Old Friendship

alltaurus · Post by **alltaurus** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 9:23 am

Hi I'm new here, I've been reading some of the posts and am not sure if anyone has ever been in a situation like mine, or if anyone has some good advice.

I've been frieds with M for about 10 years. We were always really good friends, but we've never considered each other "best friends" per se. Over the last few years both of our lives have changed and we now live about an hour apart. She got married a couple of years ago and had a baby, moved to another community, none of which lived up to her expectations, and although she's not miserable, she's not all that happy either. Don't get me wrong, she's not a total downer; I just feel that I've found my place in life and its not the same as hers.

She calles me about once a week to chat and to see about getting together. I've realized how different we are and no longer enjoy these conversations (which usually consist of small talk, like "how've you been and what have you been up to?" followed by a little complaining about her husband, baby and other friends). I really have no desire or time to get together with her. I feel awful about it but am not sure what to do.

I am now in a fantastic "live in relationship", have joined some groups, do volunteer work, have quite a few hobbies and have made new friends with whom I feel very connected with.

M has always been very nice to me, but I wish she would realize how little we have in common now. I've tried telling her that I just don't have as much time anymore, or suggest she get involved in one of my group activites, but she has no interest.

Any help would really be appreciated

alltaurus · Post by **alltaurus** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:04 am

I know, and I've tried that. I guess I just feel bad knowing that whe was a good friend for 10 years and obviously wants to persue it at some level. I guess I wish in a way she was feeling the same way I am, and once or twice a year would be fine.

I know you are right, (I've thought of that) but its just hard for me to give up a friendship that way.

Thanks

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:08 am

alltaurus wrote: I know, and I've tried that. I guess I just feel bad knowing that whe was a good friend for 10 years and obviously wants to persue it at some level. I guess I wish in a way she was feeling the same way I am, and once or twice a year would be fine.

I know you are right, (I've thought of that) but its just hard for me to give up a friendship that way.

Thanks

You could just straight up tell her you are very busy and to keep up you have to cut your time with her back. But would be happy to see her every 3 months or so. If she has a problem with that just tell you you are sorry but your interests change and you find your time very limited.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:09 pm

Maybe you could slowly move the relationship into a "keep in touch by email" kind of relationship. That way you can still exchange news, but on your own time, and there are no long awkward conversations.

alltaurus · Post by **alltaurus** » Wed Aug 31, 2005 5:45 am

I wish she used computers so that we could e-mail. I don't even think she knows how to turn one on.

Thanks everyone for the advice. Minks..i think I'm going to try that route and see how it works.

Thanks again!