My mother had surgery last week for an aortic thorasic aneurysm. This is her second aneurysm, and her 5th surgery. Its a very big operation, with a huge incision. Before this surgery my sister and I were well aware of her having some dementia. Now its much worse, because of anestesia, drugs etc....
Ive taken her home from the hospital with me to recuperate because I am the only one she has down here in Virginia. My sister is in New York.
I want to be this wonderful, loving, caring person, but oh my God! This is very difficult. Not just the nursing part ( I shudder at anything medical )
But the continuous irrational conversations. I feel like I am losing my mind.
I cant leave the apartment without a baby sitter, which I dont have. And I cant come and go as I please which is an all time first for me.
Im not whining... Just thought Id give you something interesting to read. A glimpse into the life of one of your members. So here..... want to cry?
Yesterday I do get my younger son to come here for an hour, so I can run to
" The Big Satan" ( Walmart) to get a few things. While I was gone, he searched my room ( which I have given to my mother) found and took a couple of her pain pills. Mercenary little ****. I had hoped he was finally clean. I did know enough to hide the pills. He found them anyway. So, on top of everything else, I had to tell him not to ever come up here again.
I do believe that situations presented to us in life to deal with, are all potential lessons for learning. And that there is a reason for everything.
Im up for the challenge, but boy this is something else.
I know that many of you have had similar situations with family members. Im not looking for advice. It is what it is. Just sharing, observing, and commenting on yet another phase of life. Dealing with the elderly.
As far as the pill incident goes...... It was long overdue for my son to be written off not only by me, but by other family members. Detaching with love, but definately detaching. We have been putting up with his crap for many years. Its like one crisis takes over another, and you finally see it for what it is. It becomes less important.
I spent a week at the hospital in Charlottesville. Saw all kinds of handicapped, deformed, and sick people. Met all kinds of people in crisis.
I find I no longer have any tolerance at all for anyone who has to drug themselves to cope. That includes my own son.
I will get through this one way or another. Hopefully when spring comes my mother will be better, and I will be a better person for having tried to care for someone who needed me. What else can I say? Life is tough. Accept it, deal with it. Or roll up in a ball, and give up.
I choose to deal with it.
There I feel better already.
Thanks guys.
Dementia
Dementia
I wish I could say it'll get easier. If you ever need a shoulder, I'm just a PM away. Doesn't make you look forward to getting old, does it?
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along-for-the-ride
- Posts: 11732
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm
Dementia
I just read your post, Weeder. Do take time to care for yourself as well. There are some things that you can't do all by yourself, so if there is some kind of support systen in your community, do take advantage of it even it this involves just a few hours in a day.
My mother-in-law is in a similar situation with the onset of dementia, health problems and geriatric issues. She is currently staying with a daughter who also works at a nursing home. Some days MIL is alert and talkative, other days she is confused or very sleepy. She is bed-riddden, so wears an adult diaper that has to be changed regularly ofcourse. She can eat and leave the bed to sit up with assistance.
I'm just posting to remind that you that you've got a friend here who cares about you.
My mother-in-law is in a similar situation with the onset of dementia, health problems and geriatric issues. She is currently staying with a daughter who also works at a nursing home. Some days MIL is alert and talkative, other days she is confused or very sleepy. She is bed-riddden, so wears an adult diaper that has to be changed regularly ofcourse. She can eat and leave the bed to sit up with assistance.
I'm just posting to remind that you that you've got a friend here who cares about you.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Dementia
Gosh you've got a lot to do there. What I'd hope is that the continuous irrational conversations revert to what you were more used to before the operation. There's no reason for it simply from the operation itself. The anaesthesia and the mind-numbing painkillers are quite enough to account for it and they're temporary.
As for your son that's something you've been fighting for ever and it's surely not your responsibility any longer. Whether you try or whether you don't seems to make no difference. You might as well be there for the people who gets something positive from your effort.
Keep telling us how things are, even just writing it and having someone know might help.
As for your son that's something you've been fighting for ever and it's surely not your responsibility any longer. Whether you try or whether you don't seems to make no difference. You might as well be there for the people who gets something positive from your effort.
Keep telling us how things are, even just writing it and having someone know might help.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Dementia
You have your hands full, and I will think and pray for you often. It is not an easy road to follow, but you will do it to the best of your ability. You will learn things inside of yourself you never thought you could do, and you will do them. I am sorry to hear about your son, but you put your priorities first.
Comment as often as you need to, it helps alot the first few months and years. I know it helped me alot.
Comment as often as you need to, it helps alot the first few months and years. I know it helped me alot.
Dementia
You don't need advice but have some hugs instead :yh_hugs:yh_hugs:-4
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Dementia
As always .... your all wonderful, and loving. Thank you for always thinking of me along for the ride. Chonsi, in light of the committed and loving care you give your husband, its a disgrace for me to complain. And Spot, always the voice of calming, intelligent assesment of situations, you reassure me that surely, things will get better.
Those of you who have known me for a long time, do know about the ongoing struggle to save my son. Ive let go 80% over the past year. It is clear now that I have let go 100%. His life is his own. Whatever he choses to do with it, he is not going to invade the very small amount of peaceful existence that I have carved out for myself. I love him, but I really cant stand to be around him any longer.
I am going to use the next 4 or 6 weeks to do paper work, prepare my taxes, and to paint. I just have to keep myself from eating every time my mother eats, or I will weigh a ton when this is over.
Thanks again kids...... Love you, Weeder
Those of you who have known me for a long time, do know about the ongoing struggle to save my son. Ive let go 80% over the past year. It is clear now that I have let go 100%. His life is his own. Whatever he choses to do with it, he is not going to invade the very small amount of peaceful existence that I have carved out for myself. I love him, but I really cant stand to be around him any longer.
I am going to use the next 4 or 6 weeks to do paper work, prepare my taxes, and to paint. I just have to keep myself from eating every time my mother eats, or I will weigh a ton when this is over.
Thanks again kids...... Love you, Weeder
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Dementia
Weeder you know you have our support as always. I understand your pain and wish I could help. I will say your mothers Heart surgeries will lead to dementia the lack of blood flow to the brain causes this, just what happens. She may regain a bit of normalcy but most likely not.
You might seek in-home care for her that should be covered under her insurance if Medicare, Medical it all should be covered right down to the bed and someone to help with bathing and bandages. Look into it and don't give you till you get what you need.
We are hear for you. :-6
You might seek in-home care for her that should be covered under her insurance if Medicare, Medical it all should be covered right down to the bed and someone to help with bathing and bandages. Look into it and don't give you till you get what you need.
We are hear for you. :-6
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
Dementia
CARLA;1117576 wrote: Weeder you know you have our support as always. I understand your pain and wish I could help. I will say your mothers Heart surgeries will lead to dementia the lack of blood flow to the brain causes this, just what happens. She may regain a bit of normalcy but most likely not.
You might seek in-home care for her that should be covered under her insurance if Medicare, Medical it all should be covered right down to the bed and someone to help with bathing and bandages. Look into it and don't give you till you get what you need.
We are hear for you. :-6
Oh God Carla... the hospital staff said over and over again that the dementia was due to anestesia, psycotic drugs, and what they called ICU psychosis.
Sometimes shes totally sane, other times she doesnt know what day it is.
I cannott keep her in my apartment long term. Home health services has arranged for a nurse to visit. She has already been here. My apartment is not condusive to having someone in her condition here long term I live in the top of a big old huge southern type mansion. I am on the 3rd floor. When we attempted to bring her up here the first time, she had to crawl up on her hands and knees. Scared me to death. So now that shes up, she cant go down. The plan is that she will move over here to my town, as she lives 40 miles away. But she has got to go into her own place. My sister would love to have her in New York, but she would never be able to afford the rent.
I didnt know that a persons brain didnt get blood during an operation.
Oh well thanks again. We will just have to wait and see.
You might seek in-home care for her that should be covered under her insurance if Medicare, Medical it all should be covered right down to the bed and someone to help with bathing and bandages. Look into it and don't give you till you get what you need.
We are hear for you. :-6
Oh God Carla... the hospital staff said over and over again that the dementia was due to anestesia, psycotic drugs, and what they called ICU psychosis.
Sometimes shes totally sane, other times she doesnt know what day it is.
I cannott keep her in my apartment long term. Home health services has arranged for a nurse to visit. She has already been here. My apartment is not condusive to having someone in her condition here long term I live in the top of a big old huge southern type mansion. I am on the 3rd floor. When we attempted to bring her up here the first time, she had to crawl up on her hands and knees. Scared me to death. So now that shes up, she cant go down. The plan is that she will move over here to my town, as she lives 40 miles away. But she has got to go into her own place. My sister would love to have her in New York, but she would never be able to afford the rent.
I didnt know that a persons brain didnt get blood during an operation.
Oh well thanks again. We will just have to wait and see.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
Dementia
This could very well be. If she was showing signs of dementia prior to the surgery the aortic thorasic aneurysm (blod clot) causes blood flow issues. Its not the blood flow during the surgery it is what has lead her to this point because of the aneurysm. She may have had mini strokes along the way which can cause dementia. I hope she regains herself that would be wonderful and I will pray for that. 
[QUOTE]Oh God Carla... the hospital staff said over and over again that the dementia was due to anestesia, psycotic drugs, and what they called ICU psychosis.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Oh God Carla... the hospital staff said over and over again that the dementia was due to anestesia, psycotic drugs, and what they called ICU psychosis.[/QUOTE]
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
Dementia
Im so sorry weeder and i truly hope your mother does improve:-4 My own mother and me and my brother and sister are having to deal with the same sort of thing with my dad. A few strokes and a bleed on the brain requiring surgery has left him quite simply a different man altogether. His manner, his appetite and yes the irrational conversations, and obsessive behaviour. He is also physically impaired through it all as well and is unable to walk unaided, which is probably just as well as who knows what he would get up to in his state of mind, but yes its the mental state he is in that is harder to deal with more than the physical
He cannot be left alone at all,, and even a trip to the loo has to be quick as possible, so my mother cant go out at all unless one of us is there to look after dad, fortunately myself, my brother and one of my sisters are able to do this:) Its hard to see your dad change so much and he seems to have aged ten years over the last year
Anyway im just telling you this so you know i understand somewhat a bit of what you are going through, i hope you get all the help you need for your mother,,, and for you:-4
He cannot be left alone at all,, and even a trip to the loo has to be quick as possible, so my mother cant go out at all unless one of us is there to look after dad, fortunately myself, my brother and one of my sisters are able to do this:) Its hard to see your dad change so much and he seems to have aged ten years over the last yearAnyway im just telling you this so you know i understand somewhat a bit of what you are going through, i hope you get all the help you need for your mother,,, and for you:-4
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Dementia
Thanks again Carla. Yes, she was showing symptoms before the surgery. She just had an operation in September to repair a ruptured stomach wall, that was the result of an Aortic Abdomenal aneryusm 5 years ago. So the woman has been through a lot.
Thank you all. I know many of you have had to deal with similar circumstances. If anything ever happens to me up the road, I will have to put a thread up here asking for one of you to take care of me. Or Ill have to put a hit out on myself, and ask to be shot when I least expect it. There is no one who would take care of me.
Thank you all. I know many of you have had to deal with similar circumstances. If anything ever happens to me up the road, I will have to put a thread up here asking for one of you to take care of me. Or Ill have to put a hit out on myself, and ask to be shot when I least expect it. There is no one who would take care of me.
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Betty Boop
- Posts: 16987
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:17 pm
- Location: The end of the World
Dementia
Hugs to you Weeder, you'll get there hun, stay strong :-4
Dementia
Ive been through it with grandma and something near it with mom and her drinking and hallucinations.
I was grateful when they both died.
For their sake.
Your struggle is an uphill battle.
For your own well being find a way to keep your sanity.
You just have to find a way to sneak in a little peace for yourself every day weedeater.
Blessings....
I was grateful when they both died.
For their sake.
Your struggle is an uphill battle.
For your own well being find a way to keep your sanity.
You just have to find a way to sneak in a little peace for yourself every day weedeater.
Blessings....
I AM AWESOME MAN
Dementia
Aw Weeder I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. As everybody else has said, hang in there and come here and just vent. You know some days FG insanity is better than our own insanity. It's a bit of a comic relief, or some kind of relief. I am not making light of your mum and your situation, just trying to give you a little smile.
Like Peg said we are just a PM away. Never feel bad about letting out what is inside. Nobody's troubles are more or less than anyone elses. Struggle is struggle hunny and if friends here ease just a few minutes a day then this helps.
Beams to you and your mommy :-6
Like Peg said we are just a PM away. Never feel bad about letting out what is inside. Nobody's troubles are more or less than anyone elses. Struggle is struggle hunny and if friends here ease just a few minutes a day then this helps.
Beams to you and your mommy :-6
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Dementia
weeder;1117401 wrote:
I will get through this one way or another. Hopefully when spring comes my mother will be better, and I will be a better person for having tried to care for someone who needed me. What else can I say? Life is tough. Accept it, deal with it. Or roll up in a ball, and give up.
I choose to deal with it.
There I feel better already.
Thanks guys.
Laura, I'm so sorry you are going through this alone, I wish I could help.
Be strong sweetheart, If anyone can get through this, You can.:-4
I will get through this one way or another. Hopefully when spring comes my mother will be better, and I will be a better person for having tried to care for someone who needed me. What else can I say? Life is tough. Accept it, deal with it. Or roll up in a ball, and give up.
I choose to deal with it.
There I feel better already.
Thanks guys.
Laura, I'm so sorry you are going through this alone, I wish I could help.
Be strong sweetheart, If anyone can get through this, You can.:-4
Dementia
Hi Weeder, we haven't met, but just wanted to say I know how hard this is on you.......my mom had this disease many years ago before we put her in a nursing home.............the constant repetitiveness drove us mad also....it is frustrating when you have just finished saying or explaining something..then to find out, they had no idea what you were even saying.
The family would spend everyday with mom either before or after work, we all took her food as she could no longer go shopping.......then to turn around a day later and the food was all gone......she had no idea she had eaten it all, for she would forget...........
We ended up having to do everything for her, then we just had to put her in the nursing home as she could not be left alone.........I never minded helping mom, as it was my turn after years of her taking care of me.
You can check into nursing homes, and most are on government programs, where if she doesn't have much money, they still will take her. Mom loves it there, and we made her room look identical to her living room, we had taken all of her favorites from there and placed them in her room. We pushed the bed to the side on the wall...she is very content and happy there, this nursing home is above and beyond all standards.....they care for her 24/7........nothing goes unseen.
And its nice for us now, knowing she is well taken care of and happy when we go and visit her.
It's not easy what your doing hun, god give you strength, and if you ever need me, please pm me or email me, my addy is there also.
:-4
The family would spend everyday with mom either before or after work, we all took her food as she could no longer go shopping.......then to turn around a day later and the food was all gone......she had no idea she had eaten it all, for she would forget...........
We ended up having to do everything for her, then we just had to put her in the nursing home as she could not be left alone.........I never minded helping mom, as it was my turn after years of her taking care of me.
You can check into nursing homes, and most are on government programs, where if she doesn't have much money, they still will take her. Mom loves it there, and we made her room look identical to her living room, we had taken all of her favorites from there and placed them in her room. We pushed the bed to the side on the wall...she is very content and happy there, this nursing home is above and beyond all standards.....they care for her 24/7........nothing goes unseen.
And its nice for us now, knowing she is well taken care of and happy when we go and visit her.
It's not easy what your doing hun, god give you strength, and if you ever need me, please pm me or email me, my addy is there also.
:-4
Life is just to short for drama.
Dementia
Odie;1117861 wrote: Hi Weeder, we haven't met, but just wanted to say I know how hard this is on you.......my mom had this disease many years ago before we put her in a nursing home.............the constant repetitiveness drove us mad also....it is frustrating when you have just finished saying or explaining something..then to find out, they had no idea what you were even saying.
The family would spend everyday with mom either before or after work, we all took her food as she could no longer go shopping.......then to turn around a day later and the food was all gone......she had no idea she had eaten it all, for she would forget...........
We ended up having to do everything for her, then we just had to put her in the nursing home as she could not be left alone.........I never minded helping mom, as it was my turn after years of her taking care of me.
You can check into nursing homes, and most are on government programs, where if she doesn't have much money, they still will take her. Mom loves it there, and we made her room look identical to her living room, we had taken all of her favorites from there and placed them in her room. We pushed the bed to the side on the wall...she is very content and happy there, this nursing home is above and beyond all standards.....they care for her 24/7........nothing goes unseen.
And its nice for us now, knowing she is well taken care of and happy when we go and visit her.
It's not easy what your doing hun, god give you strength, and if you ever need me, please pm me or email me, my addy is there also.
:-4Love to you Abbey, Minks, and Odie. Moms left leg seems to be collapsing out from under her. She tries to get up alone, and I have found her on the floor twice. When the nurse comes Monday, I am going to ask for physical therapy.
The family would spend everyday with mom either before or after work, we all took her food as she could no longer go shopping.......then to turn around a day later and the food was all gone......she had no idea she had eaten it all, for she would forget...........
We ended up having to do everything for her, then we just had to put her in the nursing home as she could not be left alone.........I never minded helping mom, as it was my turn after years of her taking care of me.
You can check into nursing homes, and most are on government programs, where if she doesn't have much money, they still will take her. Mom loves it there, and we made her room look identical to her living room, we had taken all of her favorites from there and placed them in her room. We pushed the bed to the side on the wall...she is very content and happy there, this nursing home is above and beyond all standards.....they care for her 24/7........nothing goes unseen.
And its nice for us now, knowing she is well taken care of and happy when we go and visit her.
It's not easy what your doing hun, god give you strength, and if you ever need me, please pm me or email me, my addy is there also.
:-4Love to you Abbey, Minks, and Odie. Moms left leg seems to be collapsing out from under her. She tries to get up alone, and I have found her on the floor twice. When the nurse comes Monday, I am going to ask for physical therapy.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
Dementia
weeder;1117886 wrote: Love to you Abbey, Minks, and Odie. Moms left leg seems to be collapsing out from under her. She tries to get up alone, and I have found her on the floor twice. When the nurse comes Monday, I am going to ask for physical therapy.
do you know if her leg is falling asleep, she probably wouldn`t realize this.
it used to happen to my mom because they say they cannot feel alot of things anymore, even pain they cannot feel or know how to identify it.
do you know if her leg is falling asleep, she probably wouldn`t realize this.
it used to happen to my mom because they say they cannot feel alot of things anymore, even pain they cannot feel or know how to identify it.
Life is just to short for drama.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Dementia
Weeder
my dear - recooperation period can send you thru the ceiling - I know
you bite your tongue - sigh - close your eyes in frustation.
Find something Mother is interested in to keep her busy - mentally & chat chat chat... Actually would be good therapy for her..
With my experience I had to set rules/guidlines to co exist
sweetly chat, that it's been years since we lived together and I need ---- -- -..
My upmost concern is you etc. etc..
I have to be healthy too. etc. etc.
Your Mother's leg sounds like circulation & is weak - perhaps needs more concentration to move & then hesitate before pressure to stand.
How mobile is recommended - walking? exercises?
I know it's rough at times - demanding Keep her busy..
and Make A Day for Yourself (a couple hours)
to relax
this can be very depressing - don't allow it to be a huge black cloud.
I'm in the same scenario
Chat anytime..
Patsy
my dear - recooperation period can send you thru the ceiling - I know
you bite your tongue - sigh - close your eyes in frustation.
Find something Mother is interested in to keep her busy - mentally & chat chat chat... Actually would be good therapy for her..
With my experience I had to set rules/guidlines to co exist
sweetly chat, that it's been years since we lived together and I need ---- -- -..
My upmost concern is you etc. etc..
I have to be healthy too. etc. etc.
Your Mother's leg sounds like circulation & is weak - perhaps needs more concentration to move & then hesitate before pressure to stand.
How mobile is recommended - walking? exercises?
I know it's rough at times - demanding Keep her busy..
and Make A Day for Yourself (a couple hours)
to relax
this can be very depressing - don't allow it to be a huge black cloud.
I'm in the same scenario
Chat anytime..
Patsy