Separating From My Husband/immediate Support

rhoda4 · Post by **rhoda4** » Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:10 pm

I AM 68 YEARS YOUNG AND SEPARATING FROM MY HUSBAND AFTER 49 YEARS OF MARRIAGE! YES, IT HAS BEEN A LIFETIME, AND IT IS A LONG STORY, BUT I MADE A FINAL DECISION TO AT LEAST SEPARATE. BEFORE I BEGIN ACTUAL DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, THERE ARE FINANCIAL OBSTACLES AMD SOME EMOTIONS INVOLVED.

I AM ASKING FOR SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL SUPPORT AND HELP FROM OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE OVERCOME THEIR OBSTACLES AND HAVE GONE FORWARD TO NEW, POSITIVE BEGINNINGS AND SELF-EMPOWERMENT.

OF COURSE I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND COMFORT, BUT I AM SEEKING HONEST AND REALISTIC SUPPORT AND ADVICE.

MY IMMEDIATE FOCUS: GOING INTO TRAINING WITH A LARGE, GLOBAL COMPANY WHO WILL PROVIDE THE TOOLS AND CONTACTS FOR ME TO DEVELOP THIS PROJECT AND COMPANY. THE DESPERATE EMOTIONAL OBSTACLES ARE CAUSING HAVOC WIHIN MYSELF AND SOMETIMES UNDERMINES MY PERSERVERENCE AND DETERMINATION.

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE LIVING TOGETHER DUE TO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, BUT I HAVE MADE A FINAL AND FIRM DECISION TO LEAVE.

I AM HOPING THAT WOMEN, ESPECIALLY WHO ARE CLOSE TO MY AGE WILL OFFER THEIR ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS.

THANK YOU

RHODA FRIEDMAN

rhoda4@comcast.net

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:38 pm

Hang in there is all I can say- I am younger but left after 11 years....stand tall and be brave....take the world by your hand - because LIFE IS SHORT! Good Luck to you:-6

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:51 am

I can only say how very brave you are.

I have been maried for 39 years. My husband and I live separate lives...he has had 2 affairs that i know of ...when I found out about the first one we separated ( the kids were young) he persuaded me to get back together which i did and I've regretted it ever since...(for 22 years).

I feel pathetic for putting my love of my home and garden before my ultimate happiness and therefore not leaving him years ago. I really want to go before the 40th anniversary next year. My kids are behind me...I lack the courage. The financial situation scares me but he is in debt so my hand may be forced.

This is not helping you at all i know....sorry... Be brave....stick to your resolve...at least you've made the first move...

I am months behind you with my action plan but stick around because i am sure that there are women out there that have have been in the same situation and will offer all the support you need

Warm wishes....Bez

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:56 am

rhoda4 wrote: I AM HOPING THAT WOMEN, ESPECIALLY WHO ARE CLOSE TO MY AGE WILL OFFER THEIR ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS.

I was only 32 when I did this. It's hard. Luckily, I was the one left, so I had no choice. The inner turmoil can kill ya! All i can offer is stay strong and realize that the "HAVOC WIHIN" yourself which can "SOMETIMES UNDERMINE" your "PERSERVERENCE AND DETERMINATION," is a natural row you must hoe. Let it happen, feel it, process it, then pick up and move on!

God be with you on your journey!:-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:19 pm

SuiteDarlin wrote: I was only 32 when I did this. It's hard. Luckily, I was the one left, so I had no choice. The inner turmoil can kill ya! All i can offer is stay strong and realize that the "HAVOC WIHIN" yourself which can "SOMETIMES UNDERMINE" your "PERSERVERENCE AND DETERMINATION," is a natural row you must hoe. Let it happen, feel it, process it, then pick up and move on!

God be with you on your journey!:-6

Love yourself and have the courage to ask for help and accept help. There is loads of support out there, church, councellors, government aid. Oh wait that is here in Canada maybe different there. Accept a life style change for a bit but you can do it. Yes inner turmoil is huge but with that comes strength and remember every success no matter how dam small it is, is success. LIttle successes add up to larger success. Every one deserves to be happy and everyone has the power to make their own happiness. Lean on friends and aquaintances too and come here and feel free to vent there is a handful of us women who have gone out on a limb and dangled precariously close to the edge but managed to get our poop in a group and move on. If you want to PM me either of you feel free. I know others here would say the same thing.

Cheers M

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:22 pm

minks wrote: LIttle successes add up to larger success.

snip... If you want to PM me either of you feel free. I know others here would say the same thing.What she said! :-4

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:58 pm

Good Luck Rhoda and stay strong, Bez too, I left my husband back in May, and I'm very nearly divorced now.

Never been happier, although some days it's really hard

:yh_hugs :yh_hugs one each!!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:07 pm

i am happy to see that "age" is not holding you back from finding your niche! my kids were all grown and i just said i am going to police academy, bye! you can find a new path at any age!! you will succeed!!

alltaurus · Post by **alltaurus** » Wed Aug 31, 2005 6:13 am

Sounds like you are getting a lot of emotional support here....Good for you. The decision you've made must have been tough but I commend you. What ever your reasons are you deserve to be happy.

My best friend is going through this. They had financial problems and that was the only thing making her stay. Her husband of 18 years is verbaly abusive and would not let her work. The adivce I gave her was to ignore his verbal abuse and get yourself an entry level job now. Take your time and find a company that believes in promoting from within. Treat this job seriosly. Treat is as if you were already on your own and your life depends on it.

Sock that money away and when you are able to leave you will be established. Stay strong and do not turn back.

One last bit of advice, make sure your choice of careers is something you truly enjoy doing. You will be very emotional while this is going on and doing something that you can pour your heart and soul in to will help to keep you moving forward.

Best of luck!!!

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:03 am

rhoda4 wrote: I AM 68 YEARS YOUNG AND SEPARATING FROM MY HUSBAND AFTER 49 YEARS OF MARRIAGE! YES, IT HAS BEEN A LIFETIME, AND IT IS A LONG STORY, BUT I MADE A FINAL DECISION TO AT LEAST SEPARATE. BEFORE I BEGIN ACTUAL DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, THERE ARE FINANCIAL OBSTACLES AMD SOME EMOTIONS INVOLVED.
Hi Rhoda!

You seem like a very practical-thinking kind of woman. I didn't notice, so I'll assume you're American? I haven't been through a divorce except as a child, so I don't have the wisdom of experience, but there's plenty here, as you've seen.

We'll also help you if you want to stop thinking about your situation for a little while, too! We're multi-talented like that.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:07 am

minks wrote: [...]there is a handful of us women who have gone out on a limb and dangled precariously close to the edge but managed to get our poop in a group and move on. [...]
"Poop in a group" :wah: I'm stealing this one, Minks.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Aug 31, 2005 8:19 am

Accountable wrote: "Poop in a group" :wah: I'm stealing this one, Minks.

Go ahead Acc it's all yours. I can't boast being the originator of that, my brother got me saying that years ago hehehehe

dawnseve · Post by **dawnseve** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 7:22 am

I am sorry you are going through this. I am also going through the thought of a separation from my husband, although I have not been married as long as some of the ladies here. I feel stuck because I have been a stay at home mom and therefore have no money to my name. I am not leaving for violence reasons but for non communication and no intimacy. The communication part has been going on since we met and started dating 6 yrs ago. I just thought it would change. It didnt. We got married 2 yrs after we started dating but we lived together for 6 yrs so far. The intimacy issue started a couple years back. These things never change so I have to move on at least to think things out. The problem, again, is I have nothing and the kids will be devastated. I know this isnt helping but you arent alone. Keep looking up.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:31 am

rhoda4 wrote:

I AM ASKING FOR SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL SUPPORT AND HELP FROM OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE OVERCOME THEIR OBSTACLES AND HAVE GONE FORWARD TO NEW, POSITIVE BEGINNINGS AND SELF-EMPOWERMENT.

OF COURSE I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND COMFORT, BUT I AM SEEKING HONEST AND REALISTIC SUPPORT AND ADVICE.

You will definetly find that here! Welcome Miss Rhoda!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:36 am

unfortunately rhoda only posted once, last august.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:42 am

lady cop wrote: unfortunately rhoda only posted once, last august.

Im such an idiot. This is the second time in 2 days Ive done this. :-5

I wonder how her divorce went.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:45 am

DesignerGal wrote: Im such an idiot. This is the second time in 2 days Ive done this. :-5

I wonder how her divorce went.you're not an idiot! and Dawnseve is new.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:47 am

DesignerGal wrote: Im such an idiot. This is the second time in 2 days Ive done this. :-5

I wonder how her divorce went.We'll probably never know, sad when folk post and ask advice and dont stick around with the outcome.

Mia · Post by **Mia** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 2:51 pm

My first hubby was an Alcoholic wife beater. I admire you very much for making the break.Go for it I promise you will feel so much better getting rid of him.I understand it is difficult due to money and things.I had two babies no money and ended up in a womens refuge.I recovered from his abuse and got my life back together.Go for it and don't look back.

Big hugs for you

Mia

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 2:54 pm

Mia;592677 wrote: My first hubby was an Alcoholic wife beater. I admire you very much for making the break.Go for it I promise you will feel so much better getting rid of him.I understand it is difficult due to money and things.I had two babies no money and ended up in a womens refuge.I recovered from his abuse and got my life back together.Go for it and don't look back.

Big hugs for you

Mia

:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap I applaud you for your courage mia...

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:25 pm

rhoda4;115942 wrote:

I AM 68 YEARS YOUNG AND SEPARATING FROM MY HUSBAND AFTER 49 YEARS OF MARRIAGE! YES, IT HAS BEEN A LIFETIME, AND IT IS A LONG STORY, BUT I MADE A FINAL DECISION TO AT LEAST SEPARATE. BEFORE I BEGIN ACTUAL DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, THERE ARE FINANCIAL OBSTACLES AMD SOME EMOTIONS INVOLVED.

I AM ASKING FOR SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL SUPPORT AND HELP FROM OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE OVERCOME THEIR OBSTACLES AND HAVE GONE FORWARD TO NEW, POSITIVE BEGINNINGS AND SELF-EMPOWERMENT.

OF COURSE I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND COMFORT, BUT I AM SEEKING HONEST AND REALISTIC SUPPORT AND ADVICE.

MY IMMEDIATE FOCUS: GOING INTO TRAINING WITH A LARGE, GLOBAL COMPANY WHO WILL PROVIDE THE TOOLS AND CONTACTS FOR ME TO DEVELOP THIS PROJECT AND COMPANY. THE DESPERATE EMOTIONAL OBSTACLES ARE CAUSING HAVOC WIHIN MYSELF AND SOMETIMES UNDERMINES MY PERSERVERENCE AND DETERMINATION.

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE LIVING TOGETHER DUE TO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, BUT I HAVE MADE A FINAL AND FIRM DECISION TO LEAVE.

I AM HOPING THAT WOMEN, ESPECIALLY WHO ARE CLOSE TO MY AGE WILL OFFER THEIR ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS.

THANK YOU

RHODA FRIEDMAN

rhoda4@comcast.net

You need a lawyer before anything else.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 3:22 am

I have gone threw this, you must stay positive! You need to do what is good for you. I know I am younger than you, but, if this is what you need to do, just do it.

Strongflour9 · Post by **Strongflour9** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:12 pm

I am currently separated from my husband and have the papers to sign. The closer it gets, the worse it has been. He is a major alcoholic and just tonight he called to tell me goodbye and tell the boys he loved them....threatening suiside. I became an amputee in Nov of 05 and he just fell apart. We were together for 15 yrs. Married 13. I am just about at my wits end. Can't wait for it to be over.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:57 am

As this thread was started in 2005 and the originator never came back, I am going to close this thread.

Maybe if this is a topic someone wishes to persue, a new thread can be started.