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I think this site is way too serious, unless of course that's the way everybody wants it to be. I'm for bringing humor/humour (notice I include the British type) and frivolity into every place I go. So if you've got a little extra of either, bring it on in.

Here's my offering for the day that sort of borders on frivolity: Friday night I was dancing the jitterbug to this song which got a standing ovation:

You need facebook for this one

flopstock;1494727 wrote: You need facebook for this one




Whoa!!

I bought 3 things yesterday; a t-shirt made in Nicaragua, a long-sleeved shirt made in Bangladesh and a pair of Levi's that didn't say where they were made. So I checked out the Levi Strauss site and learned some pretty disturbing facts and also that they no longer manufacture most of their clothing in the US. Boo! I look better in Levi's than other brands. Oh well, Levi's stadium opened in Santa Clara for the 49ers and it's gorgeous!

I was looking for an article I heard on our local radio about a thief who stole chicken and beef in Oklahoma City because he was a time traveler from the future and that was the way we would have to get those items in the future- steal them. I couldn't find it so I settled for this priceless video:

Their voices actually went higher after puberty

Click on the photo and skip ad.

Saw on Facebook that Angelina Jolie's favorite song was Sing, Sing, Sing because of the drums. Good choice! Jimmy Vincent was a fabulous drummer and a friend.

FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS:



TSA disclosed the following Airport Screening Results

December 2014 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From:

Terrorists Discovered...........................................................0

Transvestites .....................................................................133

Hernias ...........................................................................1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases ...........................................................3,172

Enlarged Prostates ..........................................................8,249

Breast Implants ............................................................59,350

Natural Blondes ....................................................................3



It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls at all.



Thought this might cause a bit of a giggle ! :yh_rotfl

:yh_rotflG#Gill;1494851 wrote: FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS:



TSA disclosed the following Airport Screening Results

December 2014 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From:

Terrorists Discovered...........................................................0

Transvestites .....................................................................133

Hernias ...........................................................................1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases ...........................................................3,172

Enlarged Prostates ..........................................................8,249

Breast Implants ............................................................59,350

Natural Blondes ....................................................................3



It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls at all.



Thought this might cause a bit of a giggle !


:yh_rotfl

I have a friend in Las Vegas who runs a site on the latest happenings in Glitter Gulch. In his report this morning:

"The first marijuana themed wedding chapel in Las Vegas opened on Wednesday. So if you get glaucoma at rock concerts, this is the place to be wed." :guitarist

This was on my favorite TV show yesterday:





Seeking: NYC tortoise walker

See if this is better:

Can't be viewed from my location, but I like the sound of it.

I got my mate, Ebe, a job as a Dog Sitter. This was his 1st day. Don't know how he did yet. Ideal for him really. Disabled, mainly wheelchair bound. Just needs to sit there & keep them company & open the door to the garden for them from time to time. His main problem, though, seems to be that he feels he needs to get some rubber gloves because of the slobber on the dogs balls. I told him the dogs wouldn't mind in the slightest, but he didn't get it.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Cokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in.... And then the trouble started.







:yh_rotfl

G#Gill;1495034 wrote: With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Cokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in.... And then the trouble started.







:yh_rotfl


:yh_rotfl You had me going for a minute.

WHY PARENTS DRINK



The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' ' Yes .'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No .'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman '.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy ', whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, ' The search team just landed a helicopter .'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... ' ME .'

ZAP;1495036 wrote: :yh_rotfl You had me going for a minute.


Agreed, ZAP!! Great one, Gill!!!!!!!!!!

You are on a roll today Gilly

G#Gill;1495041 wrote: WHY PARENTS DRINK



The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' ' Yes .'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No .'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman '.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy ', whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, ' The search team just landed a helicopter .'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... ' ME .'


:wah: That IS cute!

I've just been checking through my memory stick and keep coming across some quite funny jokes and cartoons ! So I thought they might bring a bit of a smile. :wah: Glad you've enjoyed them, I'll have another look tomorrow or later this week !

It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so true



Julie Andrews turned 69 - To commemorate her 69th birthday in October,

actress/ vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at

Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP (American

Association of Retired Persons). One of the musical numbers she

performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of

Music.' Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string.

These are a few of my favourite things.

______________

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,

Polident an Fixodent and false teeth in glasses.

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings.

These are a few of my favourite things.

______________

When the pipes leak,

When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad

I simply remember my favourite things,

Then I don't feel...............so......bad.

______________

Hot tea and crumpets and com pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions.

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring.

These are a few of my favourite things.

______________

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favourite things.

______________

When the joints ache,

When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim.

Then I remember the great life I've had,

Then I don't feel.............. so...... bad.

______________



I BET YOU PUT THAT TO MUSIC !

( Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over 4 minutes and repeated encores )

Better than the original.

I thought so too, Bruv - quite funny. Gave me a bit of a titter anyway ! :yh_giggle

SPANISH COMPUTER .....................



A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your wages on accessories for it.

THIS GETS BETTER!

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

who won ?

a clue - the teacher was a ?





:wah:

G#Gill;1495142 wrote: SPANISH COMPUTER .....................



A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your wages on accessories for it.

THIS GETS BETTER!

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

who won ?

a clue - the teacher was a ?





:wah:


:-3



Well, she wasn't a he.

Thanks, Gilly. That was funny

Thank you Lars, I thought it was quite funny too and thought others would enjoy it. :wah:

G#Gill;1495151 wrote: Thank you Lars, I thought it was quite funny too and thought others would enjoy it. :wah:


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl So true!!

I have many Italian friends and here are a couple of jokes that they laugh at just as hard as I do:

Q: What is a four-letter word in Italian for goodbye?

A: "BANG"! ('Embellish' this by pointing your forefinger like a gun)



Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?

A: A pastatute.

Q: How does every Italian joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.



Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Italian beauty contest?

A: Me neither.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

A: He pasta way.

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

I got this this morning. I think I saw it or another version of it before.

She Emailed Tech Support Complaining About Her Husband. The Reply She Got Is Genius

I'll be going to Las Vegas next month and taking my cousins on a sightseeing tour which will include Bellagio's conservatory, of course and the lobby ceiling.

bellagio lobby ceiling - Yahoo Image Search Results

ZAP;1495925 wrote: I'll be going to Las Vegas next month and taking my cousins on a sightseeing tour which will include Bellagio's conservatory, of course and the lobby ceiling.




Thanks for reminding me that it has been far too long since I visited the quiet little hamlet of Las Vegas.

ZAP;1495909 wrote: I got this this morning. I think I saw it or another version of it before.

She Emailed Tech Support Complaining About Her Husband. The Reply She Got Is Genius


I saw this somewhere else a few years ago, and it is still very funny and clever ! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Wandrin;1495927 wrote: Thanks for reminding me that it has been far too long since I visited the quiet little hamlet of Las Vegas.


Hey! Come on over--join our party! :guitarist

I go 6-8 times a year, so let me know.

My daughters are always putting things on FB-this morning was Find out if you're going to Heaven or Hell. It wouldn't do me, so I went to another 'Find out' what my destiny is. Also what my name means in Egyptian hieroglyphics: Falcon.

Destiny:

Luck-99%

Health-83%

Married at 31-wrong (I was married at 15)

3 kids-right

Billionaire--not yet

Jaguar-correct

Married at fifteen ? Is that legal ?

Bruv;1495970 wrote: Married at fifteen ? Is that legal ?


In Kansas I had to have consent of a parent or guardian.

ZAP;1495974 wrote: In Kansas I had to have consent of a parent or guardian.


I was married 2 days after my 18th, mine lasted 20 years, how long did your one last ?......if you don't mind me asking

Bruv;1495975 wrote: I was married 2 days after my 18th, mine lasted 20 years, how long did your one last ?......if you don't mind me asking


The first one lasted 1 month short of 9 years. It was final on Valentine's Day. I bewared . . .bewore . . .whatever, the Ides of March and it still didn't work!

I doubt anyone really takes the FaceBook ones seriously. They're mainly a batch of random figures generated to raise hit ratings for spamming - although in far better taste than the stolen pics of sick babies / animals that tell you to type "Amen" or suffer 7 years of bad luck, etc.

If you want a REAL, scientifically based one, you should try the Buzz test (Take the Buzz quiz – icould). We used to use it with great accuracy at the National Careers Service. It's a simple, but fun Psychometric Test.

(I'm a Polar Bear, by the way).

FourPart;1495981 wrote: I doubt anyone really takes the FaceBook ones seriously. They're mainly a batch of random figures generated to raise hit ratings for spamming - although in far better taste than the stolen pics of sick babies / animals that tell you to type "Amen" or suffer 7 years of bad luck, etc.

If you want a REAL, scientifically based one, you should try the Buzz test (Take the Buzz quiz – icould). We used to use it with great accuracy at the National Careers Service. It's a simple, but fun Psychometric Test.

(I'm a Polar Bear, by the way).


I agree with your assessment Four Part and I don't do those things but I was really curious about what they would say about the Heaven or Hell thing. Do you suppose the fact that it didn't predict for me means that I'm going to spend eternity in Limbo?

Oh and thanks for that link--I'll check it out.

ZAP;1495988 wrote: I agree with your assessment Four Part and I don't do those things but I was really curious about what they would say about the Heaven or Hell thing. Do you suppose the fact that it didn't predict for me means that I'm going to spend eternity in Limbo?

Oh and thanks for that link--I'll check it out.


When they first introduced the test to us it was done as a presentation & everyone had to write down a letter, depending on their answers. At the end on the questions the presenter went through the answers, using a 4 x 4 analog grid. He then got everyone of certain categories to stand up. Sure enough, for each one that came up, the vast majority of those in each category of job roles stood up together. For instance, those (as with me) who are Admin related come up as Bears, whereas Advisers, who deal face to face with the public would come up in the Fish category, and outgoing frontliners would come across as Birds, etc.

I'm a Seahorse !

I am a Polar Bear also.

Polar Bear here, think I am more a Teddy Bear myself.k

G#Gill;1495996 wrote: I'm a Seahorse !


Seahorses tend to be people people. Typically the sort who deal face to face with the public, but at the same time being able to maintain a degree of control.

ZAP;1495998 wrote: I am a Polar Bear also.


As with myself. Polar Bears are administrators. Determined & methodical.

Bruv;1496000 wrote: Polar Bear here, think I am more a Teddy Bear myself.k


Teddy Bears are the more assertive of the Admin types. The type that will take ownership of a task.

You're a Koala bear!

Motto: I get on with it quietly

Myers-Briggs personality type: ISFJ

14 percent of the UK population are Koalas.

Koalas are popular and warm animals. They like the safety of their eucalyptus trees; ISFJs like the security and safety of their families, being loyal and caring to those around them. Koalas have strong muscles around their pouch to protect their young; ISFJs can also be strong and determined to protect what they believe in.

Polar Bears:

You're a Polar bear!

Motto: I know exactly what I'm doing



Myers-Briggs personality type: ISTJ



14 percent of the UK population are Polar bears.

Polar bears are strong and determined. They are at the top of their food chain and, like ISTJs, they can enjoy being the boss. To hunt for food, they have to learn and perfect their skills. ISTJs also like to perfect their skills and then use them throughout their life. Polar bears can spend a lot of time on their own and be perfectly happy while in their own company

As children: (Certainly true of me)

Intense and serious, Polar bears are trying to make sense of their world. They prefer solitary interests that require precision and skill rather than team games and hobbies.

Polar bears value routine and structure and like to learn by being shown and correcting privately. They are keen to research and gain knowledge on subjects in detail, often becoming an expert in the things that they learn.

As young people:

Often more adult than many of the adults around them! They value their independence, privacy and personal space. They're dependable, loyal and responsible.

I would dispute this: As a boyfriend/girlfriend

They're usually more practical, loyal and sensible than romantic and spontaneous.

So this says 14% in the UK. What is the percentage in the U.S.?