Sorry. He's dead.

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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hoppy
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Sorry. He's dead.

Post by hoppy »

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, "I'm sorry, but your dog is dead." The man doesn't believe him and says, "I want a second opinion."

The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, "Meeoowrr." The vet says again, "I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead."

The man says, "No, I want another opinion."

So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, "Rrrrr." The vet says, "I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars."

"$500 to tell me my dog is dead?" asks the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.":yh_rotfl
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spot
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Post by spot »

I may be slightly denser than usual but I just can't get that to add up at all.

The joke is that it doesn't add up?
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hoppy
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Sorry. He's dead.

Post by hoppy »

spot;1300904 wrote: I may be slightly denser than usual but I just can't get that to add up at all.

The joke is that it doesn't add up?


Ya hadta be there. Anyhoo, it's a 'merican joke. :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
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Odie
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Post by Odie »

hoppy;1300898 wrote: A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, "I'm sorry, but your dog is dead." The man doesn't believe him and says, "I want a second opinion."

The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, "Meeoowrr." The vet says again, "I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead."

The man says, "No, I want another opinion."

So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, "Rrrrr." The vet says, "I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars."

"$500 to tell me my dog is dead?" asks the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.":yh_rotfl


omg..to funny!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
hoppy
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Post by hoppy »

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time.

He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.



"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.



"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he sh!ts on you!":yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
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Odie
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Post by Odie »

spot;1300904 wrote: I may be slightly denser than usual but I just can't get that to add up at all.

The joke is that it doesn't add up?


cat skan------the cat jumped on the dog to see if it was dead.

lab test---the Labrador jumped on the dog to see if it was dead.



so the vet charged extra for the cat skan and lab tests.

its really simple spot.
Life is just to short for drama.
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G#Gill
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Post by G#Gill »

The old ones are the best ! ;)

Hey, Spotibus, don't you find the follow-ups are funnier than the jokes themselves?

:yh_rotfl
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dubs
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Post by dubs »

Odie;1300956 wrote: cat skan------the cat jumped on the dog to see if it was dead.

lab test---the Labrador jumped on the dog to see if it was dead.



so the vet charged extra for the cat skan and lab tests.

its really simple spot.


He means.. $100 + $300 + $200 = $600, not $500 :p




My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
hoppy
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Post by hoppy »

dubs;1300961 wrote: He means.. $100 + $300 + $200 = $600, not $500 :p


Now yer catchin on. Spot wins the ceegar. I left the error in when I copied it as an experiment, of sorts.:wah:
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dubs
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Post by dubs »

hoppy;1300966 wrote:

Now yer catchin on. Spot wins the ceegar. I left the error in when I copied it as an experiment, of sorts.:wah:


It don't detract from the joke hops, it's still a classic....:)




My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

spot;1300904 wrote: I may be slightly denser than usual but I just can't get that to add up at all.

The joke is that it doesn't add up?
It's very simple Spot. What Part of It do you not get?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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dubs
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Post by dubs »

oscar;1300971 wrote: It's very simple Spot. What Part of It do you not get?


Err! You don't actually read the posts above do you?....:wah:




My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

dubs;1300972 wrote: Err! You don't actually read the posts above do you?....:wah:


What post?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Odie
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Post by Odie »

dubs;1300961 wrote: He means.. $100 + $300 + $200 = $600, not $500 :p


its okay, he never did get it!:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
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