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We have friends who come to town, often unexpectedly.

They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.

We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.

The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.

Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.

It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.

My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?

We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.

So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?

It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.

Any advice?

You were more polite than I would have been.

About time you said NO. I would say they have taken advantage of the situation 1 to many times. If they don't like it sorry not their home, not their food, not their decision to make. Have you ever done this to them? Why don't they have these hoards of people to their own home? Or better yet if distance is the problem have everyone book rooms at a local Hotel or Motel and let them entertain them on their own time and money. I would say don't feel guilty about your decision it was long overdue and don't back down or let them take advantage of you again. Might mean the end of your friendship if so it wasn't a real friendship in the first place.

Sorry I have no patience for people who take advantage of others good manners and nature shame on them they are not good friends in my opinion just using you.

You were very polite to refuse their company.

You need you privacy and it is your home. They should respect that.

I am currently in a tough situation with a friend of ours too. We have a mother and 2 children staying with us (a 10 and a 13 year old) due to their fathers drinking. He is currently on a 7 day binge and as of last night is apparently not even aware his wife and children have gone. Another friend is keeping an eye on him.

I am beginning to wonder just how long he can do this before he kills himself. I also think me and a few other guys need to give him a thorough beating.

So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?]


IMO, you did the right thing. You should have also added though, that the next time they want to take advantage of you, to give you a more advanced notice and ask them what they intend to contribute towards feeding the company they invited.

If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.

Mustang;1338059 wrote: IMO, you did the right thing. You should have also added though, that the next time they want to take advantage of you, to give you a more advanced notice and ask them what they intend to contribute towards feeding the company they invited.

If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.


I agree. It's a nightmare being used like this. If they 'get the hump' then they are not real freinds.

You did the right thing OSG,

Some people will always take advantage if they know that they can.

You have to learn how to say no more often.

I learned how to say no, and I'm happier now:-6

I live in a wee, fix me up, handy-man's special home. I live a block away from the beach in a resort town. Somehow, I had become everyone's holiday. I'd no sooner have company leave and others would arrive uninvited or earlier than expected.

I sometimes work 3 jobs during the fall, winter and spring. I need a break during the summer months..some alone time. Now I have it because I say no or limit their time.

You don't have to explain why you say no...just say it and feel good about it. If the shoe were on the other foot, I wonder how often they would say no.

Good on you !!!!!

Good on you, I would have done the same. Anyone should try to provide at least a weeks notice before descending on you like that. Next time I would have the house ready for them etc but would not have any groceries in, they would be told 'feel free to use the kitchen, sorry not got much in, maybe you would like to do a quick grocery run....' They're getting free accommodation, the least they can do is buy and prepare their own food, otherwise you need to start presenting them with a bill on their day of departure!

What every one else said!!

Absolutely. One time for an old friend to drop by for an unexpected visit is COOL!!

But then, what your friend is doing is called taking advantage.

Hell! they got family around? They should impose on THEM, not their friends.

Sounds like they just like to use your house to visit their family.

Refer them to the local hotel, and tell them you wouldn't mind meeting them somewhere for dinner.

YOUR home is sacred ground. Anyone who disrespects that is not really your friend.

Sounds to me like your "friends" want to use your home to hold their family reunions....at no cost and no inconvenience to them. It is one thing to have one or two friends unexpectedly drop by for a brief visit, quite another to have a bunch of people come by and expect to be accomodated.

You did good. Keep it up.

Oldschoolguy;1338050 wrote: We have friends who come to town, often unexpectedly.

They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.

We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.

The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.

Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.

It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.

My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?

We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.

So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?

It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.

Any advice?


Your far from being terrible friends!

I'd never have put up with that...even once.

Sounds to me like they're using your place to entertain and eat....friends don't do that.

It's time your friends should know to phone way ahead & shouldn't be inviting everyone into your home.

Thanks to all that posted. I feel much better knowing everyone felt the same way I did.

Whenever I go "back home" to see friends/family I always get a room somewhere near where I want to hang out. Even if someone says you are not "imposing" I still feel after a day or so that they would rather have their home to themselves.

Thanks again for letting me off the hook.

Oldschoolguy

Nobody I know, including family, would even think of doing that. Not even for the couple to drop in, but expecting to bring their multitude of family and guests too! Unthinkable! You certainly did the right thing. Having said that and assuming that they get the message, you may now have an opening around Thanksgiving and I would like to bring 6 of my family and one small dog.

ZAP;1338192 wrote: Nobody I know, including family, would even think of doing that. Not even for the couple to drop in, but expecting to bring their multitude of family and guests too! Unthinkable! You certainly did the right thing. Having said that and assuming that they get the message, you may now have an opening around Thanksgiving and I would like to bring 6 of my family and one small dog.


Ummm... What KIND of dog? LOL!

Did it ever occur to you why they have family in the area and yet they don't stay with family? Maybe family woke up to their shananigans a long time ago.

fuzzywuzzy;1338280 wrote: Did it ever occur to you why they have family in the area and yet they don't stay with family? Maybe family woke up to their shananigans a long time ago.


My thoughts per-zactly!!

Although in saying that I'm going to be needing a bed/couch/deck chair when I'm over that way :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

FW, We have a new "24 hour rule". You can stay up to 24 hours. It starts as soon as you call .:yh_rotfl:driving:

Oldschoolguy;1338286 wrote: My thoughts per-zactly!! I have 3 dogs and when we go to visit the family, we will always offer to take a hotel room that takes dogs. It rarely comes to that as all my family will say there Is no need as our dogs are part of the family. However, It would be rude to just assume and land 3 mental canines on them.

Oldschoolguy;1338291 wrote: FW, We have a new "24 hour rule". You can stay up to 24 hours. It starts as soon as you call .:yh_rotfl:driving:


24 hours is good and a greyhound bus stop

It's not really enough time to get some friends together for the orgy though. Geesh some people are just not hospitable .



:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

OMG !

you guys have great English:yh_rotfl