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Hi. I am new here. On April 24, 2005, I lost my husband and my twin girls (15 mos.) to a house fire. I was not at home. I blame myself everyday for not being there to rescue my girls and my man. Now at 22, I am all alone. Both of my parents are deceased and I am an only child. I am so lost and confused and angry. Can anyone offer me some guidance? I don't need pity-I get enough of that. Thank you.

Angels4me wrote: Hi. I am new here. On April 24, 2005, I lost my husband and my twin girls (15 mos.) to a house fire. I was not at home. I blame myself everyday for not being there to rescue my girls and my man. Now at 22, I am all alone. Both of my parents are deceased and I am an only child. I am so lost and confused and angry. Can anyone offer me some guidance? I don't need pity-I get enough of that. Thank you.


Well your not alone anymore cause we're always here in the Garden. I assume you have had counselling over your loss, so any thing that we say you have probably heard already. If you have no one to talk to to get things of your chest, you should find a grief and loss group as the people have been through what you are going through.

I hope we see you on line often, as having light hearted chit chat can take your mind of things, untill you are able to better focus and come to terms with what has happened, which may take some time.

Angels4me wrote: Hi. I am new here. On April 24, 2005, I lost my husband and my twin girls (15 mos.) to a house fire. I was not at home. I blame myself everyday for not being there to rescue my girls and my man. Now at 22, I am all alone. Both of my parents are deceased and I am an only child. I am so lost and confused and angry. Can anyone offer me some guidance? I don't need pity-I get enough of that. Thank you.
Okay, no pity.



Stand up & look at the mirror. That person looking at you must be your very best friend. She may not be now, but you can't get rid of her so you have to change her. That means praise when she deserves it, hugs when she needs it, and a kick in the pants when she starts wallowing in self-pity (that last one might be difficult unless you take yoga).



You have a huge wound that is very fresh; it will take a long time to heal. That can't be rushed; get professional help with your grief (I'm swallowing a whole paragraph because you don't want pity).



As good as best friends are, their never quite enough. Your family is gone; build another one. Appreciate the privilege of being able to interview for the different positions and be picky. Only allow family members you can respect and who will give it to you straight. These are the people to reinforce the weak areas of your very best friend, so at least a couple of them should be willing to kick you in the pants, should you be too stiff from yoga class to do it yourself.



Allow yourself to laugh. Allow yourself to love. Allow yourself to grieve.



Allow others to feel bad for you. Sometimes that's all they can offer.





There it is. This is a good place to heal. When you're ready, we'd love to hear stories of your parents, husband, & kids. :-6

Hello Angel. You should not blame yourself for something that is not your fault. It takes time for your heart to heal from such a devastating loss, come here to FG with all of us to talk about everything. Talking will help you some, and we will listen.

AC - such good advice, not sure what else to add!!!



Welcome to FG, Angel. You've come to the right place - there's plenty of support and friendship here. Hopefully it can help you heal, move on, or just take away your troubles. Feel free to vent, to chat or to ask our opinion. We are always willing to listen.



Welcome to the FG family!

Hey Angel...

Welcome to the gardens... lots of very cool people hanging around so jump in the pool and post away. nice to have you here...

have a great day....

You can blame yourself for a while. It’s allowed in the grieving process. You can’t go on blaming yourself though…that isn’t healthy. I think it is very important that you get counseling. A good counselor will be able to let you know if you are moving forward and healing or not. You really need that objective view. Without it you could easily slip into a very dangerous state of mind. I think Accountable’s advice is great.

Hi there and welcome you will love it here everyone is so nice.

Accountable wrote:

Allow yourself to laugh. Allow yourself to love. Allow yourself to grieve.






Accountable hit it on the nose. The quickest way to heal is to laugh, is to allow yourself to laugh. Grief is what it is and it never goes away, it just becomes easier to live with. Once you allow yourself to live again, that's when you allow yourself to heal. Losing someone you love does not mean you have to lose yourself. Grieve for them as often as you need to but live life again because there is no other option. I am sorry for your loss and cannot imagine what that must feel like, but we all loose those we love and we all have to go on. Best of luck to you and if I could give you the beats of my heart to help you heal, I would gladly share them with you.

Oh, and Far Rider fibs. . . I'm a lady and he has never flirted with me!:wah:

Stop blaming yourself............you had no responsibilty for the tragedy.

You will always remember them in your heart, but your life will go on. It is okay for that to happen. Give yourself some grieving time. How much is up to you, but don't let this keep you from living your life.

That said...I am giving you a cyberhug.

We may have just met you, but we do care about you.

hi angel .I'm very sorry to hear of your loss ' i too have lost my daughter a while ago but its still an open wound all these years later . my mum died not long after her and i bought my little girl up on my own as a single dad only to have her snatched away by her mom and i had no contact with her for ten years , then just 2 years ago my younger brother died in a house fire . like you i beat myself up every day with the if only's and the what if i'd of's try to put it out of your head deep down like me you know your not to blame but you have to blame some one and i usually blame myself try not to get into that train of thought its a bad place to be I often have to sit my sister down and talk to her for she blames herself also i know things are pretty bad right now but in time you will begin to feel better you never forget your loved ones but you learn to live on without them for if there is a heaven and they are looking down you owe it to them to try and make a life for your self . don't waste years of your life like i did living in the other planet where only people who have lost children live its a place where your not really alive like every one else its like being a living dead person no joy no laughter just going through your life dreading every morning . having night mares every night not wanting to die but hating being alive . i have no counseling training so the advice i give take or leave as you see fit . what i will say is dont lose years of your life to a bottle the answers are not there and when you finaly sober up your problems still are .. grief pain anger and sorrow are powerfull enemys .. i've only managed to fight them with being honest with yourself humour and a good heart maybe you can too take care from Jim read my other posts i do ramble on a bit but some where there may be a smile or 2 for you from a humorous look at a tragic life really but I'm happy now and one day you will be too i promise