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A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in such a way that it causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.







I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for His forgiveness!







The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list !







Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a Fruit Salad !







How is it that one careless match can start a bushfire, but it takes a box of matches to light a campfire ?





A bank is a place that will lend you money, but only if you can prove you don't need it !







Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy !





You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice !







I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila !







The early bird catches the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese !

I can't even pronounce the word, but here's some more:

•Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

•"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat." — Will Rogers

•"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." — Groucho Marx

•"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." — Groucho Marx

•"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming and terrified like his passengers." — Bob Monkhouse

•"A modest man, who has much to be modest about." — Winston Churchill (of Clement Atlee)

•"If you are going through hell, keep going." — Winston Churchill

•"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." — Mitch Hedberg

•"Take my wife—please." — Henny Youngman

•" It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried." Winston Churchill

•"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else." Winston Churchill