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Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b!%ch.

Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,

I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.

Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Voldemort ,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...

Sincerely, Google

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely, BP

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985

Dear Justin Bieber ,

Ariel would really love her voice back.

Sincerely, King Triton

Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.

Sincerely, Jack

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Taylor Swift,

If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.

Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Soccer Fans,

B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!

Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,

Done!

Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Santa,

Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.

Sincerely, Tiger Woods

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,

I. Can't. Breathe.

Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?

Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Sleeping Beauty,

I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.

All you had to do was wake up.

Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Romeo,

My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...

Sincerely, Juliet

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Sex Educators,

Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.

Sincerely, The Virgin Mary

Dear Toaster,

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,

I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.

Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,

You've got some explaining to do!

Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

Dear Facebook,

They will soon abandon you as well, don't feel bad about it.

Sincerely, Myspace.

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerly, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely, Superman

Dear Americans,

I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.

Sincerely, Canadians

Dear Global Warming,

You're the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTELY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely, Jenny

Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely, Justin Beiber

Dear Twihards,

If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours

Sincerely, Gay Men Of America

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider On The Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely, Terrified

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely, Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely, Dr. Pepper

Dear girls making kissy faces on MySpace and Facebook

There’s a reason we close our eyes when we kiss.

Sincerely, boys

Dear Cat

Sorry for hoisting you into the air whenever ‘The Circle of Life’ plays.

Sincerely, a Lion King enthusiast

:wah:



FUNNY WOMEN #34: An Evolution Of Dear John Letters - The Rumpus.net

Dear Americans,

I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.

Sincerely, Canadians



:wah::wah::wah: