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Not sure if this is an appropriate thread for this group... If not I apologise..

My son-in-law has terminal cancer. The primary tumour has caused the collapse of a vertebrae in his spine and he is presently in a lot of pain and losing his mobility. The consultants are not sure that they will be able to operate..My Daughter and her husband have to young children aged 4 and 7 and I see each day how my daughter struggles... with seeing her husband suffering,,,, keeping life 'normal' for their children, trying deal with her own fears and anxieties, depression.....

I am not sure what I am asking , other than some advice from those who are, or have been, in a similar position on how best I can help and support my daughter and her family......Thankyou

About Our Site - Terminal Illness (UK) might be a useful resource for you, there may be leads in it which you find useful when talking with the two of them. Mere sympathy's quite inadequate, both for you and for them, and I'd imagine it would become grating eventually.

spot;1321659 wrote: About Our Site - Terminal Illness (UK) might be a useful resource for you, there may be leads in it which you find useful when talking with the two of them. Mere sympathy's quite inadequate, both for you and for them, and I'd imagine it would become grating eventually.


Thank you Spot.... That is most helpful, and yes you are right sympathy is not what is wanted or needed....

fae;1321658 wrote: Not sure if this is an appropriate thread for this group... If not I apologise..

My son-in-law has terminal cancer. The primary tumour has caused the collapse of a vertebrae in his spine and he is presently in a lot of pain and losing his mobility. The consultants are not sure that they will be able to operate..My Daughter and her husband have to young children aged 4 and 7 and I see each day how my daughter struggles... with seeing her husband suffering,,,, keeping life 'normal' for their children, trying deal with her own fears and anxieties, depression.....

I am not sure what I am asking , other than some advice from those who are, or have been, in a similar position on how best I can help and support my daughter and her family......Thankyou


Hi Fae:-6,

So sorry...thought that I had responded to your thread.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son-in-law's cancer. Your family must be so devistated with this tragic news. Wish I had some advice to give to you. Please know that all of my thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Your family knows that you are there for them and love them. That's what's important....Sending (((hugs))) to you and family.

Welcome to the garden Fae. I hope there are some members who can give you some helpful advice.

Thank you Kathy, things have moved on... today my son in law had an operation to insert steel rods to support his spine,, presently he is critical but stable and we take hope from this.. My daughter is amazing and drawing strength from her sister, and her friends,, Her Dad and I do the child care... as a Mother I just want to take all this away from her and I cant,,,,..we are all praying so hard for James, the thing is ,,, we, as a family know that such an expensive and critical op would not have been an option without some hope of a viable life....

fae;1321658 wrote: Not sure if this is an appropriate thread for this group... If not I apologise..

My son-in-law has terminal cancer. The primary tumour has caused the collapse of a vertebrae in his spine and he is presently in a lot of pain and losing his mobility. The consultants are not sure that they will be able to operate..My Daughter and her husband have to young children aged 4 and 7 and I see each day how my daughter struggles... with seeing her husband suffering,,,, keeping life 'normal' for their children, trying deal with her own fears and anxieties, depression.....

I am not sure what I am asking , other than some advice from those who are, or have been, in a similar position on how best I can help and support my daughter and her family......Thankyou


Hi fae, I'm so sorry your son in law has cancer, I hope they can operate.

my best advise to just to be there for them, listen to them, help out with your grandchildren just to make it easier on your daughter, but I'm sure you already doing all of this.

Be positive at all times and let them see this.

when someone is negative, it takes the entire family down and who knows, maybe he can have that surgery.

So, put a smile on your face when you see them.

If 'you' need support.....you know where I am my friend.:-4

That's awful..my mother suffered the same fate at the hands of breast cancer it got into her spine....just have to be strong and support him, encourage him...

thank you for your reply.....My son in law died in September.. the op was a huge mistake and just added to his immense suffering... the focus now has been on supporting my daughter and their two young children....

Ooooops..sorry to hear that....