Global Warming: Fact orFfiction? Or a bit of both?
Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:12 am
What is the truth behind global warming? Is it natural and part of a natural cycle, or is it caused by humans. But aren’t humans part of the natural world, too? Is this what it will come to ...?
Soaptown Reporter Date: Today
A Plague Of People
A respectable crown gathered at Soaptown’s Town Hall yesterday evening to listen to Dr Smallbrain (of the Department of Impossible Ideas), give a lecture on the causes of climate change.
In Dr Smallbrain’s opinion, one of the major causes of the heating up of the Earth is human activity.
“Every action of the human body generates heat: walking, holding and conveying things with the hands, and, above all, talking. If all the people of the world stopped talking, the temperature of the Earth would drop by almost ten percent.
The ideal situation, of course, he allowed, would be for people to die, but he expected a lot of short-sighted opposition from Pro-Life Groups on this issue. The trouble was that we were too comfortable with life. Governments could play their parts by persuading people to adapt a more fatal outlook. If the whole world could be persuaded to die, the emission of greenhouses gasses would at once fall to almost nil.
He quoted a study by Philim Dire, R.E.A.L, T.O.T.A.L., L.O.O.P.Y., who has studied those problems for over sixty years. Professor Dire has become convinced that the whole human race is a plague, that it is, in fact, the greatest and most dangerous plague that has ever assaulted the planet. He has unearthed 90 percent conclusive proof that the Earth was a well-balanced, ecological entity, happily free-spinning its way through space, until human beings appeared. In little over 1,000,000 years their activity has so decimated the planet that it is now in danger of becoming another barren world like Mars. If humans are not contained and eradicated as soon as possible, there was a real danger that they could spread to other planets, and, eventually even to the stars.
“We have to ask ourselves, Professor Dire has said, “if we could take the responsibility for infecting the whole galaxy.
This reporter sampled the reactions of the audience afterwards.
Most indicated that they would be quite willing to infect the whole universe, and any parallel universes, that might exist. A sizable minority admitted that they would willingly eradicate themselves if the government suggested it. There were also a few willing to volunteer to eradicate others.
A spokesman for the government said that they were monitoring the situation. A committee had been employed to select a committee to further monitor the situation. Based on the findings of that committee, another committee would be employed to recommend the employment of a Think Tank which would be expected to deliver recommendations of the actions to be taken (if any). The government would then study those recommendations and make their decision known in due course. They acknowledged that the situation was urgent.
Soaptown Reporter Date: Today
A Plague Of People
A respectable crown gathered at Soaptown’s Town Hall yesterday evening to listen to Dr Smallbrain (of the Department of Impossible Ideas), give a lecture on the causes of climate change.
In Dr Smallbrain’s opinion, one of the major causes of the heating up of the Earth is human activity.
“Every action of the human body generates heat: walking, holding and conveying things with the hands, and, above all, talking. If all the people of the world stopped talking, the temperature of the Earth would drop by almost ten percent.
The ideal situation, of course, he allowed, would be for people to die, but he expected a lot of short-sighted opposition from Pro-Life Groups on this issue. The trouble was that we were too comfortable with life. Governments could play their parts by persuading people to adapt a more fatal outlook. If the whole world could be persuaded to die, the emission of greenhouses gasses would at once fall to almost nil.
He quoted a study by Philim Dire, R.E.A.L, T.O.T.A.L., L.O.O.P.Y., who has studied those problems for over sixty years. Professor Dire has become convinced that the whole human race is a plague, that it is, in fact, the greatest and most dangerous plague that has ever assaulted the planet. He has unearthed 90 percent conclusive proof that the Earth was a well-balanced, ecological entity, happily free-spinning its way through space, until human beings appeared. In little over 1,000,000 years their activity has so decimated the planet that it is now in danger of becoming another barren world like Mars. If humans are not contained and eradicated as soon as possible, there was a real danger that they could spread to other planets, and, eventually even to the stars.
“We have to ask ourselves, Professor Dire has said, “if we could take the responsibility for infecting the whole galaxy.
This reporter sampled the reactions of the audience afterwards.
Most indicated that they would be quite willing to infect the whole universe, and any parallel universes, that might exist. A sizable minority admitted that they would willingly eradicate themselves if the government suggested it. There were also a few willing to volunteer to eradicate others.
A spokesman for the government said that they were monitoring the situation. A committee had been employed to select a committee to further monitor the situation. Based on the findings of that committee, another committee would be employed to recommend the employment of a Think Tank which would be expected to deliver recommendations of the actions to be taken (if any). The government would then study those recommendations and make their decision known in due course. They acknowledged that the situation was urgent.