Eleven years ago
Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:25 pm
tomorrow, my son entered the world eight weeks early.
Tonight I have a headache, a bad one, then I realised that eleven years ago today I went to bed with a headache, only I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. I wonder if there is some connection, I totally hold my ex husband responsible for my sons early entrance into this world, maybe it is time to let it all go, but I'm not sure I can forgive him....
The previous week the ex hubby fell out with me majorally and dumped me by the side of the road. I sat there waiting thinking he would come back for his 31 weeks pregnant wife, he didn't, I walked part of the way until a friend stopped and dropped me closer to home, I was so scared of him I wouldn't allow them to drop me to the door. He wasn't in anyway, I went to bed, he came in some hours later and the next morning carried on as if nothing had happened. I remember being disbelieving that he could do that and not even apologise.
A week went by and on the Wednesday eve I went to bed early with a headache, woke up the next day with it still...really bad, I could barely function, he went off to work and called me a lazy bitch. The rest of the day is a bit of a haze, I slept most of it.
I woke up and went to wash my face, I looked grey in the mirror and then realised I was going to faint, so I lay down on the bathroom floor so as not to harm the baby. The dog licking my face bought me round, I crawled to the top of the stairs just as he got in from work, he took one look at me called me lazy again and grabbed the dog leads to walk them, I shouted that I wasn't well and I thought I may have passed out at some point, he just laughed and said you'd better call the midwife. He wouldn't pass the phone so I had to crawl down the stairs to get it, I could barely speak to the emergency midwife team.
A midwife arrived within 20 minutes, my blood pressure was through the roof, but still she didn't realise how serious this was. He took me to hospital, on the journey he said something about he always knew I'd be an unhealthy mother, and unable to do anything properly. Five minutes after getting in the maternity wing at the hospital I went into fits, the next three days are a blur, I remember only snippets. I had developed a condition called eclampsia which requires immediate delivery of the baby so they can administer drugs to save the mother. I was under 24 hour watch for two days, apparently I visited my son in SCBU in my hospital bed but I remember none of it.
Maybe if he'd not treated me the way he had, all the above would still have happened, who knows, you often get different explanations for the condition, but the most common one I keep hearing is that it's a result of stress.
Tonight I have a headache, a bad one, then I realised that eleven years ago today I went to bed with a headache, only I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. I wonder if there is some connection, I totally hold my ex husband responsible for my sons early entrance into this world, maybe it is time to let it all go, but I'm not sure I can forgive him....
The previous week the ex hubby fell out with me majorally and dumped me by the side of the road. I sat there waiting thinking he would come back for his 31 weeks pregnant wife, he didn't, I walked part of the way until a friend stopped and dropped me closer to home, I was so scared of him I wouldn't allow them to drop me to the door. He wasn't in anyway, I went to bed, he came in some hours later and the next morning carried on as if nothing had happened. I remember being disbelieving that he could do that and not even apologise.
A week went by and on the Wednesday eve I went to bed early with a headache, woke up the next day with it still...really bad, I could barely function, he went off to work and called me a lazy bitch. The rest of the day is a bit of a haze, I slept most of it.
I woke up and went to wash my face, I looked grey in the mirror and then realised I was going to faint, so I lay down on the bathroom floor so as not to harm the baby. The dog licking my face bought me round, I crawled to the top of the stairs just as he got in from work, he took one look at me called me lazy again and grabbed the dog leads to walk them, I shouted that I wasn't well and I thought I may have passed out at some point, he just laughed and said you'd better call the midwife. He wouldn't pass the phone so I had to crawl down the stairs to get it, I could barely speak to the emergency midwife team.
A midwife arrived within 20 minutes, my blood pressure was through the roof, but still she didn't realise how serious this was. He took me to hospital, on the journey he said something about he always knew I'd be an unhealthy mother, and unable to do anything properly. Five minutes after getting in the maternity wing at the hospital I went into fits, the next three days are a blur, I remember only snippets. I had developed a condition called eclampsia which requires immediate delivery of the baby so they can administer drugs to save the mother. I was under 24 hour watch for two days, apparently I visited my son in SCBU in my hospital bed but I remember none of it.
Maybe if he'd not treated me the way he had, all the above would still have happened, who knows, you often get different explanations for the condition, but the most common one I keep hearing is that it's a result of stress.
