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I would like to pose a question. I am 26 and have no children. I am conducting a project on teenage suicide and during the course of my research have come across the question as to whether parents are quick to dismiss their children or put them onto someone else as opposed to twenty - thirty years ago when a mother would stay home and look after their children. I have no personal experience on this subject so I sit on the fence. Some insight would be of great use!

Some do and lots don't. Some should never be allowed to be parents. You see there are no College courses or High School courses teaching us how to be good parents. We seem to think all of us are cut out for the job. nothing is further from the truth.

Studies have shown that children that have their parents time to a greater extent turn out to be better citizens and parents themselves. Sure kids survive not having good parents but at what cost??

Children only need several things to become good adults and their parents time is at the top of the list. All the other things money, toys, do little for their childs growth our time is what they really want and need.

[QUOTE]Do parents spend enough time with their children?[/QUOTE]

I am a grandparent and in September I will be a great grandparent. My observation of parenting in the past few years is that todays young parents do not spend enough of the right kind of time with their kids. Sitting down for meals as a family for example. Instead, it seems to be catch as catch can. The kids grab or or are given something and they are off to eat and watch TV or play Video Games while mom is chatting away on her cell and dad has already eaten and is in the garage with his hobby.

Is it all the parents? We are quick to blame parents for every bobble in a child's life. I blame electronics, modern education and sports.

Having spent the first 20 years of life in the 1940's and '50's, I can say we had it much better without Video games, cell phones, TV's in every room, dozens of sports we could take part in, hours of homework every night, etc. We played outdoors, read, played board games, listened to the radio. The family did those things together, not just the kids.

Schools today teach crap all day then send loads of work home with the kids. Usetawas, teachers taught us in classes, we had study periods to do our work in, graduated knowing how to read, write legibly, do some math in our heads and other useful things.

Today, the highschool in my town offers most every sport known in the free world. Some kids are involved in several sports, added to all the homework, part time jobs and any other extra activity you can think of. They are simply burning out without getting to be kids.

Lon;895932 wrote: I am a grandparent and in September I will be a great grandparent. My observation of parenting in the past few years is that todays young parents do not spend enough of the right kind of time with their kids. Sitting down for meals as a family for example. Instead, it seems to be catch as catch can. The kids grab or or are given something and they are off to eat and watch TV or play Video Games while mom is chatting away on her cell and dad has already eaten and is in the garage with his hobby.


We make it a point to sit down for dinner together and catch up on the day's events, etc. Adn yes, to many parents rely on the tv as a babysitter.

hoppy;896630 wrote: Is it all the parents? We are quick to blame parents for every bobble in a child's life. I blame electronics, modern education and sports.

Who buys these for the kids in the first place?



Having spent the first 20 years of life in the 1940's and '50's, I can say we had it much better without Video games, cell phones, TV's in every room, dozens of sports we could take part in, hours of homework every night, etc. We played outdoors, read, played board games, listened to the radio. The family did those things together, not just the kids.

It's up to the parents to make this happen

Schools today teach crap all day then send loads of work home with the kids. Usetawas, teachers taught us in classes, we had study periods to do our work in, graduated knowing how to read, write legibly, do some math in our heads and other useful things.

The teachers don't set what has to be taught .Doing homework with your kids is spending time with them. Time to talk about the events of the day & showing them you take an interest in their lives

Today, the highschool in my town offers most every sport known in the free world. Some kids are involved in several sports, added to all the homework, part time jobs and any other extra activity you can think of. They are simply burning out without getting to be kids.I agree with the sport thing,to much focus on sport & not enough on learning


These are all my personal opinions I am not picking your ideas to bits just adding what I think:-6

mrsK;897454 wrote: These are all my personal opinions I am not picking your ideas to bits just adding what I think:-6


Thank you all for your input.

Lon;895932 wrote: I am a grandparent and in September I will be a great grandparent. My observation of parenting in the past few years is that todays young parents do not spend enough of the right kind of time with their kids. Sitting down for meals as a family for example. Instead, it seems to be catch as catch can. The kids grab or or are given something and they are off to eat and watch TV or play Video Games while mom is chatting away on her cell and dad has already eaten and is in the garage with his hobby.


Lon hit it right on the money IMO,,,

I am a grandma of 3 small children and Lon is so right about "the right kind of time " being spent with kids these days,

Mom is to busy doing what mom wants and dad is either to tired or to busy relaxing and the kids are watching thier favorite dvd's playing favorite games on the PC,,

Hdestiny1234;895764 wrote: I would like to pose a question. I am 26 and have no children. I am conducting a project on teenage suicide and during the course of my research have come across the question as to whether parents are quick to dismiss their children or put them onto someone else as opposed to twenty - thirty years ago when a mother would stay home and look after their children. I have no personal experience on this subject so I sit on the fence. Some insight would be of great use!


In my spare time I help to fight against online predators, and youth violence. I can tell you now that with technology filling in gaps for busy parents, it has been much easier for them to dismiss goings on in their daily life. If you're interested in getting more info. go to my The Myspace Neighborhood Watch page at Myspace.com/asienna

Now a days both parents HAVE to work. Even in my childhood. both parents worked. but i and my daughter were truly LUCKY. I had my granmother who lived with us since i was 17 mos. old. she was like a 2nd mother. but all the free time my parents had were as a family. My parents were a very large part of my daughter's life too. i was a single parent. they were always there to lend a helping hand. i hope to be that kind of grandma too. Extended famlies are rare these days. but so very important.

I always find it interesting when someone says "TWO PARENTS HAVE TO WORK NOW A DAYS". That is only true to maintain a certain lifestyle. Granted, if together they only make $20,000 then I'll buy that, but there are many families whose combined income is three to four times that much and still say they need two incomes. If just one income, you drive a lesser car, live in a more modest home or apartment, buy a smaller TV, take fewer trips, but spend MORE TIME WITH THE KIDS.

My parents actually acted offended that me and my wife decided to have her stay home and raise our boys. They told me I could have a nicer car, bigger house etc etc if my wife went to work. I told them we had decided to have her be a stay at home mother, that we thought it better on the kids. My parents said "well we both worked and you and your brothers came out fine right?" I didn't respond but I almost laughed, I have 2 brotheres that have only one goal in life, that is to see how high they can pile their money, No matter how much thay get it is never enough.



My wife stayed home with the boys for 15 to 16 years then went to work part time at their school so she was off when they were. We don't have the pile of money my brothers and my parents have but we sure don't have any regrets what so ever.

Lon;924451 wrote: I always find it interesting when someone says "TWO PARENTS HAVE TO WORK NOW A DAYS". That is only true to maintain a certain lifestyle. Granted, if together they only make $20,000 then I'll buy that, but there are many families whose combined income is three to four times that much and still say they need two incomes. If just one income, you drive a lesser car, live in a more modest home or apartment, buy a smaller TV, take fewer trips, but spend MORE TIME WITH THE KIDS.


where you live the cost of living must be cheap. just buying groceries is outragouse today, to feed your children, healthy. plus when the average home is over$100,000 plus there is college. to make ends meet. is harder and harder each day. my daughter wants to have childern and be stay at home mom. her and boyfriend keep putting off marrage. decided that will not happen in today's world. so will marry in the fall anyway. both will work.

southern yankee;924708 wrote: where you live the cost of living must be cheap. just buying groceries is outragouse today, to feed your children, healthy. plus when the average home is over$100,000 plus there is college. to make ends meet. is harder and harder each day. my daughter wants to have childern and be stay at home mom. her and boyfriend keep putting off marrage. decided that will not happen in today's world. so will marry in the fall anyway. both will work.


California is hardly a cheap place to live. I still maintain that there are many, many financial choices to be made each day that determine how much money we really need to eat healthy and well. and live a decent life style. It's really all about choices not needs.

southern yankee;924708 wrote: where you live the cost of living must be cheap. just buying groceries is outragouse today, to feed your children, healthy. plus when the average home is over$100,000 plus there is college. to make ends meet. is harder and harder each day. my daughter wants to have childern and be stay at home mom. her and boyfriend keep putting off marrage. decided that will not happen in today's world. so will marry in the fall anyway. both will work.
Aren't you in Louisiana? Cost of living doesn't get much lower than that in the US. :-2 Also, college is an adult's responsibility. It's nice if you can afford to pay for it, but there's no obligations. For many, like me, it's far more valuable if they pay for it themselves.

Do I spend enough time with my son Archie? No where near as much as I would like.



But, I do realise that there are good reasons (in my opinion) for this being the case. I have to do long hours, to help make ends meet, but I know that in a little over twenty months time, all the hard work will have paid off and I will be able to spend more time with him :-4



Theres a saying, I can't remember who coined it, but it sticks in my mind as something I believe, namely: "Any man can be a father, but not every man can be a dad"



That sums it up for me. Whilst I would like to have more time with Archie, I realise that it is the way I spend the time with him, rather than the quantity of time I spend with him that is important. :-6

I think a childs' life between the ages of first born to about 6 is the most crucial in teaching that child the roots to what people feel are ethical standards...

From that point if a child is taught the right way(And I do feel a spanking is the right way in alot of cases) then it doesn't matter what the influences a child sees(For the most part)...If a child learns good morale values from the time in which they're born to the time in which they actually understand why and what it is your teaching them then it doesn't matter what type of video game or movie the kid watches...To blame a video game or movie for the things a child does is a scapegoat...I'm not saying that some of these video games or movies aren't useless or that I would mind if they were banned, but not being able to teach your child right from wrong from a realistic stand point is the primary cause and should be looked at in that way if they expect to rid the world of children who kill...Yes they might influence kids to kill but they only influence kids capable of murdering and those kids can be prevented from doing so with a good morale upbringing...

Accountable;924737 wrote: Aren't you in Louisiana? Cost of living doesn't get much lower than that in the US. :-2 Also, college is an adult's responsibility. It's nice if you can afford to pay for it, but there's no obligations. For many, like me, it's far more valuable if they pay for it themselves.


yes, i do live in La. but there are so many here that are trying to raise a family on $6 an hour. in Lafayette, La. prices are high due to oil field. when you make $6 an hour. and a loaf of bread is $3. the money doesn't go far. Yes, there are white collar jobs and oil field. but there is many who are not in those trades. the drop out rate here is about 51% It takes two. at that rate of pay. plus rent is around $600 to $1000 a month for a two bedroom.

Real estate is high here compared to the income.

southern yankee;924896 wrote: yes, i do live in La. but there are so many here that are trying to raise a family on $6 an hour. in Lafayette, La. prices are high due to oil field. when you make $6 an hour. and a loaf of bread is $3. the money doesn't go far. Yes, there are white collar jobs and oil field. but there is many who are not in those trades. the drop out rate here is about 51% It takes two. at that rate of pay. plus rent is around $600 to $1000 a month for a two bedroom.

Real estate is high here compared to the income.


Why not relocate?...

K.Snyder;924906 wrote: Why not relocate?...


oil field. is hubby's job. like he said. where can he work half a year and make a pretty good living. was not talking of us. but a lot of people.

southern yankee;924912 wrote: oil field. is hubby's job. like he said. where can he work half a year and make a pretty good living. was not talking of us. but a lot of people.


I understand...I understand how locally it can be very hard for some people to make a living...

K.Snyder;924922 wrote: I understand...I understand how locally it can be very hard for some people to make a living...


i just feel for parents who are working themselves to death. and are hanging on by their finger nails. we have a friend like that/ raising 2 teenage boys on his :(own, he is a widower. i don't know how he does it?:(

southern yankee;924930 wrote: i just feel for parents who are working themselves to death. and are hanging on by their finger nails. we have a friend like that/ raising 2 teenage boys on his :(own, he is a widower. i don't know how he does it?:(
A lot of people wouldn't even try. I admire him. Hopefully his sons will correctly interpret his actions and become as responsible when they're adults. Some kids grow up only noticing the few things they don't have rather than appreciating the vast riches that they do have.

The answer to that is easy and a BIG NO!

It comes back down to quality doesn’t it?

You can spend lots of time with your kids, but if you are a complete moron and a cr@p parent, then the kids could be better off in day care.

Many parents do not have the choice financially and need two incomes, again it is the quality of the free time that they have with the kids that will count.

I love spending time with my kids as they are different ages and personalities, but there is a time when it's just me time (when they are at school) and then in aobut 20 min. they will be tromping through the house:wah: and the "issues" will start. We have 4 kids. You are welcome go come over and observe the madness.:wah:

How much time is enough? I don't think that we can set an arbitary figure on this.

I think it is most important that they feel loved and included, but not that the family revolves around them.

When my child was very young. i was able to be a stay at home mom. Also my daugher was blessed. my parents gave her a lot of their time too. Not many children are blessed with this anymore. People move around the country now. not like they did. 40-50 years ago. So many childern no longer have that Extended family. So very sad:(

My parents didn't spend much time with me when I grew up. I never felt it's an issue since they are always there when I need help. I guess that makes the difference

Liling;1262217 wrote: My parents didn't spend much time with me when I grew up. I never felt it's an issue since they are always there when I need help. I guess that makes the difference


Some people have big hearts no matter their upbringing :yh_wink