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Well, I've decided that if I get reincarnated back to earth I want a fricken rule book next time. I mean, damn! Nobody told me how much harder second marriages are. Step kids, exes, more used to be relatives, more baggage...don't get me wrong. I love my husband, we are happy. But! It took years to work out all our differences . Me and the steps! I'm proud to say the majority actually call me mom now. And all the grandkids love me. I'm grandy Rhonda. Lol. .....just wish someone had told me how it is....doh!

I would have liked to have experienced the first.

It's all part of life's rich tapestry.

Bruv;1503486 wrote: It's all part of life's rich tapestry.
And I'm just one of the loose threads.

Guppers;1503460 wrote: Well, I've decided that if I get reincarnated back to earth I want a fricken rule book next time. I mean, damn! Nobody told me how much harder second marriages are. Step kids, exes, more used to be relatives, more baggage...don't get me wrong. I love my husband, we are happy. But! It took years to work out all our differences . Me and the steps! I'm proud to say the majority actually call me mom now. And all the grandkids love me. I'm grandy Rhonda. Lol. .....just wish someone had told me how it is....doh!


I have all of that with my first marriage but I wouldn't have it any other way

The children are my pride and joy and the grandchildren are the loves of my life - even if I am "grumpy Ed"

Guppers;1503460 wrote: Well, I've decided that if I get reincarnated back to earth I want a fricken rule book next time.


I’ve been born, and once is enough.

You dont remember, but I remember,

Once is enough.

Guppers;1503460 wrote: Well, I've decided that if I get reincarnated back to earth I want a fricken rule book next time.You were given one - it's called a cultural myth. It's just not always that easy to play along with.

I don't care for such conversation.

A woman runs a terrible risk.

spot;1503518 wrote: I don't care for such conversation.

A woman runs a terrible risk.


What's with all these fragments?

Bryn Mawr;1503521 wrote: What's with all these fragments?I believe he's asked me not to steer the conversation in the direction that my post suggested. He can correct me if that's incorrect.

Ahso!;1503523 wrote: I believe he's asked me not to steer the conversation in the direction that my post suggested. He can correct me if that's incorrect.


It's OK, it's his source I was questioning rather than his reason - although I do often question his reason

The two snips I used are among the most famous lines in English Literature, from T S Eliot's "Sweeney Agonistes". It's a bit like quoting "If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" and being expected to add (William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice) after the line.

Eliot was a dramatist who also happened to write some poetry, that's my opinion of his long-term impact. The poetry and the essays, coming first, had more influence at the time.

I do think there's a difference between taking obscure unpublished text without attribution, which is sinful, and using a quote which is blatantly not original and which would be recognized by just about any K10 student who still takes Eng Lit on their curriculum.

spot;1503530 wrote: The two snips I used are among the most famous lines in English Literature, from T S Eliot's "Sweeney Agonistes". It's a bit like quoting "If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" and being expected to add (William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice) after the line.

Eliot was a dramatist who also happened to write some poetry, that's my opinion of his long-term impact. The poetry and the essays, coming first, had more influence at the time.

I do think there's a difference between taking obscure unpublished text without attribution, which is sinful, and using a quote which is blatantly not original and which would be recognized by just about any K10 student who still takes Eng Lit on their curriculum.


Not a problem with lack of attribution, I just thought it was "Fragment of an Agon", hence my comment :-

T.S. Eliot – Fragment of an Agon | Genius

spot;1503530 wrote: The two snips I used are among the most famous lines in English Literature, from T S Eliot's "Sweeney Agonistes". It's a bit like quoting "If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" and being expected to add (William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice) after the line.

Eliot was a dramatist who also happened to write some poetry, that's my opinion of his long-term impact. The poetry and the essays, coming first, had more influence at the time.

I do think there's a difference between taking obscure unpublished text without attribution, which is sinful, and using a quote which is blatantly not original and which would be recognized by just about any K10 student who still takes Eng Lit on their curriculum.


Not a problem with lack of attribution, I just thought it was "Fragment of an Agon", hence my comment :-

T.S.�*Eliot – Fragment of an Agon | Genius

This just shows my lack of a literary education

My whole thing is... Where are all these older more experienced people that could have given me advice or warnings....for some reason I learn everything the hard way...

I'm glad I was wrong because I was half convinced spot had also referred to me as a woman.

Guppers;1503535 wrote: My whole thing is... Where are all these older more experienced people that could have given me advice or warnings....for some reason I learn everything the hard way...


c'mon. You wouldn't have listened to anybody but yourself anyway. That's my story!

Guppers

I had to laugh - I wouldn't get into a serious relationship if he had kids.

I tried that once and made it a rule never again..

that's a tough ladder to climb - congrats on making to the top.

good to see you back.



I'm dealing with the worse part of second marriages - control struggles over a frail family member - wow people come out of the woodwork. I let every one argue - scream & try to take - them I handed every one a document called P.O.A...

interesting every one went home - but there's always one in every family that continues to stick a thorn in me - took the wallet - checkbook documents.

it can get messy.

all's good - didn't mean to tell a story..:wah:

Patsy

Dang Patsy! You are scaring me! I'm so sorry to hear this. I won't be so smug about finally winning my step kids over. I guess when or if something happens to Barry I might see UGLY. All my steps are grown and married with kids of their own. Barry had open heart surgery back last January. Me and the girls stayed in a hotel in the hospital. Stuck together 24 hours a day for a week kinda bonded us. We had some really good times late at night being silly blowing off stress. I have decided that if I outlive Barry I won't remarry. It's way to hard to regroup as a family. All together we have ten kids.

That's some tough stuff to deal with Patsy.

My in-laws are going through a bunch of that now. A couple of them keep trying to bring me into the fray, but so far I have been able to dodge it all. The wife is not so lucky. But I am simply on her side, and staying out of it.

Gup - Lars

I didn't want to make a thread with my tough drama here - but it's horrible time right now.. My whole family is in the hospital. My hubby spent a week got home right before Thanksgiving. I took my sister in Tuesday and I took her hubby in on Wednesday.

This is where the second marriage drama started - when the daughter of hubby flew in Thursday and stayed in their house - the house is mine - they rent from me. She stayed 2 days to attend to her Dad - BS - she cleaned - took check book wallet documents. I stop in with my fresh grapefruit to collect important items & they're gone - she's not at the house.

I call - she won't pick up - I call Daddy's room - no pick up - ok game on.

She finally calls back & it was a different personality & I hung up on her. She left Saturday Morning - I go over to the house to collect my grapefruit - the guilty will try to tell me to stick it - & guess what the grapefruit was left with a nasty note to me.

I contacted her family siblings & demanded the property to be returned.

I'm going over to the house tomorrow to get the Titles of the vehicles - if those documents are missing I will file a Police report and it will be out of my hands & I won't care of the outcome. I'll do lost tile secure all funds etc. My sister & hubby will not be returning home - this thief is a nurse so she thinks she is in control - she has no authority - but there's one Bitch in every family.

Is call the police the right thing to do - or am I tooo emotional - I'm exhausted.

Patsy

Is it a matter of watching an estate being stripped bare, or is it someone else also trying to protect the assets?

Fixing the first might involve becoming a court-appointed guardian in order to have the authority to invoke police intervention.

If it's two people both trying to protect what's there then you might need an arbiter but it's far less of a crisis.

Thanks Spot

My sister & her hubby have nothing else to do but worry & hope to go home.

I believe the other half of the family has realized to stop the drama.

I have reassured my sister & hubby that everything will be the same at their home.

They know nothing of the undercurrent this individual has created. My sister has never trusted this individual & my sister calls with worry. Last call was the titles - yes, they were right where my sister said they would be - all is good.

I have a meeting at the hospital today for facility placement.

Don't even talk to me about Christmas - I'll cry.

Thanks for letting me unload

Patsy

Patsy, since you are power of attorney, then I would suggest asking a lawyer your best recourse.

Ah Guppers second time around is definitely different. At times if can feel like our partner is not entirely "ours".

I lucked out, I lost the idiocy and drama with the first.

Second husband has no parents, and some of his children have gone their own way. 1 has been a royal screw up and we made him go away lol. and the other is lovely and has the only grandbaby we see on his side.

Hang in there and take time to enjoy the simple things. its worth it in the end.

minks;1503750 wrote: Ah Guppers second time around is definitely different. At times if can feel like our partner is not entirely "ours".

I lucked out, I lost the idiocy and drama with the first.

Second husband has no parents, and some of his children have gone their own way. 1 has been a royal screw up and we made him go away lol. and the other is lovely and has the only grandbaby we see on his side.

Hang in there and take time to enjoy the simple things. its worth it in the end.


Doing good now Minks. Was just a hell of a ride the first few years. You are very lucky Minks.

Good to hear so much of it is growing pains isn't it.

minks;1503761 wrote: Good to hear so much of it is growing pains isn't it.


For real.

Well ive just been turned off getting married again.

magentaflame;1503802 wrote: Well ive just been turned off getting married again.


If I outlive Barry, I don't think I'll ever marry again....

Yeah im getting to the point now that i get a bit pissy when some bloke thinks i should 'change my ways' or i could do something a different way or better.

I dont think like a submissive 20 year old anymore.

I think twice was enough for me. Ex #1 tried to kill me. Ex #2 stole from me. Lots of stories about fiancé s, most of them bad.

I'm not sure whether I disapprove of families as a whole or just of marriage, but as for marriage itself I reckon it's an entirely negative concept from start to finish. It's part property and part slavery and anyone who wants a stable long-term relationship should avoid marriage like they'd avoid famine and war. Second marriages even more so, I'd have thought.

spot;1503870 wrote: I'm not sure whether I disapprove of families as a whole or just of marriage, but as for marriage itself I reckon it's an entirely negative concept from start to finish. It's part property and part slavery and anyone who wants a stable long-term relationship should avoid marriage like they'd avoid famine and war. Second marriages even more so, I'd have thought.


I had a great marriage. Many people do.

Then you are, I believe, in a small minority. I fully understand there are exceptions but they make a bad rule.

spot;1503880 wrote: Then you are, I believe, in a small minority. I fully understand there are exceptions but they make a bad rule.


The minority, I believe, is not THAT small. Of course, it took me three tries to find the right one, so what do I know.

spot;1503880 wrote: Then you are, I believe, in a small minority. I fully understand there are exceptions but they make a bad rule.


Wow, you don't get out enough, hey? Or maybe you're just too hard to please. I know of so many great marriages -- partners who fulfill each other, help each other grow, have good laughs together. You're seeing as you believe it to be.

AnneBoleyn;1503882 wrote: You're seeing as you believe it to be.


I think I could throw in divorce statistics as potentially supportive.

In the States, approximately 7 marriages per 1000 population take place each year.

Approximately 3.5 Divorces per 1000 population

So we can suppose that nearly half the marriages in the US are to some degree successful.

LarsMac;1503888 wrote: In the States, approximately 7 marriages per 1000 population take place each year.

Approximately 3.5 Divorces per 1000 population

So we can suppose that nearly half the marriages in the US are to some degree successful.


That doesn't follow at all. If you take a system which starts ON and then cycles through OFF to ON again, a lot will be ON when one party to a marriage dies but nothing implies that particular marriage was any different to all the preceding ones which ended in OFF through divorce.

The average British marriage which ends in divorce lasts just 11 years and six months. I bet the US has a similar figure.

spot;1503886 wrote: I think I could throw in divorce statistics as potentially supportive.


So can I...............

The Truth About The Divorce Rate Is Surprisingly Optimistic

"We’ve all heard that 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.

And while that disheartening stat continues to get tossed around, the divorce rate isn’t really at 50 percent — and it isn’t rising either. In fact, a new piece in the New York Times’ data blog Upshot suggests that the divorce rate has actually been dropping for some time now. Looking at the numbers, the Times suggests the high divorce rate of the late 1970s and early 1980s may have just been a “historical anomaly,” rather than a trend.

Below, a few of the most interesting tidbits from the Times:

About 70 percent of marriages that began in the 1990s reached their 15th anniversary, up from roughly 65 percent of those that began in the 1970s and 1980s. And couples who wed in the 2000s are divorcing at even lower rates."

The Truth About The Divorce Rate Is Surprisingly Optimistic | The Huffington Post

People who marry & remarry & remarry interest me. It used to be that only celebrities had multiple marriages, then it filtered down to the general public. Maybe we're just immature these days, fickle and looking for something that doesn't exist or some other psychological reason. Not speaking of abusive or cheating situations, of course.

AnneBoleyn;1503879 wrote: I had a great marriage. Many people do.


I've been married for over 37 years. We have a great time and actually enjoy each other. Neither of us has ever tried to change or control each other. We both do what we want when we want as long as it doesn't interfere with family obligations. My wife also works part time for me doing my books.

AnneBoleyn;1503890 wrote: Looking at the numbers, the Times suggests the high divorce rate of the late 1970s and early 1980s may have just been a “historical anomaly,” rather than a trend.


It's a historical anomaly because many people now have stable relationships without marriage, and back in the 70s and 80s that was far less pervasive. The corrosive to relationships is being married, not being in a relationship - exceptions agreed.

YZGI;1503891 wrote: I've been married for over 37 years. We have a great time and actually enjoy each other. Neither of us has ever tried to change or control each other. We both do what we want when we want as long as it doesn't interfere with family obligations. My wife also works part time for me doing my books.


Don't tell spot.

Corrosive relationship because?????

Dont mix romance and friendship wirh a protective economic contract.

If humans havent figured out by now that relationahips have an unbalanced security level then they are nuts. Once upon a rime a man could take a wife .....(another human being, with brains, prospects,and a future) and do what ever pleased him.......that inbalance has been sliwly rectified.

If this levelling out is seen as some kind if detriment to a relationshipthen bring it on. Its not about fickleness or boredom . Its about equality what ever a couple believes that ti be, but then turned upon.

Feelings arent juat hurt, a human being is treated as a submissive, a worker and not nit paet of the management. Remember laws levellng our this imbalance are new, and people have to adjust.

It's a damn sight easier just to reject the institution of marriage.

spot;1503892 wrote: The corrosive to relationships is being married, not being in a relationship - exceptions agreed.


You will have to explain why now.

A good relationship is good whether marriage is involved or not.

my folks have been married for 58 years.

first marriage and only marriage for both of them.

my grand parents married for 60 years,

aunt and uncle 64

my cousin 40 years

all with their original partner.

I come from hardy stock, or tolerant, or maybe oblivious

lol on my mom's side of the family. 5 out of 7 of us have divorced and remarried.

I have been married for 53 years and fully intend to attain diamond wedding status of 60 years and hopefully more ! I suppose the staying together thing has run in the family as my older brother never found any examples of divorce or separation when he was deeply involved with genealogy - such a fascinating and time consuming 'hobby'. He did, however, find a certain amount of criminality over 150 years ago and further back :wah:

G#Gill;1503926 wrote: I have been married for 53 years and fully intend to attain diamond wedding status of 60 years and hopefully more ! I suppose the staying together thing has run in the family as my older brother never found any examples of divorce or separation when he was deeply involved with genealogy - such a fascinating and time consuming 'hobby'. He did, however, find a certain amount of criminality over 150 years ago and further back :wah:


Hee hee, i think i know why they stayed married. Lol. "If you divorce me ill tell the coppers what you did." Lol