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Being an atheist, when my life force leaves my body I obviously do not want a “traditional” (if that’s the correct word) funeral in a church. I read somewhere once that there are three rules about funerals. They are:

1. For the living.

2. For the living.

3. For the living.

Funerals are for those left behind; where people who haven’t even give you a thought for years, gather together to tell white lies about what a great person you were. Then most of them can’t wait to get back to whatever they were doing before you died.

So I don’t give a stuff what the neighbours might think … there’s going to be no hypocrisy in my death.

My close family are aware of this and will respect my wishes, but just in case I've made it a provision in my will.

The earth has suffered enough abuse at the hands of earthlings so I do not want to be buried in the ground and waste even more of it by adding some rotting flesh. So I have opted to be cremated and my ashes scattered in a special spot.

After this has been done those who loved/respected/knew me can gather at a beach, a pub, a home or a garden where they can celebrate my life in any way they want. Just as long as there’s plenty of ice cold Champagne and beer on tap!

Or as John Prine said:

“Please don't bury me

Down in that cold cold ground

No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up

And pass me all around

Throw my brain in a hurricane

And the blind can have my eyes

And the deaf can take both of my ears

If they don't mind the size

Give my stomach to Milwaukee

If they run out of beer

Put my socks in a cedar box

Just get "em" out of here

Venus de Milo can have my arms

Look out! I've got your nose

Sell my heart to the junkman

And give my love to Rose.

Give my feet to the footloose

Careless, fancy free

Give my knees to the needy

Don't pull that stuff on me

Hand me down my walking cane

It's a sin to tell a lie

Send my mouth way down south

And kiss my ass goodbye

That's what i've been saying for years. When I die, celebrate my life!

My mum still wants to make a video of herself for her funeral which will contain something like:

Neighbours, if you are attending my funeral, F off. I never liked you, you never liked me so bugger off.

+ same message all the other people she doesn't like. :wah:

She has picked her music and everything, my brother and I know where she keeps this info and will make sure it's done the way she wants it to be.

Myself; I have picked everything from the card thingies, to the car well in my case it will be by motorbike, food and drinks, music, flowers and everything else. So I have had my funeral set up since about 7 years ago (when I turned 18) <- oh and this has been done now by an online program that has been made available by my insurance.

I don't really care what happens to me after I go. Like you said, all that is for the living. They can plant me out back in the perennial garden, or drop me off on the side of a highway, somewhere. Makes me no nevermind.

I don't know how much of me will be left when I die to be honest. I'm a donor, so..

And I did arrange via that same insurance that a tree will be planted, and my ashes scattered by that tree.

At least the rest of the humans wont die of a lack of oxygen that way ! :wah:

* and at least this way (of me organising it beforehand) it means I wont have a stuffy dutch funeral..

I went to 2 in the last couple of years.. I think everybody just came for the free food... ? ....

I'm not going! :yh_ghost

It's that simple.

Jj.....honestly I'm upset with you. It seems like every few days you are putting some post on here about being an atheist. Knowing how much I have always thought of you it really upsets me at the thought of you dying because as a Christian I know what my teachings have always said happens to people who don't believe when they die. Just the thought of it tears me up and it seems like you are constantly putting something on here to remind me of it. I'm sorry for all of this but I'm very emotional at the moment so I'm going. See you all some other time maybe.:-1

Hope6;1448569 wrote: Jj.....honestly I'm upset with you. It seems like every few days you are putting some post on here about being an atheist. Knowing how much I have always thought of you it really upsets me at the thought of you dying because as a Christian I know what my teachings have always said happens to people who don't believe when they die. Just the thought of it tears me up and it seems like you are constantly putting something on here to remind me of it. I'm sorry for all of this but I'm very emotional at the moment so I'm going. See you all some other time maybe.:-1


I can't help it my dear cos I yam what I yam as one popeyed sailor boy said ...

Sorry.....but.................you couldn't make it up.

Hmmmm. JJ, I'm much the same.

But I do like the idea of being put in a fireworks canister and sent into the heavens to explode over everyone in a pretty way. That way everyone who ever wanted a piece of me will get their wish lol

fuzzywuzzy;1448630 wrote: Hmmmm. JJ, I'm much the same.

But I do like the idea of being put in a fireworks canister and sent into the heavens to explode over everyone in a pretty way. That way everyone who ever wanted a piece of me will get their wish lol


Excellent way to get a bit of you Fuzz!

I just figure it's my way of making people happy one last time as I fall into their latte's ............ but knowing my luck I'd cop a wind and end up in New Zealand. Again that wouldn't be a bad prospect either. lol lol lol

My husband has planned his funeral even to the point of a list of people he wants me to keep away :wah:

He's organised an eco funeral with a cardboard coffin.

I am under Instructions, there Is to be no fuss. However, there will be Vol-U-Vonts.

oscar;1448642 wrote: My husband has planned his funeral even to the point of a list of people he wants me to keep away :wah:

He's organised an eco funeral with a cardboard coffin.

I am under Instructions, there Is to be no fuss. However, there will be Vol-U-Vonts.


Thats what I want. A cardboard coffin. Pink Floyd's Great Gig in the Sky.

Vol au vonts, I hope, will be optional. But definitely a few beers

Snowfire;1448650 wrote: Thats what I want. A cardboard coffin. Pink Floyd's Great Gig in the Sky.

Vol au vonts, I hope, will be optional. But definitely a few beers You can have them as fancy or plain as you like... fraction of the cost.

Cardboard coffins for green, eco or environmentally-friendly funerals

I was at an irish wake last year. very sad but also a tremendous celebrations of someone life much better than the po faced solemnity of most funerals. Freaked out some of the relatives though not all being of scots irish descent they kind of didn't get it.

oscar;1448651 wrote: You can have them as fancy or plain as you like... fraction of the cost.

Cardboard coffins for green, eco or environmentally-friendly funerals


I was thinking more along the lines of the cardboard box that the fridge freezers come in and a roll of gaffer tape

Snowfire;1448668 wrote: I was thinking more along the lines of the cardboard box that the fridge freezers come in and a roll of gaffer tape


And ' Tarrah chuck ' scribbled In crayon on the box.

oscar;1448670 wrote: And ' Tarrah chuck ' scribbled In crayon on the box.


Gawd Blimey ! Nuffink quite so Norvern

fuzzywuzzy;1448630 wrote: Hmmmm. JJ, I'm much the same.

But I do like the idea of being put in a fireworks canister and sent into the heavens to explode over everyone in a pretty way. That way everyone who ever wanted a piece of me will get their wish lol


fuzzy I didn't know such an option existed! What a wonderful idea :guitarist

I believe Life goes on and then there is more!

Bruv;1448627 wrote: Sorry.....but.................you couldn't make it up.


Just wondering....was there a thought behind this? :-3

oscar;1448651 wrote: You can have them as fancy or plain as you like... fraction of the cost.

Cardboard coffins for green, eco or environmentally-friendly funerals


Interesting....never knew these existed either.

I reckon I never gave much thought to my burial...I just hope the passing is over quickly.

Personally I don't see much use for burying remains. We are who we are in living and in dying we just move to another level of awareness. The shell we leave behind is pretty much worthless at that point.

Hope6;1448569 wrote: Jj.....honestly I'm upset with you. It seems like every few days you are putting some post on here about being an atheist. Knowing how much I have always thought of you it really upsets me at the thought of you dying because as a Christian I know what my teachings have always said happens to people who don't believe when they die. Just the thought of it tears me up and it seems like you are constantly putting something on here to remind me of it. I'm sorry for all of this but I'm very emotional at the moment so I'm going. See you all some other time maybe.:-1


jones jones;1448613 wrote: I can't help it my dear cos I yam what I yam as one popeyed sailor boy said ...


Lady J;1448694 wrote: Just wondering....was there a thought behind this? :-3


There is always a thought behind my comments.........I found this...........amusing.

Lady J;1448695 wrote: Interesting....never knew these existed either.

I reckon I never gave much thought to my burial...I just hope the passing is over quickly.

Personally I don't see much use for burying remains. We are who we are in living and in dying we just move to another level of awareness. The shell we leave behind is pretty much worthless at that point.


You can even have a whicker coffin now. As my husband Insists on being cremated and I can see the logic of why spend £2,000 on a casket you're about to set fire to, then the money can be put to better use. He said he'd rather me spend It at the races and enjoy myself than give It to the undertakers.

OKAY THAT IS IT!!! The issue of your soul going to hell, is a very sad and very serious one to me and you respond with a joke?????? and don't give me all that I am what I am stuff either. It's not what you are it's what you choose to be! You're on here all the time saying I'm an atheist, I'm an atheist, like it's something to be proud of. To me it's one of the saddest things I can imagine. It wouldn't upset me so badly except for the affection I have for you.....but man you make it hard sometimes!!!

Best I keep schtum.

Bruv;1448728 wrote: Best I keep schtum.


Indeed, me too!!

My sister and I discussed some funeral arrangement bits with our Mum the other week. My sis is dating a funeral director which is why the subject came up. Anyway we told Mum we would put her in cardboard and give everyone a pen to write a goodbye message to her. Once that is done we were going to take her out into the countryside and 'trash the coffin', we saw someone do this to their wedding dress recently and the result was stunning, not the actual dress but this is the general idea

314/366, via Flickr. | Trash the dress Ideas | Pinterest

We worried we'll get people thinking we're not very caring if we 'trash the coffin', Mum laughed her socks off and said 'its to be a celebration, do what you like I won't be here' :wah: