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a big part of my job involves drunks, and some of them can be very entertaining...one night this guy was arrested for drunk and disorderly by a woman deputy. he was really in bad condition, had no clue what he was doing. but not fighting or resisting. but he is indignant at being arrested! when he got to the jail he was processed by a woman deputy booking officer. including the required shower and delousing. they are sent on their way to their cellblock with no supervision, it's a long corridor, they can't go anywhere. well that night i had business at the jail and i am standing in this corridor with two other woman deputies. we saw this guy coming towards us literally bouncing off the walls, barfing, carrying his bedroll to his new home/cell. he was staggering, sputtering, clearly ticked off and we watched him approach us with some amusement. ....well this poor character finally reaches us after ricocheting off the isolation walls several times. he sees us. stops short.-- glares.-- reeling and reeking, he announces in a very loud slurred voice "well!! is the whole damn f***ing sheriff office nothing but a bunch of damn combat-boot -wearing diesel dykes?????" ...i have to tell you, after we pointed him in the right direction we were screaming -falling- down -wet- our -pants -laughing!! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl (you kinda had to be there) ...i still laugh about that guy. he hadn't seen a male officer all through his ordeal. LOL ~~~got a funny drunk story?

LC, between your arrests and my bartending for 14 years, we could probably write a book!! I worked at a bar a while back that was a popular place with the younger crowd. Seldom did I see a customer over 24 or 25. So one of my biggest things was checking ID on anyone who looked under 30. I spent a LOT of time asking for ID. This one kid came up to my bar on a very busy night, ordered a drink and I automatically asked him for his license. He pulls it out and starts explaining why his face looks so different than his picture. Instant red flags go up. If you're going to start making excuses for your picture before I even see it, I'm gonna look at you REAL hard. What lots of people don't know, is while a person's face can change dramatically with weight gain and loss, one thing that never changes, is their nose. That is the first thing I compare. His was iffy. To be safe, I said, "This picture doesn't look a whole lot like you, why don't you sign your name for me?" Comparing signatures is a good way to remove any doubt I might have. He signed, and I was sure....this person was not showing me his real ID. I looked at him, smiled, and said, "Nice try, sweetie, but I'm not serving you any booze." He was appalled and demanded to know why I wouldn't serve him. I said, "Because the signature you wrote looks nothing like the signature on that ID card." What does the Einstein come back with? "Of course it doesn't look the same!!! I'm drunk!!!" Naturally, I don't serve drunk people either, and explained that he'd just given me the last reason I needed to toss him.

Ah yes, the young and ignorant....gotta love 'em.

I saw a drunk once who thought it would be hilarious to light a fart!!

He did, and strangely enough it was pretty funny!

The funniest thing I saw was a drunk trying to leg it from a taxi without paying. The taxi driver was obviously pissed off with people doing this and promptly tried to run him over! :driving:

oh god.. noooo.. not drunk stories.. .. lets see.. there was the female rugby player.. the one eared elephant.... hmmmmmmmmmmm... the my car got stolen day... oh no.. I can't.. just too many to pick from..

OKay..of the above 3 someone pick one for me.. and then I will tell all..

but I gotta warn ya.... 10 years of tarbending.. I got some doozies..

greydeadhead wrote: oh god.. noooo.. not drunk stories.. .. lets see.. there was the female rugby player.. the one eared elephant.... hmmmmmmmmmmm... the my car got stolen day... oh no.. I can't.. just too many to pick from..

OKay..of the above 3 someone pick one for me.. and then I will tell all..

but I gotta warn ya.... 10 years of tarbending.. I got some doozies..


One eared elephant?..........please that one :yh_pray

I've tried to think for 2 days of one specific funny drunk story and no one specific incident or comment stands out. Like LC, I deal with a lot of drunks in my work, but I only get to tie them down (or the correct word is restrain them) and take them to the hospital. I have always thought it was funny though, to have a drunk person strapped to the cot and become all mouthy, threatening to kick my a** as soon as he/she was let go--using all kinds of colorful words and names. Some of my co-workers get mad at these folks and provoke them. I have always just laughed (which sometimes fires them up too) because I know there is a army of security waiting for me at the ER.



I did have a extremly drunk homosexual in the back of the rig one night. We had a long transport time and somehow we got to talking about hot men on TV and in the movies. By the time we got to the hospital, I was crying I was laughing so hard.

okay.. the one eared elephant appeared in a bar I was working at..

A very very very drunk man was chatting with 3 very very drunk ladies at the bar. Was at the very end of a rocking nite.. I had been busier than a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.. anyway.. I am cleaning up and stocking and I hear him ask in a very loud drunken voice if the ladies had ever seen a one eared elephant.. to which they responded in very sound drunken voices no..... course me paying no mind to this keep right on working..

next thing I know..

He is standing on the bar.. making these aweful elephant noises with one pocket inside out, hangin there, his fly open and a portion of his anatomy swinging around like an elephants trunk.. totally dumbfounded me.. completely..

the women were cracking up.. the rest of the drunks were in shock...

I poured myself a shot of JD.

and asked him to put the elephant back in the jungle..

which he did

I had no idea how else to deal with that situation.. damn.. looking back now it was pretty funny...