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You know you're British when...



You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable.

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a curry house.

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.

You're always half an hour late to work and no one notices or even cares.

You can actually give directions to tourists on Oxford Street!

You step over a drunk on the underground rather than offering to help them.

You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the weather is like. You know it is grey and overcast.

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub.

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes and moisturize daily.

You collapse with laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!).

You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable.

You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser

You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'.

You only realise you have lost your sun glasses when you remember you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.

You like English cooking. After all, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year.

You buy disposable baby BBQs from Tesco.

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

You always call soccer "football" and you support a team that's not Manchester United.

You don't think twice about buying a sandwich wrapped in cellophane.

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear.

You've accepted queuing as a way of life. In fact you're proud of how good you are at it.

You tut at 'pedestrian activity'.

ahhh yes the pedestrian activity . Picture this: Underground, Voice comes over the speaker system " train will be delayed because of "passenger activity" ..........People tutted!!! I look at my husband and say "what's that?" He asks another person................OH MY GOD!!!!!!:-2:-2 YOu guys tutt at suicide?:-3

fuzzywuzzy;1187764 wrote: ahhh yes the pedestrian activity . Picture this: Underground, Voice comes over the speaker system " train will be delayed because of "passenger activity" ..........People tutted!!! I look at my husband and say "what's that?" He asks another person................OH MY GOD!!!!!!:-2:-2 YOu guys tutt at suicide?:-3 Yes, for railway police they are known as 'A one Under' and a bloody nuisence.

You also know your British when your mum tells you to always have clean pants on incase your hit by a bus.:wah:

OH dear I no longer recognise any of it, guess what OH says is true Ive turned into a kaaskop ( cheese head= Dutch person):D

You believe arranging a barbecue is only going to annoy the rain gods so it's not worth it.

Don't understand why anyone would buy a big barbecue when they are only going to use it once before the novelty wears off and it just clutters the garage and rusts.



you wonder why everyone in america always wear sunglasses even when they are indoors-are the light bulbs very bright or something?

wonder vaguely if sunshine is the reason why australian soaps are usually cheerful and EastEnders is depressing-mind you i've lived in London it is depressing.

You can spot australian tourists as they are the ones wearing duvet jackets in a heat wave.

Think chips with curry sauce are strange but OK.

Regard deep fried mars bars as gourmet food.

Wonder why amercans can't spell properly and need subtitles when interviewing scottish people

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Edinburgh, East and Fife | Oprah show subtitles Susan Boyle

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

It's funny coming from the nation that gave the world mumble rap.

fuzzywuzzy;1187755 wrote: You know you're British when...


I don't understand this - is it funny, or accurate, or a parody, or what?

gmc;1187889 wrote:

Wonder why amercans can't spell properly and need subtitles when interviewing scottish people




Do Americans think this a rather insulting, the fact that producers think they wont be able to understand the Scottish accent ?

They might all talk bollocks but it can all be understood :p

I'd be horrified as an Englishman to have to watch Rab C Nesbitt with subtitles.

Bill Sikes;1187913 wrote: I don't understand this - is it funny, or accurate, or a parody, or what?


Yes:D

gmc;1187889 wrote: You believe arranging a barbecue is only going to annoy the rain gods so it's not worth it.

Don't understand why anyone would buy a big barbecue when they are only going to use it once before the novelty wears off and it just clutters the garage and rusts.



you wonder why everyone in america always wear sunglasses even when they are indoors-are the light bulbs very bright or something?

wonder vaguely if sunshine is the reason why australian soaps are usually cheerful and EastEnders is depressing-mind you i've lived in London it is depressing.

You can spot australian tourists as they are the ones wearing duvet jackets in a heat wave.

Think chips with curry sauce are strange but OK.

Regard deep fried mars bars as gourmet food.

Wonder why amercans can't spell properly and need subtitles when interviewing scottish people

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Edinburgh, East and Fife | Oprah show subtitles Susan Boyle

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

It's funny coming from the nation that gave the world mumble rap. as you approach Scotland on the motorway there are signs saying 'Warning.. last salad 20 miles'.



:p:p:yh_rotfl

Originally Posted by Bill Sikes

I don't understand this - is it funny, or accurate, or a parody, or what?

kazalala;1187931 wrote: Yes : D


It just seems rather odd, that's all - someof it is rather un-British - I wonder whether it was written by a foreigner.

*wipe England off list of places to visit...theyre crazy*

Bill Sikes;1187984 wrote: Originally Posted by Bill Sikes

I don't understand this - is it funny, or accurate, or a parody, or what?



It just seems rather odd, that's all - someof it is rather un-British - I wonder whether it was written by a foreigner.


maybe it wasthere are still funny bits, accurate bits ,, and parodic? bits:yh_rotfl

kazalala;1188026 wrote: maybe it was thinking:there are still funny bits, accurate bits ,, and parodic? bits yh_rotfl


Perhaps - for accuracy, I'll choose:



You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable.

Yup.



You always call soccer "football" and you support a team that's not Manchester United.

Yup. Football is correct, having been invented about 600 years ago - "Association Football", of which "soccer" is a contraction, comes from the mid to late 19th century, but is merely a formalisation of much that had gone before. The American game called "football" should be called "American Football" (cf. muffins).



You don't think twice about buying a sandwich wrapped in cellophane

???



Although for the last one, I don't think sandwiches come in cellophane anymere - I think it's polyethylene. I'm unsure as to why anyone would think twice about buying wrapped sandwiches - more likely t'other way around, I should think.



I've omitted the bit about food, as it unhelpfully confuses "British" and "English" - not to say that there isn't extremely good British cooking, of course.

I think we have to admit to the one about queueing being accurate surely I terrified a belgian girl because of queue jumping once many moons ago and she couldnt even understand what i was saying:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

kazalala;1188052 wrote: I think we have to admit to the one about queueing being accurate surely thinking:


Perhaps, although there aren't too many queues nowadays (exceptions: banks. Erm... I'll ask the others).



kazalala;1188052 wrote: I terrified a belgian girl because of queue jumping once many moons ago and she couldnt even understand what i was saying:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl


Good. Some of these foreigners, they know no better.

Bill Sikes;1188059 wrote: Perhaps, although there aren't too many queues nowadays (exceptions: banks. Erm... I'll ask the others).





Good. Some of these foreigners, they know no better.


well i was the foreigner in this case Bill as i was in Belgium at the time:)terrible queuers:p

fuzzywuzzy;1187755 wrote: You know you're British when...



You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable. - Nah

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a curry house. - Nah, Chip shop

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week. - Hangover?

You're always half an hour late to work and no one notices or even cares. - No comment....

You can actually give directions to tourists on Oxford Street! - Which Oxford Street?

You step over a drunk on the underground rather than offering to help them.

You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the weather is like. You know it is grey and overcast.

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub. - Suit?

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes and moisturize daily. - Hah!

You collapse with laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!). - So true.

You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable. - So untrue...

You can't remember what 'customer service' means. - What's "service"

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive. - Nah, THAT'S England

You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser

You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'. - Who? Me?

You only realise you have lost your sun glasses when you remember you left them in Greece 2 summers ago. - It was Italy, 3 years ago...

You like English cooking. After all, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast. - No it ain't....

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year.

You buy disposable baby BBQs from Tesco.

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

You always call soccer "football" and you support a team that's not Manchester United. - Nah, it's FITBA



You don't think twice about buying a sandwich wrapped in cellophane.

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear.

You've accepted queuing as a way of life. In fact you're proud of how good you are at it.


What's a Manchester United?

oscar;1187939 wrote: as you approach Scotland on the motorway there are signs saying 'Warning.. last salad 20 miles'.



:p:p:yh_rotfl


We have to keep out the broccoli eaters somehow

Nomad;1188020 wrote: *wipe England off list of places to visit...theyre crazy* Yes but the girls are good looking and we've got a Queen.

(Elton john)

fuzzywuzzy;1187755 wrote: You know you're British when...



You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable. Does not apply to me.

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a curry house. Wrong.... Kebab

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week. Not in posh area's

You're always half an hour late to work and no one notices or even cares. True

You can actually give directions to tourists on Oxford Street! Not true... I deliberately send them the wrong way to the nearest railway line.

You step over a drunk on the underground rather than offering to help them. not true.... We rob them first

You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the weather is like. You know it is grey and overcast. Not true.... no-one gets up until the afternoon

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub. Not true..... in some area's, the acrylic track suit in pink is still in fashion

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes and moisturize daily. Of course..... smelly men don't cop off

You collapse with laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!). Not true..... we are used to the Australian accent on account of how many work in British pubs

You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable. Not true..... pensioners are half price on a wednesday

You can't remember what 'customer service' means. That's true on account of the amount of Australians working in shops and bars in Britain

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive. Not true..... we all holiday in Ibiza and get hospitalised for sunburn

You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser Tipping the hairdresser out of what?

You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'. Not true.... we finish every sentence with 'Innit?.

You only realise you have lost your sun glasses when you remember you left them in Greece 2 summers ago. Not true..... Too many Australians to remind us

You like English cooking. After all, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast. Not true.... kebabs for breakfast are fine

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year. Not true.... we're too mean with our money to buy them

You buy disposable baby BBQs from Tesco. Not true.... Petrol (gas) stations sell them with the charcoal included

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head. Not true.... It's why we have a lifeboat emergency service

You always call soccer "football" and you support a team that's not Manchester United. Partially true..... Brighton and Hove albion do have their qualities however we invented football.

You don't think twice about buying a sandwich wrapped in cellophane. Not true.... it's plastic

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear. Not true..... we're all in the pub being served by Australians

You've accepted queuing as a way of life. In fact you're proud of how good you are at it. Not true.... people have been known to die in queues


:p:):D:D

Bill Sikes;1187984 wrote: Originally Posted by Bill Sikes

I don't understand this - is it funny, or accurate, or a parody, or what?



It just seems rather odd, that's all - someof it is rather un-British - I wonder whether it was written by a foreigner.


Nah Bill, I just think it's good to laugh at ourselves sometimes Tis all.

fuzzywuzzy;1188282 wrote: Nah Bill, I just think it's good to laugh at ourselves sometimes Tis all. Tis true.....

Tis it?

fuzzywuzzy;1188286 wrote: Tis it? Tis

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear. Not true..... we're all in the pub being served by Australians

Is that what they are???.....I just thought they talked funny!

oscar;1188296 wrote: Tis


Yes I suppose it twas:wah:

dubs;1188303 wrote: Not true..... we're all in the pub being served by Australians

Is that what they are???.....I just thought they talked funny!


Oh hah ha ha haa ...........Aren't you the funny one this morning:rolleyes:



We are good at it. It's very much an art to poor the perfect beer. gotta have a good head.

fuzzywuzzy;1188306 wrote: Oh hah ha ha haa ...........Aren't you the funny one this morning:rolleyes:



We are good at it. It's very much an art to poor the perfect beer. gotta have a good head.


Pardon?.......Say again! :wah:

You 'eard me:wah:

fuzzywuzzy;1188304 wrote: Yes I suppose it twas:wah:Twas indeed

You know your English when a bomb goes off and nobody takes any notice.

also

When you go to use the barbeque and find it has corodded (this happened to me the gas burner had rotted and one of the legs had crumbled and I live in one of the driest parts of the UK)

also

Watering the hanging baskets during a light rain shower

cogob;1188455 wrote: You know your English when a bomb goes off and nobody takes any notice.

also

When you go to use the barbeque and find it has corodded (this happened to me the gas burner had rotted and one of the legs had crumbled and I live in one of the driest parts of the UK)

also

Watering the hanging baskets during a light rain shower :wah::wah::wah:

You know your British when you buy another roll of sellotape because you can't be arssed to look for the one you know you have.

When you keep junk thinking 'That will come in handy one day'.

When you do a car boot sale to get rid of your crap and then come home with some-on elses.

When your half way across a road and a car comes.... you do that half hearted little skip to show the driver your making an effort.

oscar;1188834 wrote: ... you do that half hearted little skip to show the driver your making an effort.


Thereby proving you're English. Your civilised Celtic cousins merely instruct the driver in the use of sign language.........

Chookie;1188843 wrote: Thereby proving you're English. Your civilised Celtic cousins merely instruct the driver in the use of sign language......... :wah::wah:

You know your British when you run for a bus but it pulls away before you get to it. You go from a run into a half hearted trot to show other people in the street that you you wern't that bothered about getting it anyway.

posted by oscar

When your half way across a road and a car comes.... you do that half hearted little skip to show the driver your making an effort.


That shows you're an english tourist from london or somewhere down south touring scotland in a four by four discovering that they aren't designed to go round corners and no we don't see why we should just get put your way:mad:

Are you Scottish? I am........... You know you are a true Scot if...........



Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall

St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.

Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

Ye measure distance in minutes.

Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer

ain family.

Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

Church/Chapel.

Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru,

fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin

clatty

boggin

cludgie

pished

get it up ye

wee beasties

amurny

away an bile yer heid

peely-wally

Ba'-heid

dubble nugget

And finally.......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just

came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse

aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then

asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist

ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

gmc;1190446 wrote: p'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist

ma haun's ah'm heatin'.


Very funny, I like it.

gmc;1190446 wrote: posted by oscar



That shows you're an english tourist from london or somewhere down south touring scotland in a four by four discovering that they aren't designed to go round corners and no we don't see why we should just get put your way:mad:

Are you Scottish? I am........... You know you are a true Scot if...........



Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall

St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.

Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

Ye measure distance in minutes.

Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer

ain family.

Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

Church/Chapel.

Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru,

fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin

clatty

boggin

cludgie

pished

get it up ye

wee beasties

amurny

away an bile yer heid

peely-wally

Ba'-heid

dubble nugget

And finally.......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just

came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse

aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then

asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist

ma haun's ah'm heatin'.


I reckon I must have been stolen at birth an I'm secretly Scots - that fits far, far better than the OP

gmc;1190446 wrote:



That shows you're an english tourist from london or somewhere down south touring scotland in a four by four discovering that they aren't designed to go round corners and no we don't see why we should just get put your way:mad:

Are you Scottish? I am........... You know you are a true Scot if...........



Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall

St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.

Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

Ye measure distance in minutes.

Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer

ain family.

Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

Church/Chapel.

Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru,

fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin

clatty

boggin

cludgie

pished

get it up ye

wee beasties

amurny

away an bile yer heid

peely-wally

Ba'-heid

dubble nugget

And finally.......

. What about 'boakin on ye keyboard Old Yin?

Your post now means i'm Scottish.

Haddaway an *****?

Bryn Mawr;1190819 wrote: I reckon I must have been stolen at birth an I'm secretly Scots - that fits far, far better than the OP


Oi!! I got it off a site that has all that stuff ..............don't blame me someone else wrote it.

Bryn Mawr;1190819 wrote: I reckon I must have been stolen at birth an I'm secretly Scots - that fits far, far better than the OP


Na- it's just everybody secretly aspires to be greater than they are. If I was english i wouldn't want to be either:sneaky:

gmc;1190982 wrote: Na- it's just everybody secretly aspires to be greater than they are. If I was english i wouldn't want to be either:sneaky:


but I's Welsh!

Bryn Mawr;1191124 wrote: but I's Welsh! I'd also like to point out at this stage that i am half Irish. Does that excuse me?

Did a family tree years ago...fam from Wales & Ireland. Ok, that makes me a mutt and hubs is 100% Irish.:wah:

qsducks;1191199 wrote: Did a family tree years ago...fam from Wales & Ireland. Ok, that makes me a mutt and hubs is 100% Irish.:wah: That's why your hubs is a plumber. It's the national occupation of Britain :yh_rotfl

oscar;1191218 wrote: That's why your hubs is a plumber. It's the national occupation of Britain :yh_rotfl


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Hey somebody has to take care of the loos:wah:, keep those pipes flowing:sneaky:, I love what hubs calls tits on a bull...have no idea what it means but can just imagine:yh_rotfl

qsducks;1191228 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Hey somebody has to take care of the loos:wah:, keep those pipes flowing:sneaky:, I love what hubs calls tits on a bull...have no idea what it means but can just imagine:yh_rotfl Tits on a what? :yh_rotfl

oscar;1191232 wrote: Tits on a what? :yh_rotfl


On the bull:wah:...I have no idea. He talks plumbing speak on the phone and we all laugh. Will ask him later:wah:

qsducks;1191233 wrote: On the bull:wah:...I have no idea. He talks plumbing speak on the phone and we all laugh. Will ask him later:wah: Ask him and let me know. Mr O's favourite is 'As rare as rocking horse shyte'. and 'She had a face like a bulldog licking shyte off a thistle'. :wah: