Unintentionally Funny Medical Transcripts From Hospitals
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2016 2:57 pm
These are actual medical transcripts from hospitals :
The patient is here with a rash which I sent to Dr. Smith .
Patient is a prime rib .
Patient has abnormal lover function .
Despite treatment, the patient improved .
Rectal exam reveals a normal sized thyroid .
Patient has very close veins .
On exam, he has cigarettes in his pocket .
The patient has pain after intercourse in his chest .
The patient slipped on the porch when she went out to feed the birds and broke her
ankle . The birds were not injured .
History and physical : Mrs. Blank is a 64 year old black widow .
The patient was placed under the microscope .
The barium enema on the phone was within normal limits .
The child will probably be shorter than what he wants to be, but he should have picked
different parents .
The patient said that she was too sick to be in the hospital but would come back when she felt better .
While in the examine room, she was examined , X-rated and sent home .
She is numb from her toes down .
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles .
She stated that she had been constipated until 1989 when she got a divorce .
The patient was to have a bowel resection, but took a job as a stockbroker instead .
The patient lives with his mother, father, and a pet turtle who is currently enrolled in
day care three days a week .
:wah: :wah: :wah:
The patient is here with a rash which I sent to Dr. Smith .
Patient is a prime rib .
Patient has abnormal lover function .
Despite treatment, the patient improved .
Rectal exam reveals a normal sized thyroid .
Patient has very close veins .
On exam, he has cigarettes in his pocket .
The patient has pain after intercourse in his chest .
The patient slipped on the porch when she went out to feed the birds and broke her
ankle . The birds were not injured .
History and physical : Mrs. Blank is a 64 year old black widow .
The patient was placed under the microscope .
The barium enema on the phone was within normal limits .
The child will probably be shorter than what he wants to be, but he should have picked
different parents .
The patient said that she was too sick to be in the hospital but would come back when she felt better .
While in the examine room, she was examined , X-rated and sent home .
She is numb from her toes down .
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles .
She stated that she had been constipated until 1989 when she got a divorce .
The patient was to have a bowel resection, but took a job as a stockbroker instead .
The patient lives with his mother, father, and a pet turtle who is currently enrolled in
day care three days a week .
:wah: :wah: :wah: