need help with forum issues

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:40 pm

rustlin02 wrote: Hi. I'm new here and I'm seeking advice. I joined a forum about 6 months to seek advice. I don't want to go into extreme detail in case a member might be lurking here I don't want to be recognized. On this forum I set out to get advice and make friends, however due to problem I was dealing with I was instantly flamed by everyone on the forum. It really hurt my feelings and I lost sleep over it. It was totally unexpacted and the members were amazingly rude and hurtful.

Some time passed and the dust settled, and I went back to read threads only, not to actually seek any advice. A few members welcomed me back and I thought that it was safe to join discussions, but as soon as I posted I was instantly flamed again by the same members.

I think that one of the problems is that all of the members of that forum share the exact same ideas and they are completely unopen to any other ideas that differ from their opinions. after a humbel attempt to express an opinion, I am flamed by one member after another telling me how insane I am for thinking that way. No matter how well written of a response I am able to muster, they just pick it apart and insult every paragraph.

Eventually most will stop responding altogether, and anyone who continues to respond just continues the rude insults. I backed down the first time, but for some reason I just don't want to back down again and let them continue to get the best of me. If I could just come up with one response that they couldn't pick apart I would feelt sooo much better.

Does anyone have any advice on handling a difficult forum?

Eeesh... no advice but some sympathy. Join the club, as it were.

Sometimes I think you just hafta let it go. Otherwise, you just tear

yourself up and don't get anywhere.

My 78 year old father has a saying "You'll never know it in a hundred

years" and I'm not very good at applying it but I try.

Stay here, we'll all listen to ya!!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:42 pm

With so many forums out there, why would you want to go back where you are treated so poorly?

Cass · Post by **Cass** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:52 pm

Hi rustlin.. there must be something more to the situation that you are not telling us.

For a whole gang of people to repeatedly flame you.. it can't be over something non contraversial like say... you music prefernence, or your political preference. For that many people to react so strongly - something else is going on.

What kinds of topics were on the forum that gave you so much trouble?

By the way, welcome to the ForumGarden, there are nice people here.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:12 pm

Welcome to the garden. Just hit the quote button to respond to an individual post.

Cass · Post by **Cass** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:14 pm

Ahh Dog fanciers.. that is interesting! So your views were not the same as the general conformists? or maybe yours ways of thinking were new and they found them threatening?

I post at a crime website and have been following the Laci Peterson case for almost 2 years including paying for and reading all the court transcripts... 99% of the board knows Scott Peterson is guilty but there is that 1% that dare to post of his innocence

and do quite often get flamed for their trouble

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:24 pm

I have had my run ins with dog trainers off the Net. Wow. These people are intense. If you are the dog trainer...well there you go. If you wanted doggy advice, it's like getting advice about your kids. Wish you'd never asked. Rules don't always apply and somehow it's always the "parent's" fault when things don't go as planned.

I find this forum you get burned and you get loved. It works both ways and it works out rather well. Kind of like real life. Kind of.

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:32 pm

rustlin02 wrote:

Does anyone have any advice on handling a difficult forum?

The best ways are the following:

1. Put the offenders on your "ignore list". (You won't see any more of their posts. You'll usually find this setting in your "Profile" area.)

2. Moderate your responses back to the offenders. If you react in kind, you are likely to get another double dose.

3. Leave the forum - and shake the dust off your boots as you leave!

By the way - welcome to FG! We are an opinionated bunch here - but fun none-the-less!

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 11:46 pm

rustlin02 wrote: Hi. I'm new here and I'm seeking advice. I joined a forum about 6 months to seek advice. I don't want to go into extreme detail in case a member might be lurking here I don't want to be recognized. On this forum I set out to get advice and make friends, however due to problem I was dealing with I was instantly flamed by everyone on the forum. It really hurt my feelings and I lost sleep over it. It was totally unexpacted and the members were amazingly rude and hurtful.

Some time passed and the dust settled, and I went back to read threads only, not to actually seek any advice. A few members welcomed me back and I thought that it was safe to join discussions, but as soon as I posted I was instantly flamed again by the same members.

I think that one of the problems is that all of the members of that forum share the exact same ideas and they are completely unopen to any other ideas that differ from their opinions. after a humbel attempt to express an opinion, I am flamed by one member after another telling me how insane I am for thinking that way. No matter how well written of a response I am able to muster, they just pick it apart and insult every paragraph.

Eventually most will stop responding altogether, and anyone who continues to respond just continues the rude insults. I backed down the first time, but for some reason I just don't want to back down again and let them continue to get the best of me. If I could just come up with one response that they couldn't pick apart I would feelt sooo much better.

Does anyone have any advice on handling a difficult forum?

It all depends on your purpose of being on the forum. I do not know anout that, so I will tell you my purpose. It might help you.

My purpose of being on this or any other forum is not to convert others but to define and expand my own concepts by free exchange of views and information. I select the topics of my interest, where I think I can contribute a little and where I want to learn more. I post my views and carefully read others' views. I take what is helpful and ignore what is not helpful. I never loose my cool. I never form an opinion and so others' views never hurt me. When I switch off the computer I am fresh and enriched in information and knowledge.