My rather unreasonable struggle of permanently adapting

[carpediem]

Scenario #1: Essentially, and Most Importantly, Carefree

Friend: "Did you see the talent show yesterday?"

Me: "Indeed I saw it, and I thought it was great. The highlight, by far, for me was the ventriloquist act... say what you will, but I personally found it to be nothing short of a brilliant act. That guy's got a great future ahead of him."

[open for further discussion here - other person can carry on by sharing his/her opinion on the ventriloquist act and/or his/her own favorite act from the talent show - just to name a few possibilities for the conversation]

Scenario #2: Clearly Careless (brain not functioning too well)

Friend: "Did you see the talent show yesterday?"

Me: "Yeah."

Friend: "It was HOT... especially that girl that did her thing on stage."

Me: "Haha yeah."

[you could say that the other person could continue on the conversation by further talking about the girl that performed in the talent show, but from a general standpoint, I'd say this would be considered as pretty much a dead-end]

(Note: Not actual - my point here is trying to compare two different things, that being two different states of mind that I personally go through on a daily basis for god knows what reason)

Now, this is something that I'm needing a great deal of help with... sometimes, or perhaps usually, I can carry on a conversation - something that is extremely easy to do amongst us human beings - well enough to satisfy both or all involved within it, but I constantly find myself in such situations wherein I just "blank out". And when I say "blank out", my brain simply becomes stagnant and basically turns off - all simply because I think of it as in, "is it gone yet?".

I mean, I don't see such things happening with most of the people that I know as they can carry on a conversation let alone a task for seemingly ages. However, my problem here doesn't lie within a task, but rather talking to others properly. In other words, I want to keep my social health as healthy as possible, and I've come to acknowledge that it all lies within my own "brain flow" (I believe that's the only missing piece out of my own personal wellness).

It could be the lack of support that I've received throughout my teenage years; lack of motivation; my abhorrent family that just cannot come to terms with one another on the most minor things that actually do become something to worry about or even me feeling as if there really isn't a purpose to life and saying, "so what if it's to have fun and shoot for a bright future? I'm not convinced enough". At times you may see me as having the time of my life one day, only to find me the next day as a kid who you can look through the eyes of and say such things as "he's weird/he's depressed/that guy has some unnamed problem of some sort". And I don't want that, and somehow, I cannot get control of it. Clearly, I fail to get grasp of keeping a true sense of myself and how one is expected to function within a society as far as communication is concerned. It's a shame, really and I would love to get rid of it by as I never had a problem with it during my early childhood years.

My utmost wish here is to permanently adopt to doing things as say, a habit, and get rid of any negative, pessimistic feelings that could possibly be associated with my own brain flow by ultimately having faith in myself and believing in "human tradition" (I hope I'm not perplexing anyone with this). I'm open to any advice regarding on how to get rid of this, for which I would truly appreciate.

And by the way, as you can see from me typing all of this up, my brain is currently on - I just want to keep it that way, permanently, for as long as I live.

[RedGlitter]

Sounds like something that you might need to see a mental counselor for and figure out what the problem is. I'm sorry I have no advice for this one other than to seek out some professional assistance.