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Sorry another school query .....

Hopefully you will get the gist of my question from the copy of the email ....

Hi xxxxxxx - school nurse,

I feel that we need to discuss the issues regarding xxxxxxx being sent home sick. The problem is, it is becoming a regular occurance for me to be called , to make the judgment on weather or not he needs to be picked up. I really don't think I can make that judgment when I am not the one able, at that point, to truly access the health problem that he says he is getting. What is the school policy here? I understand it is difficult to make the decision about how sick he is, however when I am called to make that decision, I have no choice but to collect him from school as I have no idea of his wellnesses that time.

Hopefully we can come up with a suitable solution.

Regards,

Me

Is he usually sick enough to warrant you having to go there and bring him home?

kazalala;830994 wrote: Is he usually sick enough to warrant you having to go there and bring him home?


NO!! :-5 :wah: In fact in the 10 times it has happened - Never :-5

When I was at school and went to the school nurse (which was often :wah:, he comes by it honestly :wah:) the school nurse made the judgment :-5

Pheasy;831010 wrote: When I was at school and went to the school nurse (which was often :wah:, he comes by it honestly :wah:) the school nurse made the judgment :-5


It was what they were employed to do. In the new world of lawsuits and compensation claims I think they are so afraid of getting even one call wrong that they refuse to make a call at all.

Sad times.

They can't make the judgement anymore at all. To many lawsuits, complaints, and parents that just become enraged because they weren't called to decide on their childs illness. Most schools just instruct you to come pick them up period. :-5

[QUOTE]When I was at school and went to the school nurse (which was often , he comes by it honestly ) the school nurse made the judgment [/QUOTE]

Bryn Mawr;831014 wrote: It was what they were employed to do. In the new world of lawsuits and compensation claims I think they are so afraid of getting even one call wrong that they refuse to make a call at all.

Sad times.


I think you are right Bryn. The last time was when he 'said' he hurt his leg, and she went on about 'liability'.

Pheasy;831027 wrote: I think you are right Bryn. The last time was when he 'said' he hurt his leg, and she went on about 'liability'.


Try taking the line that they are in loco parentis and that you are likely to be uncontactable during the day.

rjwould;831030 wrote: Boy, I wish it had been like that when I was being schooled..


Exactly .... I was good at pulling a sicky .... I would never have been at school :wah:

Pheasy;831003 wrote: NO!! :-5 :wah: In fact in the 10 times it has happened - Never :-5


Have you taken him home every time?... have you tried just going there and checking him out and if you thik he is ok to just say he can stay in school, then you have made the decision, and he might eventually realise he dont get to go home every time;):wah:

Is it no longer the case that the school's officers legally act "in the place of the parent" (in loco parentis) during school hours when the pupil is on their premises? That was the basis on which they made such decisions in the past.

Pragmatically you can always filter out the calls from the school and refuse to answer them during school hours.

Boy isn't that the truth we had "Nurse Rachet" that would make you suffer the entire time your were in the Nurses office. Worked well no one wanted to go there ever. :wah:

[QUOTE]Boy, I wish it had been like that when I was being schooled..[/QUOTE]

I just got a response ... mmjmmm (okay so this just turned into my fault :-5 - please am I being unreasonable?)

The response ...

I have tried in the past to keep xxxxx in school when his complaints are subjective and I have no verifiable objective signs of illness. Most of those occasions xxxx has been persistent in coming back to the health room and insisting he is ill. In my judgment most of the times he has gone home he has not shown outward signs of illness. In difficult cases like this I leave it up to the parent to make the decision especially when the child is so insistent.



Perhaps you can tell xxxxx that in the future the only time he will be sent home is when he has a fever. If you are agreeable to that then xxxxx may be less inclined to try to go home with subjective complaints. Let me know what you think.

Pheasy I think that is a good response from the Nurse she is willing to work with you on this which is way more than most will do.

Pheasy;831051 wrote: I just got a response ... mmjmmm (okay so this just turned into my fault :-5 - please am I being unreasonable?)

The response ...

I have tried in the past to keep xxxxx in school when his complaints are subjective and I have no verifiable objective signs of illness. Most of those occasions xxxx has been persistent in coming back to the health room and insisting he is ill. In my judgment most of the times he has gone home he has not shown outward signs of illness. In difficult cases like this I leave it up to the parent to make the decision especially when the child is so insistent.



Perhaps you can tell xxxxx that in the future the only time he will be sent home is when he has a fever. If you are agreeable to that then xxxxx may be less inclined to try to go home with subjective complaints. Let me know what you think.


hmm dunno if you are being unreasonable or not, as im not sure what you think you may be being unreasonable about:-3:wah: Anyway have you talked with him about it, is it at certain times? same day, or lesson, or playtimes? is it always different ailments? what do you think? what is your instinct?

Surely the question should be, why does he want to be sent home from school?

I know kids bunk off school but there must be a reason?

saffy;831057 wrote: Surely the question should be, why does he want to be sent home from school?



I know kids bunk off school but there must be a reason?


I was wondering that too..is he having a problem with his teacher..or with other classmates..if he hasnt ever done this before untill this year..i would kinda ask in loose terms how his school days are going..and see what he says..if you cant get anywhere that way..call and ask the school counsler to talk to him..he or she might get some answers..if there is no problem..nothing bothering him..then the fever thing sounds mighty reasonable to me...



is he going to a late lunch..getting headaches..from that..

is he doing it about the same time of day everytime..find out what is going on in his schedule then..could he be avoiding a class he dislikes..like math..i would play dead rodent to get out of that..:p

playground problems..it could be something so inocuous as he might need to use the bathroom and isnt gonna do it at school..



if you cant feel out any answers..then he just has found a way to go home..

rjwould;831033 wrote: I don't think it matters. Her son will find another way to be sent home and eventually he will begin cutting school. Then he will end up with other like minded kids trying to figure out what to do with themselves and most likely make some mistakes that could cause real problems for her..


If they let him out other than into the hands of a parent of guardian then they really are liable.

I suggest it as a short term measure to break the cycle.

Okay taking on board all that you all have said .. and I hear the 'why is he doing it question' here's my take on this .... I know I could be wrong

Call me 'old school' ..... I did this, exactly what he's doing, why? not because I was bullied, not because of any other reason than I hated to be treated as a person who could be 'pushed around by anyone' (spot on RJ). But now here's the thing - when I was at school the parents and teachers worked as one. How ever much I tried to fool them into thinking I was sick .... they weren't having any of it. How did this affect me ... I didn't plan to kill anyone, I didn't go off and do drugs, didn't think about suicide - my own personality saw me through this.

Nobody over analyzed the situation .... they just said 'these are rules' TOUGH if you don't like them.

Pheasy;831051 wrote: I just got a response ... mmjmmm (okay so this just turned into my fault :-5 - please am I being unreasonable?)

The response ...

I have tried in the past to keep xxxxx in school when his complaints are subjective and I have no verifiable objective signs of illness. Most of those occasions xxxx has been persistent in coming back to the health room and insisting he is ill. In my judgment most of the times he has gone home he has not shown outward signs of illness. In difficult cases like this I leave it up to the parent to make the decision especially when the child is so insistent.



Perhaps you can tell xxxxx that in the future the only time he will be sent home is when he has a fever. If you are agreeable to that then xxxxx may be less inclined to try to go home with subjective complaints. Let me know what you think.


Surely that's exactly what you want - a fixed rule as to when they will try to send him home.

Agree and get them to stick to it.

Pheasy;831103 wrote: Okay taking on board all that you all have said .. and I hear the 'why is he doing it question' here's my take on this .... I know I could be wrong

Call me 'old school' ..... I did this, exactly what he's doing, why? not because I was bullied, not because of any other reason than I hated to be treated as a person who could be 'pushed around by anyone' (spot on RJ). But now here's the thing - when I was at school the parents and teachers worked as one. How ever much I tried to fool them into thinking I was sick .... they weren't having any of it. How did this affect me ... I didn't plan to kill anyone, I didn't go off and do drugs, didn't think about suicide - my own personality saw me through this.

Nobody over analyzed the situation .... they just said 'these are rules' TOUGH if you don't like them.


Well it looks like the school aint gonna do that Pheasy so maybe you have to!:D at the moment whatever the reason, its working for him... you have to take charge i guess. But i do understand your point that the schools somehow dont want to take responsibility for anything at all these days, its the same here.

Also i found that thay always call the parents who always respond,, i bet there are loads of kids who get away with murder cos they know its no good calling the parents.

Pheasy;831051 wrote: Perhaps you can tell xxxxx that in the future the only time he will be sent home is when he has a fever. If you are agreeable to that then xxxxx may be less inclined to try to go home with subjective complaints. Let me know what you think.There's lots else besides fever that you'd want this hypothetical child sent home for. Unexplained loss of major body organ, sudden onset balding or olfactory embarrassment, unrelievable tendon cramp, significant toenail fallout. If it helps I'll list the full set.

you are probably right pheasy..but always double check every angle..in the third grade i started getting headaches..severe..complained of seeing waves in my sight..i went home several times..then the school nurse checked my eyes..oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..real expert there...supposedly i was using my headaches for attention..yep....uh huh...my dad told them to beat my ass and send me back to class...real winnner that one...a few months later i was getting chewed out by a teacher..for complaining of headaches..again..only this time..i passed out dead cold on the floor..and ended up in emergency lazer surgery..getting most of the back of my left eye burnt out..to stop me from losing ALL of my site...



always check out every possible reason..before you assume anything..I do ask you to do that..for your childs sake..you just never know..

rjwould;831130 wrote: Have you asked your son why he does not want to be in school? He will probably be honest about it. He may embellish or try selling you his reasons, but he will be honest. I would be interested in his response.


I will do that now.

Me:Why do you keep going to the nurse and want to come home ... you are never ill when you get home? You tell me like school and don't want to be home-schooled, so why? Is something troubling you?

J:Cos I hate school .... no .... I do like school. Its the one lesson Language Arts ... its 2 hours long.. and I can't sit that long.

Pheasy;831142 wrote: Me:Why do you keep going to the nurse and want to come home ... you are never ill when you get home? You tell me like school and don't want to be home-schooled, so why? Is something troubling you?

J:Cos I hate school .... no .... I do like school. Its the one lesson Language Arts ... its 2 hours long.. and I can't sit that long.


Well is it? has it always been when he has that lesson, or on a day he is due to have that lesson? thing is he dont like it and has found a way to get out of it. now he knows you know maybe he will realise he wont get away with it from now on:D

In the old days you could sign him on as a cabin boy on a clipper and send him round Cape Horn a few times to get it out of his system. I'm not sure what equivalents there are now.

Pheasy;831142 wrote: Me:Why do you keep going to the nurse and want to come home ... you are never ill when you get home? You tell me like school and don't want to be home-schooled, so why? Is something troubling you?

J:Cos I hate school .... no .... I do like school. Its the one lesson Language Arts ... its 2 hours long.. and I can't sit that long.


No darling .... that would of done my head in too ( I didn't say it, but I thought it)

Pheasy;831142 wrote: Me:Why do you keep going to the nurse and want to come home ... you are never ill when you get home? You tell me like school and don't want to be home-schooled, so why? Is something troubling you?



J:Cos I hate school .... no .... I do like school. Its the one lesson Language Arts ... its 2 hours long.. and I can't sit that long.




ok..glad you asked...and sorry but this throws back a world of feelings for me..a life long struggle of keeping my site..because nobody listened to me..because one person assumed i was a spoiled brat..:-5 one round of i.v. antibiotics could have saved me from several surgeries..and the inevitable loss of what i value the most..my independence..

rjwould;831165 wrote: If he sticks with "I hate school" he gets home schooled, which scares him, so he changes to "no, I do like school, its the one lesson, I can't sit that long.

What do you want to happen, Pheasy? Do you want him to stay in school where the class is a requirement? If so reach an understanding with him and keep following that up daily. If you want him to be home schooled and are making that decision, then inform him of it and do it, otherwise drop the home school idea and conversation all together. One way or the other you have to give him direction..


But you are the one that says they should be given choices, and that I should not force anything upon them. It has to be from them, their desire.

rjwould;831173 wrote: Spots idea is a good one. You can decide to give homeschooling a try and see if it works for the two of you. You could use the time to get this out of his system. The important thing here is to let him hear that you are listening and are willing to entertain all his words as long as he is honest and forthcoming.

But you must remain consistent. Children find comfort and a feeling of safety in consistency with their parents.


As a parent I try to be consistent, however I am also trying to adjust to these new ways of thinking .. which I am not sure are a good thing. The one thing my children do know, without a doubt, is that I love them ... they know that big time...they milk it big time too:D.

:wah::wah: Don't give him any ideas Spot.

[QUOTE]There's lots else besides fever that you'd want this hypothetical child sent home for. Unexplained loss of major body organ, sudden onset balding or olfactory embarrassment, unrelievable tendon cramp, significant toenail fallout. If it helps I'll list the full set.[/QUOTE]

You can imagine him turning up on the doorstep having shaved his head?

Pheasy, no your not unreasonable and hell yes your a good mum and whatever the outcome it will be the best decision for you all cos you called it.:-4

My oldest use to go to the nurse and have her call me...quite often. I started asking to talk to my daughter. After explaining to her that if she came home she would spend the rest of the day in bed...no phone....no tv...etc. She sometimes had this amazing, almost instantaneous recovery and could go back to class. When she was sick she didn't care and I took off work and went to pick her up.

You sound like a wonderful parent. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing......if you find that you don't like the choice you make; sometime in the future, then make a new decision and go with it.

My response to school nurse ...

I realise that it is difficult to determine weather xxxx is in fact ill, I too have problems deciding, as you have said, he is very insisting. I am little wary to say that he will only be sent home if he has a raised temperature, I would prefer to see him checked, and a judgement made based on findings. The problem is it is now becoming the norm for me to make that call, when I am not truly in a position to determine his wellbeing at that time. Yesterday when he arrived home I did see that his throat was very red, and a doctors visit has confirmed that he has strep throat.