confused by my ex's behaviour

betrue · Post by **betrue** » Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:18 pm

I ended a 7 year relationship 4 weeks ago as i suspected my partner was having an affair, 2 weeks after we split he addmitted that he was having feelings for another woman at work and they had disscussed there feeling for one another but no sexuall contact happen untill after we had split up. He is now dating this woman who has left her husband.

We have a 18 month old son together and my ex would call every day to see how he is , i found this very hard as i need some time and space from him, i told him i couldnt be his friend and the calls have now reduced . Things seemed to settle down as it had been quite a messy split with lots of arguing . I just wanted him to distance himself from me so i could recover and try to move on.

I was just starting to feel relaxed about the situation and starting to make plans for the future, when my ex came to the house a few days ago and saw my halloween costume for a party myself and my son are attending, it is a big event with around 100 people going. The costume is i nice figure hugging black dress, his face changed and i could tell he wasnt happy. We were both invited to this event as a couple and i did give him the option of going instead of me the week before, but he declined.

My ex then phoned me the next day to check if i was working the day after the party and if he was having our child, which he already knew, and made a point of telling me that he had changed his work commitments for the night of the party and would now be going out himself(not to the same event).

Later that day he contacted me again to see i we could get together to sort out some money matters. I agreed and he has arranged to come round the day of the party and invited himself for dinner. I was a little taken back by this but agreed as i didnt want to seem off hand with things just settling down .

I dont understand why he is doing this, he has a new woman in his life and during the breakup he even told me he hadnt loved me for the past two years. I am i little confused as to why he is behaving like this. is it just a normal reaction for a ex following a split.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:36 pm

Typical.

He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to want you! :rolleyes:

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:54 pm

I wouldn't be confused so much as concerned about his behavior. It's often "normal" bahavior, in the sense that breakups tend to make either or both parties a bit crazy. Sometimes the crazy behavior goes away in time, sometimes it doesn't. It can be difficult to determine precisely what's going through a person's mind in such circumstances. Anyway, it's certainly not normal.

I wouldn't count on his relationship working out... you can't expect much from a woman who believes it's okay to cheat, it's much like women and rebound guys after a breakup, they don't work out. He's obviously still attracted to you or else it's a control issue... if it's the latter, you're correct in being concerned.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:55 pm

G-man;1257284 wrote: I wouldn't be confused so much as concerned about his behavior. It's often "normal" bahavior, in the sense that breakups tend to make either or both parties a bit crazy. Sometimes the crazy behavior goes away in time, sometimes it doesn't. It can be difficult to determine precisely what's going through a person's mind in such circumstances. Anyway, it's certainly not normal.

I wouldn't count on his relationship working out... you can't expect much from a woman who believes it's okay to cheat, it's much like women and rebound guys after a breakup, they don't work out. He's obviously still attracted to you or else it's a control issue... if it's the latter, you're correct in being concerned.

Then again whats normal ? People aren't normal. They can act normal sometimes but were all neurotic to one degree or another. In times of stress even more neurotic.

I don't know any "normal" people, not if you dissect the things they say or the way they think.

To be honest I prefer it that way. Normal is overrated in my opinion.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:14 am

abbey;1257282 wrote: Typical.

He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to want you! :rolleyes:

My thoughts exactly...

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:54 am

Sorry I am missing something here. What is unusual about the behavior?

Maybe it is not about you, you both have a child that he clearly loves as he was calling everyday to see how he is, you ask him to stop calling because you need space, so now he is coming around more.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you; maybe he misses his son and wants to see him. Because your relationship is over, doesnâ€™t mean he has stopped loving your child.

Maybe you are reading too much into his actions.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 2:08 pm

mikeinie;1257335 wrote: Sorry I am missing something here. What is unusual about the behavior?

Maybe it is not about you, you both have a child that he clearly loves as he was calling everyday to see how he is, you ask him to stop calling because you need space, so now he is coming around more.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you; maybe he misses his son and wants to see him. Because your relationship is over, doesnâ€™t mean he has stopped loving your child.

Maybe you are reading too much into his actions.

Quite so.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 3:23 pm

The both of you are no longer a couple, but you are still parents of the same child.

He can make suggestions as a father to the child, but not to you as "his woman". He made the choice to leave. All he is supposed to do now is help you co-parent your child. That's all. JMO

KSnyder · Post by **KSnyder** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:55 pm

abbey;1257282 wrote: Typical.

He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to want you! :rolleyes:

betrue,..

his behavior regarding his jealousy is a reaction to the fact that other men wanting you makes him question his ability to please you and he's threatened by it. Distinctly animalistic behavior that!

As for the rest I don't see any cause for concern.

What would concern me is if it takes you quite some time to get over this little spat! The longer you refrain from contact with him the longer you keep your child from developing a healthy relationship with him, from which I'm quite positive you're aware of, the difference being you'd asked! :yh_wink

Aside from that quite frankly it just wasn't meant to be and I'm more so quite positive that you're Lovely and Beautiful enough to find someone you'll enjoy spending your time with! :yh_kisses

betrue · Post by **betrue** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:26 pm

Thanks for the all the comments, i think some were very helpfull.

Today was the day off the big party and the dinner arranged with my ex, i have just got back from the party and had a great time.

I have to say that the dinner with my ex was not the best, he made some very off hand and rude comments towards myself and my older son from a previous relationship and my family who are helping me in any way they can at the moment.He told me that friends off ours had asked his permission to speak to me and at times raised his voice. At one point i did ask him to leave if he couldnt be nice. but i have decided that im not really bothered what he says or does and he wont be welcome for dinner any time soon. This person is not even worth my time or effort .

Just to make it clear for some people who posted replys, we have agreed shared coustody of our child and he see him on a regular basis and has him over night a number of times each week.

KSnyder · Post by **KSnyder** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:35 pm

betrue;1257626 wrote: Thanks for the all the comments, i think some were very helpfull.

Today was the day off the big party and the dinner arranged with my ex, i have just got back from the party and had a great time.

I have to say that the dinner with my ex was not the best, he made some very off hand and rude comments towards myself and my older son from a previous relationship and my family who are helping me in any way they can at the moment.He told me that friends off ours had asked his permission to speak to me and at times raised his voice. At one point i did ask him to leave if he couldnt be nice. but i have decided that im not really bothered what he says or does and he wont be welcome for dinner any time soon. This person is not even worth my time or effort .

Just to make it clear for some people who posted replys, we have agreed shared coustody of our child and he see him on a regular basis and has him over night a number of times each week.

I bet you'd made every effort to keep the relationship happy! I bet that you went out of your way to make the relationship work but always felt like the spark was missing! I bet he'd stay out late at night while you stayed at home doing chores!

CybersurfingJunkie · Post by **CybersurfingJunkie** » Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:51 am

If I were you, I'd go on with my life and not care about what he thinks--unless it's about your son. It's totally unfair, and you do deserve a lot better than this.