has never seen one before. :yh_bigsmi gawd.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:22 pm

BabyRider wrote: I have done a few of these. It's fun!! You should try some out at your Wal-Mart!!!

Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

I did. And I do!

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:28 pm

This is the greatest Wal-Mart story ever told.

http://www.mentallyincontinent.com/modu ... le&sid=120

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:31 pm

posted by lady cop

the REAL way to get banned from walmart is to take a Brit with you who has never seen one before. gawd.

I've got to ask. What did he do?

Bothwell · Post by **Bothwell** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 12:36 am

I will tell you. For reasons that I will not go into I had to get some shoes, LC was working so I decidede to go downtown to get some, big mistake all the shops are tourist traps selling t shirs or "Antique" spanish swords??.

So on her return I asked to be taken to Wal Mart, the mistake I made was to ask one of their highly trained operatives to find me the matching shoe from one I found, at first he looked panic striken then a look of understanding lit up his face and he blurted out "I work the toy section" and ran off. So I did then make a bit of a scene regarding the quest for a shoe but I wasn't embarrassed in the least, I am sure that I will manage more faux pas on my next trip.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:37 am

actionfigurestepho wrote: This is the greatest Wal-Mart story ever told.

http://www.mentallyincontinent.com/modu ... le&sid=120
:wah: :wah: That was funny, long but funny.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:38 am

Bothwell wrote: I am sure that I will manage more faux pas on my next trip.And i'm sure a certain Lady will fill us in.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:36 am

Bothwell wrote:

So on her return I asked to be taken to Wal Mart, the mistake I made was to ask one of their highly trained operatives to find me the matching shoe from one I found, at first he looked panic striken then a look of understanding lit up his face and he blurted out "I work the toy section" and ran off.

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:38 am

gmc wrote: posted by lady cop

I've got to ask. What did he do?his version here is typical British understatement.

...i shall have more "adventures of Bothwell in the states" stories soon Abbey! :wah:

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:21 am

One time we took my grand mother to Wal*Mart. She wanted to go there. We were vacationing in Colorado Springs and she had to go to Wal*Mart.

She picks out this cheap candy bar and is like watch this. Well she holds up the line wanting her seinor discount!!!!

Eventually the mannager of the store comes to see what the fuss is about. He then gives her the candy bar for free. I had tried to pay for it myself and my grandmother refused saying I want my seinor discount. The checker was trying to explain the every day low price deal.

My grandmother died yesterday while I was at Foghat. Just saw her two weeks ago and she seemed to be doing good.

Guess is she would have gotten a pace maker she would probably still be here. But she got her refills of her perscriptions with out her usual check up. My aunt was a bit annoyed at this.

We were all annoyed at my grand mother for eating into our vacation time getting her free candy bar but now it is quite funny.

So all you seniors get your seinor discount at Wal*Mart in honnor of my grandmother. And all you Wal*Mart workers get smart and unionize. It is sad how Wal*Mart has made a monstore of a company on the backs of it's workers.

"When I was blue, stone blue, rock and roll really helped me through"

Lotto

http://vivasurf.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?p=1797#1797

MagicZ4941A

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:22 am

One time we took my grand mother to Wal*Mart. She wanted to go there. We were vacationing in Colorado Springs and she had to go to Wal*Mart.

She picks out this cheap candy bar and is like watch this. Well she holds up the line wanting her seinor discount!!!!

Eventually the mannager of the store comes to see what the fuss is about. He then gives her the candy bar for free. I had tried to pay for it myself and my grandmother refused saying I want my seinor discount. The checker was trying to explain the every day low price deal.

My grandmother died yesterday while I was at Foghat. Just saw her two weeks ago and she seemed to be doing good.

Guess is she would have gotten a pace maker she would probably still be here. But she got her refills of her perscriptions with out her usual check up. My aunt was a bit annoyed at this.

We were all annoyed at my grand mother for eating into our vacation time getting her free candy bar but now it is quite funny.

So all you seniors get your seinor discount at Wal*Mart in honnor of my grandmother. And all you Wal*Mart workers get smart and unionize. It is sad how Wal*Mart has made a monstore of a company on the backs of it's workers.

"When I was blue, stone blue, rock and roll really helped me through"

Lotto

http://vivasurf.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?p=1797#1797

MagicZ4941A