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This thread is ment to be funny not offensive!

Post a joke so we can all laugh at the end of the day-



"What do you do when you see your husband staggering"?

"SHOOT HIM AGAIN"

I posted that and I am still laughing!!!:yh_rotfl



Some how Nomad comes to mind

princessladedah;1228970 wrote: This thread is ment to be funny not offensive!

Post a joke so we can all laugh at the end of the day-



"What do you do when you see your husband staggering"?

"SHOOT HIM AGAIN"


I love it!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

read a book on helium once. I couldn't put it down! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Hey you have to leave a joke

I like that, it's alittle over my head:yh_rotfl

princessladedah;1228978 wrote: I like that, it's alittle over my head:yh_rotfl


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead p u s s y.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

A young guy walks into a post office and sees a middle–aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the best of him, the young guy goes up to the man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out a thousand Valentine cards signed, “Guess who?

“But why? Asked the young guy.

“I’m a divorce lawyer, the bald man replied.

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctorand the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"

almostfamous;1228983 wrote: A young guy walks into a post office and sees a middle–aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the best of him, the young guy goes up to the man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out a thousand Valentine cards signed, “Guess who?

“But why? Asked the young guy.

“I’m a divorce lawyer, the bald man replied.


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Odie;1228976 wrote: read a book on helium once. I couldn't put it down! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl


I worked for a helium factory once, but I quit, I didn’t like the tone of their voice..

Two Helium atoms were walking on a sunny day.

Then suddenly.......



First atom : Hey! I just lost an electron....

Second atom: Are you sure?

First atom: I am Positive!!

almostfamous;1228985 wrote: Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

mikeinie;1229042 wrote: I worked for a helium factory once, but I quit, I didn’t like the tone of their voice..


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Originally Posted by almostfamous

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."



Odie;1229238 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl


This is odd Odie..... It was me who posted that joke and it says that AF posted it. This is happening in quite a few posts.....mixed up quotes...Betty Boop was talking about this in another thread....Wonder why it's happening

I think they put Nomad in charge again, Kathy.



A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"

Kathy Ellen;1229312 wrote: Originally Posted by almostfamous

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."





This is odd Odie..... It was me who posted that joke and it says that AF posted it. This is happening in quite a few posts.....mixed up quotes...Betty Boop was talking about this in another thread....Wonder why it's happening


I did post it lol. You posted it too. look at post #10

almostfamous;1229376 wrote: I did post it lol. You posted it too. look at post #10


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Thanks AF....I didn't read back and notice that you already posted it....sorrywah:

Kathy Ellen;1229070 wrote: Two Helium atoms were walking on a sunny day.

Then suddenly.......



First atom : Hey! I just lost an electron....

Second atom: Are you sure?

First atom: I am Positive!!




didn't I just read this one?:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?



He forgot to wrap his whopper:yh_rotfl

Kathy Ellen;1229382 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Thanks AF....I didn't read back and notice that you already posted it....sorrywah:


no worries, just didn't want you to think you were losin it :D

princessladedah;1229387 wrote: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?



He forgot to wrap his whopper:yh_rotfl


:wah:

princessladedah;1229387 wrote: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?



He forgot to wrap his whopper:yh_rotfl


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

keep it going people

here's something cute and funny

YouTube - Charlie bit my finger - again !

I like Monkeys

Okay okay okay.......a joke........

A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

"Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate."

The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No $hit!"

cigar898;1230238 wrote: Okay okay okay.......a joke........

A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

"Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate."

The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No $hit!"


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl