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I presume it is the tendency for animals to gather together for protection, food, etc. But, did you ever notice that cars do the same thing, and on their own no less.

Impossible you say, well then how do you explain that no matter how many empty parking spaces there are in the lot, the next car that arrives will surely park next to your car. I can’t believe that the person driving that car is dumb enough not to want to park where his or her car is not going to get dinged or scratched or even where it is easier to get in and out of the car. So my theory is that the car is actually parked in one of the open spaces not near other cars, but when the driver leaves the car it moves itself to be “near the heard.

It may also be possible that unknown to us mere drivers that there are male and female cars which could also explain this need for close proximity. It’s bad enough when you purposely park your car many rows beyond the herd to protect your investment and come back to it surrounded with friends, but this herding instinct even carries into the “Parking for the Disabled spaces. How else can you explain that the people getting into the car no way appear to be disabled, not old, not using assistance not even slow. Clearly they didn’t park their car in that space simply because they had the disabled sticker applicable to someone not in the car at the time.

It has to be that herding again. Funny thing though, my car never moves from where I park it.

In direct opposite of that theory, my new car was a "loaner"! Never parked next to any other cars in the lot, it was always the furthest one away from the herd!

One day in the lot, my car was parked in the furthest spot, 100 yards from the herd. And when I got back to it, to my dismay, some SOB delibretly rolled a shopping cart those hundred yards and smacked it into the side of my car thus, discustingly denting the rear quarter panel! (Wish their bippie fell off!)

Sometimes a direct approach is called for. I worked as a toll collector on a bridge for awhile. Was the only person on the midnight shift. My relief arrived at 7am. My car was the only one in the parking lot. My relief, a new hire, parked as close as he could to my driver side door. I had to climb over the console and shift lever to get into position to drive.

The second morning, he did it again so I asked him to leave me room. He acted smart a**y about it, since he was distantly related to boss. Third morning, same thing. He entered the toll booth and I took my cash drawer out to check out for my shift. This time I was ready. I took a large ball peen hammer out of a drawer and laid by my drawer. Told him I would tend to traffic while he moved his car or he could leave it and have an airy ride home.

He moved his car, complained to my boss. Boss tried to get the ok to fire me. Supervisor told him since I was never late or absent or used sick leave in my 5 years no, he couldn't fire me. Boss hated me even more after that.

hoppy;870222 wrote: Sometimes a direct approach is called for. I worked as a toll collector on a bridge for awhile. Was the only person on the midnight shift. My relief arrived at 7am. My car was the only one in the parking lot. My relief, a new hire, parked as close as he could to my driver side door. I had to climb over the console and shift lever to get into position to drive.

The second morning, he did it again so I asked him to leave me room. He acted smart a**y about it, since he was distantly related to boss. Third morning, same thing. He entered the toll booth and I took my cash drawer out to check out for my shift. This time I was ready. I took a large ball peen hammer out of a drawer and laid by my drawer. Told him I would tend to traffic while he moved his car or he could leave it and have an airy ride home.

He moved his car, complained to my boss. Boss tried to get the ok to fire me. Supervisor told him since I was never late or absent or used sick leave in my 5 years no, he couldn't fire me. Boss hated me even more after that.


At this time I was attending a training class of an elite android hunter/killer unit, in the daytime. It was then I realized my relief co-worker was an android. I was schooled in all the tell-tale signs. He exhibited them all. I knew I must disable him.

Androids are constantly evolving. So, to disable one, you must be able to identify the model it is. There are no model numbers stamped on them so other things must be looked for. For example, pre 1960 models have non growing hair and nails. Early models can't swim but, since they need no oxygen, they simply walk on the bottom.

I identified my relief as a more recent model, which meant he could be easily confused without electronic readouts telling him how much change to give customers. So, just before the end of my shift, I disabled the electronics. Occasionally storms or something would knock it out forcing us to make change and count it back in our heads. Big trouble for androids, who must rely on their electronic scanners to scan other electronic devices in order to function correctly.

Bingo! I had him. He couldn't do it. I felt the back of his head and found a tiny slot holding a tiny microchip. His brain. Upon pulling it out, he went limp and collapsed into a chair I placed behind him. I called my unit commander, he sent over a disposal squad and one more android disappeared.

I'm retired now but there are more androids than ever out there. Most of the newer ones are in the ranks of the liberals. It's far easier for the mass produced android to become a liberal. They don't have to think to be liberals.

hoppy;870834 wrote: I'm retired now but there are more androids than ever out there. Most of the newer ones are in the ranks of the liberals. It's far easier for the mass produced android to become a liberal. They don't have to think to be liberals.


Ho ho ho - that's so funny I must go and tell it to all my mates

Joker!