Hunger and pain.
Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:10 pm
I wonder whether I might indulge myself in a thread. It's triggered by a strange series of posts today on weight and diet, the flow of which which I hesitate to interrupt.
A few days ago I posted a reasonably accurate description of my refusal of painkillers, in recent decades, during dental treatment, in someone else's thread entitled Novocane. That comes into my reason for this thread, too. I was assumed by several, on the strength of what I reported, to be a masochist, and I'd like to suggest that it's not an accurate description. Not defensively, just as a matter of interest.
Let me start with food. I have no recollection, at any stage in my life, of feeling hunger. Whatever typically triggers or recognises that sensation in most people, it's missing from me. I am aware of a knowledge of having an empty stomach, but there's no pain or upset or even concern associated with it, just the awareness if I focus my mind on the question. I know, at the moment, that I'm empty. What I feel now is no different to what I'd feel after two or three days of solely liquid intake. I tore a piece from a loaf of olive bread twelve hours ago, and I've had a couple of coffees since. That's the extent of my intake since yesterday. I eat for the enjoyment of eating, I usually eat in company, the right circumstances haven't come together today, they might tomorrow. I usually drink when I feel like drinking, but if I find my mouth dry then that's an indicator to me that I need to avoid dehydration, I'm passing a limit, I need something to drink. Cold, I stick to plain water. Hot, tea or coffee.
I note, and it interested me to discover this, that all but one of my children report the same sense, as far as hunger goes.
Now, the masochism. I've no idea, I've never tried it. I had an unfortunate experience with a dental injection, which resulted in a fear so intense that I refused any form of painkiller the next time I went to be drilled - anything, I decided, would be better than an injection, and I had no intention of allowing a general anaesthetic to be applied. I assumed and accepted that I would feel pain. What I discovered was that, so long as I stayed relaxed mentally and focused on the sensation, I could keep it dimmed to nothing, just the buzz of the drill grinding into the enamel and dentine. I'd assumed it would hurt, my dentist assumed it would hurt, we were both sufficiently interested in the actual experience that, once she agreed I needed nothing, that was it. No pain is mostly what I've had since. Masochists, I'm told, revel in pain. I'm far more interested in discovering that there's no level of pain that distresses me, at least as far as being drilled by a dentist goes. Even when pain suddenly sets in, it's never so strong that I can't bear it, and whatever I do that dims it out is quite quick in reasserting control. What it feels like is focusing on the pain and consciously turning down my perception of it. I've no idea what mechanism's involved, minds and bodies are far too complex for me to fathom.
A few days ago I posted a reasonably accurate description of my refusal of painkillers, in recent decades, during dental treatment, in someone else's thread entitled Novocane. That comes into my reason for this thread, too. I was assumed by several, on the strength of what I reported, to be a masochist, and I'd like to suggest that it's not an accurate description. Not defensively, just as a matter of interest.
Let me start with food. I have no recollection, at any stage in my life, of feeling hunger. Whatever typically triggers or recognises that sensation in most people, it's missing from me. I am aware of a knowledge of having an empty stomach, but there's no pain or upset or even concern associated with it, just the awareness if I focus my mind on the question. I know, at the moment, that I'm empty. What I feel now is no different to what I'd feel after two or three days of solely liquid intake. I tore a piece from a loaf of olive bread twelve hours ago, and I've had a couple of coffees since. That's the extent of my intake since yesterday. I eat for the enjoyment of eating, I usually eat in company, the right circumstances haven't come together today, they might tomorrow. I usually drink when I feel like drinking, but if I find my mouth dry then that's an indicator to me that I need to avoid dehydration, I'm passing a limit, I need something to drink. Cold, I stick to plain water. Hot, tea or coffee.
I note, and it interested me to discover this, that all but one of my children report the same sense, as far as hunger goes.
Now, the masochism. I've no idea, I've never tried it. I had an unfortunate experience with a dental injection, which resulted in a fear so intense that I refused any form of painkiller the next time I went to be drilled - anything, I decided, would be better than an injection, and I had no intention of allowing a general anaesthetic to be applied. I assumed and accepted that I would feel pain. What I discovered was that, so long as I stayed relaxed mentally and focused on the sensation, I could keep it dimmed to nothing, just the buzz of the drill grinding into the enamel and dentine. I'd assumed it would hurt, my dentist assumed it would hurt, we were both sufficiently interested in the actual experience that, once she agreed I needed nothing, that was it. No pain is mostly what I've had since. Masochists, I'm told, revel in pain. I'm far more interested in discovering that there's no level of pain that distresses me, at least as far as being drilled by a dentist goes. Even when pain suddenly sets in, it's never so strong that I can't bear it, and whatever I do that dims it out is quite quick in reasserting control. What it feels like is focusing on the pain and consciously turning down my perception of it. I've no idea what mechanism's involved, minds and bodies are far too complex for me to fathom.