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Suresh started a thread this morning about "meaness in girls". i want to know why if a female is aggressive it's "bad" and if a male is, it's admirable? ladies give me your thoughts please! are you a sweet quiet type? there's nothing wrong with that. but what if you're a warrior type? an amazon? does it make you less feminine? i think it takes one hell of a man to engage a warrior-type female. and bring out her femininity.

I'm normally very sweet and feminine. I can take a lot, but when pushed too far, I will not hesitate to say exactly what I think. A few years ago, I worked in a very rough bar. I would not hesitate to throw people out for fighting. There would be all 5', 98# of me, throwing out guys 6'+. Most of them told me they would rather make anyone mad but me. First of all, because they liked me and felt bad for causing trouble, and secondly, because they thought I was crazy not being afraid. LOL

I'm very laid back and it usually takes a lot to get me in an aggressive state. I don't mind speaking my mind when its nessecary. I've only ever become aggressive a few times in my life and that's been in circumstances when I've felt threatened. One time was about 8 weeks ago when a van driver was driving on the wrong side of the road and hit my car head on. My baby niece was with me at the time. His attitude was crap and I flew for him and pinned him against his van and my mother had to drag me off him Not proud of it but it needed to be done.

I work with a woman who has an aggressive nature and whether or not its because of that, she's not popular at all. If she's asked a question or told she has done something wrong, she jumps right down your throat before getting her facts straight. And she's very aggressively defensive. Its a shame because on one hand she's bubbly and outgoing and the next she's off on one.

In the industry I work in its still treated as 'a man's world'. You don't come across a lot of women. But I don't feel the need to be like my colleague is. the blokes I work with treat me with respect as I do with them. But don't get me wrong if they need telling they get told, but in a certain manner not one where they feel I'm going to beat them with a stapler!

I don't find 'un-nessecary aggressiveness' attractive in males or females.

Three little letters changed me from being a warrior , H.R.T...:wah:

I've had a sink or swim kind of life. I've always had to defend myself and fend for myself. As a result I've been told I'm difficult to love. When asked for reasons: I didn't need the men to take care of me.

I used to be assaulted by a boy who lived down the street on a daily basis. He attacked me on my own front lawn and no one did anything to stop it. They just walked away. He attacked me walking home from school...jumped off his bike, knocked me to the ground and started strangling me. Before I blacked out I bit his arm. I got in trouble for biting. Yup.

Now extend this to every other aspect of my life. No one is ever going to rescue me. I haven't had the 'luxury' of being a soft feminine girl. I would probably not be alive today.

my husband says i am too easy on people and then says too stern? it depends on the situation, i am normally fair and let much go by. i usually feel the one with the problem starts the trouble? otherwise i keep to myself and stand by my family and my own problems. I would have to say i am a non-aggressive person but will comment to the point of p*****someone off. No, not a fighter. a defender but not a fighter, walk on by....bye.bye.

originally from suressh's post

A Brigham Young University study has found that meanness in girls can start when they are still toddlers. The study has found that girls as young as three or four will use manipulation and peer pressure to get what they want.

Craig Hart, study co-author and professor of marriage, family and human development at BYU has said that, " It could range from leaving someone out to telling their friends not to play with someone to saying, 'I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party..... Some kids are really adept at being mean and nasty.

"The "Mean Girls" are highly liked by some and strongly disliked by others. They are socially skilled and popular but can be manipulative and subversive if necessary. They are feared and respected.

The study is the first to link relational aggression and social status in preschoolers.




What a load of cobblers. What toddler isn't manipulative to get what they want male or female. It's normal human behaviour, nor is it the first study of it's kind this kind or research has been going on for years. Just do a simple search under preschool aggression to see what I mean. here's just a couple in five seconds search.

http://salmon.psy.plym.ac.uk/year1/sexd ... 20overview

http://www.bbsonline.org/documents/a/00 ... pbell.html

http://www.blackwellpublishing.com/seri ... j=S&site=1

How does aggression in a male become meanness in a female? When does it tuirn in to bitchiness? Are they suggesting the behaviour is abnormal or something.

It's bad enough if kids get labelled in the first place let's start before they go to school, throw a tantrum and you're condemned for life.

Many men are intimidated by self confident assertive women, pretending it's not normal makes them feel better. This study proves bugger all. and no I am not female and despite what you may have heard a kilt is not the outward manifestation of a secret desire to wear a dress. That's good actually next time I meet a teuchter I might use it to see the reaction.

Not aggressive here...unless you catch me on a really bad day.

Great topic, LC!

I think aggressiveness, assertiveness, meanness, bitchiness, all of it, has to do with your lifestyle along with your job. I chose a life among bikers, which requires that I be strong-willed, assertive, aggressive and sometimes downright mean. Respect among my group is earned, never given easily, and people are tested frequently. Men and women alike.

I also work in a bar which requires a lot of confidence and assertiveness.

So, while all these attributes may be considered strange or wrong by some, they are a neccessity in my life. I wouldn't change my lifestyle for the world.

lady cop wrote: Suresh started a thread this morning about "meaness in girls". i want to know why if a female is aggressive it's "bad" and if a male is, it's admirable? ladies give me your thoughts please! are you a sweet quiet type? there's nothing wrong with that. but what if you're a warrior type? an amazon? does it make you less feminine? i think it takes one hell of a man to engage a warrior-type female. and bring out her femininity.


I dunno if it maybe is a misconception, maybe not mean maybe only aggressive, and maybe folks see it as a bad thing because all the years of female oppression is finally ending and females are "coming out" like gang busters. And maybe because females can finally stand up for themselves they are being seen as mean and maybe we just don't have our aggressive behaviours refined yet.

Is it unfemanine to be aggressive, not necessarily because it comes in every form and often times necessary. Is it unfemanine to be mean, not necessarily. I think all females have mean streaks in them. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.... Then we can talk about mean.

posted by GMC>>Many men are intimidated by self confident assertive women, pretending it's not normal makes them feel better. This study proves bugger all. and no I am not female and despite what you may have heard a kilt is not the outward manifestation of a secret desire to wear a dress. That's good actually next time I meet a teacher I might use it to see the reaction. well for one, my man in a kilt is nothing less than sexy and gorgeous. and masculine as hell. but GMC speaks the truth, some men can't cope with a strong lady. but those who can are REAL men in my eyes. i have to work with 450 very macho testosterone-overloaded male police officers. and i better be able to hold my own and be a reliable backup. not some prissy missy. but oh, when the work day is over i can put on a dress and makeup with the best. only difference is i have a 9mm in my stocking.

lady cop wrote: posted by GMC>>Many men are intimidated by self confident assertive women, pretending it's not normal makes them feel better. This study proves bugger all. and no I am not female and despite what you may have heard a kilt is not the outward manifestation of a secret desire to wear a dress. That's good actually next time I meet a teacher I might use it to see the reaction. well for one, my man in a kilt is nothing less than sexy and gorgeous. and masculine as hell. but GMC speaks the truth, some men can't cope with a strong lady. but those who can are REAL men in my eyes. i have to work with 450 very macho testosterone-overloaded male police officers. and i better be able to hold my own and be a reliable backup. not some prissy missy. but oh, when the work day is over i can put on a dress and makeup with the best. only difference is i have a 9mm in my stocking.


Males were raised to be the aggressors and now it is unfamiliar territory to them to see an aggressive female. I say in time they will settle down.

minks wrote: Males were raised to be the aggressors and now it is unfamiliar territory to them to see an aggressive female. I say in time they will settle down.some of them LIKE it.

well in the compitent way I know many a male who likes a confident woman, as for a dominate female well that is personal opinion I guess tee hee hee

I'm lucky, I guess. I was raised to be confident and stand up for myself. Any person, male or female who can't deal with that, can go blow.

And Minks, they may settle down, it'll just take a million or so years of evolution for that to happen! :yh_bigsmi

lady cop wrote: Suresh started a thread this morning about "meaness in girls". i want to know why if a female is aggressive it's "bad" and if a male is, it's admirable? ladies give me your thoughts please! are you a sweet quiet type? there's nothing wrong with that. but what if you're a warrior type? an amazon? does it make you less feminine? i think it takes one hell of a man to engage a warrior-type female. and bring out her femininity.


Many men have called me aggressive. Many women have called me assertive. I have NEVER heard a woman call me aggressive. This is my point in its entirety. I have only met a handful of men in my life who could handle my assertiveness and I have to tell you that our relationships were the best I've ever had. WHY do you ask? Because most men want cow-towed women and any one of us who happens to be the warrior type Amazon woman you speak of is always labeled aggressive by men who feel threatened. OHHHH don't get me started on this subject - if I'm aggressive, then a lot of men I've met are Momma's boys and I don't want anything to do with them.

perhaps i should have titled this assertive as opposed to aggressive. but it does apply. i DO hear you! i think it takes a very confident man to enjoy a very strong woman. my sweetheart loves that facet of my persona, and he is a strong brilliant former paratrooper. doesn't feel threatened at all, or need to control. so i have complete and total respect for him.

Interesting stuff Amazons and warrior women....Maybe the causes for battle should be looked at, too. I doubt that many men would be horrified at a woman who assertively, even aggressively, defends her children (for example). But if the same woman assertively defends something like her career freedoms/choices and this career was her priority before her family...well, I could see why men would be put off by it. I'm put off by it in men who do the same thing. Fair enough, eh?



I'm not saying women shouldn't have careers. I'm saying that family/people are more important than jobs, in my view.



As for my opinion on it all, I don't think that being a strong woman means that you have to be antagonistic/mean, or act with less femininity (whatever the heck that is!). I'm self-confident in most areas. I feel no need to defend or fight my way through. I pretty much know myself, and if I'm not into a particular idea, I flat out won't do it. I don't need to argue, raise my voice, or even get mad. No is no.



Not sure if that makes sense.

I liked your reply - we Amazon women seem to be women who can "hold our own" in the working world. I started working when women didn't have a chance to advance (I'm 50 now) and I've seen us come farther in soooooo many areas. My struggle was with being called aggressive - I always told my daughter ---- you are assertive - not aggressive ---- don't let anyone tell you any different - especially a male supervisor.

I agree

I'm a tad maladaptive in that I get turned on when a gal is upset.

One time my wife got mad enough to actually hit me.

So agression can be a turn on. Thus not always bad.

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941A

lady cop wrote: Suresh started a thread this morning about "meaness in girls". i want to know why if a female is aggressive it's "bad" and if a male is, it's admirable? ladies give me your thoughts please! are you a sweet quiet type? there's nothing wrong with that. but what if you're a warrior type? an amazon? does it make you less feminine? i think it takes one hell of a man to engage a warrior-type female. and bring out her femininity.


When I think of agressiveness I think of a physical movement, stance or gesture. Assertivness, I think of as verbal with out much physical movement , stance or gesture. I like assertiveness in females, but dislike agression unless in a sporting or self protection environment.

Lon wrote: When I think of agressiveness I think of a physical movement, stance or gesture. Assertivness, I think of as verbal with out much physical movement , stance or gesture. I like assertiveness in females, but dislike agression unless in a sporting or self protection environment.as well as the protection of the public at large.

Why does society look down on aggressiveness in women?

Simple...it's because when women get aggressive, they go completely, totally PSYCHOPATHIC!!

I've jumped right in the middle of guy fights before and shut them down instantly. But just trying to get in the middle of a girl fight is like trying to shut down a mosh pit at a Metallica concert.

One girl this year even threw my back out!

I am agressive and assertive. Like Koan. I have had to be. Sole supporter of my family.. I became the bread winner years ago and had to stand up for myself and my rights regarding equal pay etc,,,, every step of the way. I have always found strong women very appealing. I do not think that helpless is particuarly feminine. Unfortunately. most men do not agree,,, so I have lost in love many times. I cannot defer decision making to a man. I have always made my own decisions, I like it that way, and I have never trusted any male enough to put my life in their hands. I also have never had anyone around capable of taking care of me.. Not even my own dad. I have accepted that I never will. I challenge myself to handle life every day. That makes me stronger and stronger. It also continues to decrease my patience for others .. particuarly males who cannot handle anything.

I encourage young women who cross my path to take control of their lives, make their own choices, and not make "Finding Someone the center of their lives. There is much more to life than that. Despite the tough attitude I have now.. I am thankful that 25 years ago I was soft enough to marry my pathetic ex husband, because I have two wonderful sons. Women who view themselves as helpless are most often candidates for abusive situations, There is always a price to pay for being unable to rely on yourself. or being dependant. We were all born with the opportunity to become the best we can be. Male and female...people of all color from all walks of life. We were given a big blank canvas with paints and brushes,,, My motto is..." Dont let someone else paint your portrait."