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Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils?



What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto



Did you hear that a boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other?

Apparently the crew were marooned.



Pessimist: Things are horrible. Everything is falling apart. Things can't get any worse.

Optimist: Yes they can!



Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?



What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

Roamin' Catholic.



Famous last words of a mafia hit man: "Who put a violin in the violin case?"



A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chap stick and put it on my bill."



How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish



Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asked the second atom.

The first atom replied, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Chuck Norris is so beastly, that when he jumps in the pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norris!

Chuck Norris can beat Connect Four... in three moves!



Do you know their were 5 constipated men in the Bible?

1.) Cain, he wasn't able.

2.) Moses, he took two tablets.

3.) Solomon, he sat for 40 years.

4.) Samson, he brought the house down.

5.) Balaam, he couldn't move his...



What do you call a cow with no legs?

-Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with only two legs?

-Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

-Tri Tip.

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbwire fence?

-Udder Desctruction.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphreys

What do cows do for entertainment?

They rent moovies !

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

DAMN!

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

How do you stop a fish from smelling?

Cut its nose off

What do you call a fish with no eye ?

FSH !

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

I have no I-Deer

What is invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.

What is a dogs favourite school subject?

"Dog-Ruff-E "

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?

Because the Parots-ate-em-all

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?

He was charged with battery.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Why do gorillas have big nostralls?

Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?

Lipstick

:wah: You enjoying yourself Chez?

abbey;1049340 wrote: :wah: You enjoying yourself Chez?


heh heh:D

:wah::wah::wah: some great ones there chez,, my favourite is still the surrealist one though:wah:

kazalala;1049437 wrote: :wah::wah::wah: some great ones there chez,, my favourite is still the surrealist one though:wah:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish



^^ that one?



It's my favourite joke ever - always make me snigger.

Imladris;1049602 wrote: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish



^^ that one?



It's my favourite joke ever - always make me snigger.


ye thst it:wah:so funny:D

Chez.......you can get help ye know:-2:(

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl